Could this explain why I am a more "hidden" aspie?

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I am a logical thinker and a problem solver. AND my special interest is Human Beings. I have studied people. I have studied subjects (the Uni degree I have is called Cognitive Science - neuroscience, psych, comp sci, philosophy, linguistics). I have read countless books and internet articles. I analyse my own brain almost 24/7. If I have to talk with people, I problem solve with them. I love to problem solve about THEM. This comes across as “social”. It also comes across as “empathetic”. Not only because I am going on a journey with them about themselves and trying to put myself in their head, but because I have done it so often with so many people, I have developed lessons from this. And although I still get it wrong most of the time, I have learnt/am learning just to ask questions. I try to solve their puzzles. I really thrive on this. It does, of course, have its drawbacks. Sometimes I get so involved with the “puzzle” that I forget to think about their feelings, or I take it to a level they have never been nor were expecting to go to and they find this odd.

I have learnt to smile when smiled at (despite still being told to "smile" or "dont look so serious"). I have learnt to look at people in the eye. I have learnt the social etiquette to allow me to live my Life without drawing too much attention to myself.

When I walk around, I feel as though I am invisible. I feel as though I am in a bubble. And when people interact with me I get this immediate “oh my gosh they are entering my bubble and I don’t know what to do” feeling. I then resort to smiling politely, answering their questions, maybe even putting out a witty joke if one pops into my mind (rarely lol) or a self deprecating joke in order to “excuse” my quirkiness and then I try to escape the interaction as soon as possible.

I have learnt confidence. That is, how to “appear” confident. I could tell you the whole thing. Stand up straight. Hold your head up. When you talk use a loud voice without stuttering. If you say something that came across weird, just pretend that it is ok, or use a self deprecating joke and laugh and get out of there lol Talk about something that I find interesting and that I know a lot about. If in a group, just don’t say anything at all unless asked a question, but try to nod at everyone else's comments (I generally avoid group situations like the plague though).

To me, most people just aren't part of my World, apart from presenting problems for me to solve. Either on a mass scale (society, or the human race, or a small scale - one person's set of personal issues). They are like these aliens that I know are around me, but they just aren't that important to me. Now don't get me wrong, I am not rude or anything to them, and trust me, I do care about people. Hmm is hard to explain.

However, that is off on a tangent anyway!! My main point is that, I feel because I enjoy problem solving a person, that I come across as a lot more empathetic than maybe I really am? Does this make sense? And also, because I have studied all of this for so long (plus my Mum was VERY big on "doing the right thing" so I had that influence), I have learnt all those little things. I still find it all COMPLETELY exhausting though and can never wait to get back to the refuge of my little home

Thanks for listening.

This....

Explains why you are more "hidden"

You have two X chromosomes.

Hmmmm... I have the "female" thing going on and yet I am pretty easy to spot. I don't think it is ALL about being girl.

OP, you sound more like you potentially are "gifted" versus just ASD. I may be wrong but the two are very similar.

No, it isn't just all about being a girl...it's also about having good fashion sense, which she apparently does. It throws people off. Trust me. I've experimented with this.

Hard to say with some people . . . it is possible to be obsessed with things, ASD or not. For some of us, we get a "high" off of doing something that relaxes or stims us. Hell, I'll chew through a book of Sudoku puzzles for a while before i feel satisfied. Or will play my games for hours on end until exhausted (course I work two jobs, and so am exhausted about all the time). You might be an aspie, you might be OCD, you might be both. If you find you're not taking non-verbal queues when talking to people, you might be more on the ASD/NVLD side of things (disclaimer: I am no expert on the matter, just correlating what I've seen/read). I know the user Scientist had some online tests you could take that might give you a better idea of what you're looking for.

Click Here

That aside, welcome to the club.

Thanks guys, and there are many other reasons why I am certain I am an aspie, or at the very least have a LOT of aspie traits. This was just one particular aspect is all.
I have done those tests and they have pretty much all said I have definite aspie traits (got 149 of 200 Aspie, 65 of 200 NT on the rdos one, I am an extreme systemiser, got 35 on the AQ, got 106 aloof, 115 rigid and 81 pragmatic on the BAP test, 26 on the Highly sensitive person test, but did ok on the face recognition one although in real life I actually have real trouble remember people's faces unless I have seen them many times or they are very very distinctive-looking).

As for the fashion sense - a learnt thing, trust me lol (and also a smart/arty thing in that I don't "go with the flow" in fashion, in fact I hate that idea, but I am artistic and I "create" a look that I like on myself. I prefer to wear daggy, practical stuff though - my favourite outfit being my pyjamas whenever I am at home lol.

Yes, fashion can be learned, or at the very least one can just buy the display outfit.

I think i can relate to your "obsession" analyzer23. I'm alot like that when it comes to people. If people have problems im the first one to talk to them about it. I do think im empathic but at the same time im unsure since i thrive on peoples troubles instead of feeling bad for them. This might be because i can "trouble solve" as you said. Can you relate to that?
I do have a history of bad behaviour but even though i behaved badly i could understand the effect of my actions. But because of my own involvement in my actions the empathy part of me got put aside..?

Yes, I think you are absolutely right about why you "pass".

People (NT's ) tend to love attention. When you listen to their problems and offer advice and problem solving it would seem that you care for them, though it sounds like it's impersonal to you, like solving a puzzle.

One hint: if you meet someone that you really like and want to be friends with, ASK first if, when they reveal a problem if they want help solving it or if they just want to be listened to.

Many women have a tendency to want to feel heard and empathized with. You can posture that you are listening and keep your analyzing to yourself and when they are ready for advice, offer it.

It sounds like if you could get the listening part down and learn to assess people's readiness for advice, you would make an excellent therapist.

Judging from your avatar, you could model to raise money for your own clinic~! !!

Yes I can totally relate to that, I am the same! I love helping people come up with solutions to their problems It is definitely the "trouble solving" as you say, that excites me about it. I think I understand the latter part of your post, also.



Your hints are very valid for me... I often tend to just jump in and analyse someone's situation and help them solve it without them asking for it and have gotten myself into trouble for this. Even though I understand how that can feel! Is silly. I feel like this excited kid though who just can't help but start helping them solve their issues though lol Lots of people quite like it and can actually really enjoy having someone totally "there" with them on their issue and helping them, but yes, you are right, there are others who do not appreciate it at all. I guess I also feel like everyone else is soooo busy trying to "fix" themselves like I am, that they are on this same wavelength.

Funny you mention the idea of me being a therapist!! I actually am starting my own Life Coaching business. I finally worked out what my strength is in Life (i.e. exactly what I have been talking about) and by being a Life Coach, i can do this and get paid for it! lol It is all about helping people to solve their problems. I will get to research even more about human behaviour, and I get to problem solve every day and actually help people And I get to work for myself, mainly from home - perfect. Fingers crossed it works for me!! !
That's very sweet of you about your comment about my pic lol I never see myself as attractive, but apparently other people do lol

That sounds perfect! Life coach. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you, too.
Good luck!