How to behave at parties - anyone decoded the secret?

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the last time i went to a party i got kicked out. not sure if it was because i have asperger's or because i was falling down drunk.

the last time i went to a party i got kicked out. not sure if it was because i have asperger's or because i was falling down drunk. my friends had to take me home

Reading this, I am thinking.... he's right. And... so what's the point of going?! What torture!


Exactly!

eat their food
Walk up to others and offer to eat their food for them
Drink
When someone comes up to talk, continue to eat and nod your head

Just wondering... how the heck did you get into a frat if you have AS? Did you have to "hide" it?

I usually do when in more casual party i do pretty well I talk with people somewhat easily often and never worry about my slightly awkward mannerism, it seem ot go pretty well if I try not to act like what I'm not which I've never done anyways.

Last edited by loudmouth on 08 Dec 2007, 4:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.

be radical - just turn that systemising in your head off - and don't panic! - other thoughts will come - you'll find maybe Hey! I'm really connecting with this other person - http://unlearningasperger.blogspot.com/
best wishes, JC

I stick with a friend, or just try not to look too serious and unapproachable while I sit and sip at a drink or twirl a feather or do SOMETHING so I look like I might possibly be enjoying myself...

Oh, and the best thing is taking bathroom breaks, or taking walks and pretending you got lost on your way to the bathroom if anybody asks where you've been...

I used to bring a book. I never realised it was rude until someone pointed it out about a year ago. My logic was, if I'm not talking to anyone, why not? I can still listen to the music while I'm reading. Also, people would come over and ask what the title was. Nowadays I play 'snake' on my mobile if I'm reeeally bored - people just think you're texting (apparently more socially acceptable, which i don't get to be honest). If it's a house party, there might be newspapers & magazines you could read... or pictures on walls... or the walls themselves... failing that, just get very drunk...

Oh yeah, and one thing that I find helps is remembering that everyone else will soon be p*ssed off their heads as well, so you don't need to worry about how weird you act!

I just make sure to go to parties where the sound system is far, far too loud to have any sort of conversation.

very insightful Crazy_Ben, thanks

I wouldn't go to a party if I was payed, it's always torture.

I know this thread was made in 2007 but I found this topic interesting and there's no rule to say you can't carry one on

With me, it ain't always about having a conversation. Conversations come naturally to me, and so I don't worry too much about whether I'm having a conversation or not. What makes me anxious the most is I don't always know how to be. Each time I've gone to a bar, I always see a crowd of people standing by the bar, with neither of them afraid to join in what they're all talking about. But if that was me in a crowd, I'd either be ''on the outside'', or if I did talk I probably wouldn't get listened to or heard. Usually I'm standing or sitting in the most awkward place, where people are sitting with their backs to me. And it's not only that - it's the music. It's always so loud, and I can't hear what other people are saying when the music’s really loud. I don't know how NTs can manage to speak when there's really, really loud music playing. Most people I talk to don't have super hearing.
Also, I feel uncomfortable when in a bar because bars are social places, and most people who go to bars are quite loud, chatty people, and I feel I'm being looked at by everyone, simply because I'm standing there like a lemon looking bored and unsociable, and I feel different and I feel I shouldn't be there. And I am prone to migraines, so I can't drink (I don't like getting drunk anyway), and I am not very good at dressing up. And I'm always scared of the people I'm with getting chatted up, and me being left alone in the corner, which will make me feel miserable..... No, I don't think bars are the ideal place for me. The only time when I might be happy to go in a bar is if I was in love with a man and we went in one together for a drink. I don't know why, but other people seem to respect you when you've got a boyfriend. I think it's because you're in love, and your man gives you all of his attention, and it makes you feel wanted and you can look happy and sociable, and so other people don't really like to judge you so much. Most NTs just think, ''oh, she's got a bloke, she must be quite confident'', even though having a boyfriend doesn't necessarily mean you're confident, but NTs just think that anyway. Not all, but most young NTs do. I think, anyway.

It really depends on the kind of party you're at. There are all sorts and the rules are different for each. You don't want to act how you would at a cocktail party when you're at a college keg party, or like a nightclub when you're at a wedding reception. Look up rules online about the specific type you're going to.

How to behave at a party (in general)
How to Behave at a Cocktail Party
Nightclub Etiquette
How to behave at an office party

Find somewhere quite and comfortable. Relax. If someone talks to me, engage with them. If I see someone I'd reaally like to talk to, engage them.

As you can see, I'm not really a party animal.

I find parties fairly difficult if I don't have someone with me to serve as a kind of social buffer. On my own I do know how to talk to single people, but as more people are added to the conversation the more easily I'm frozen out.

I remember one party I was stalked by another attendee who would insert herself into any conversation I was having and speak to the other person about an entirely different subject. This happened three or four times and since I have a difficult time with confrontation I just shut down instead of saying anything.

I think she was put out because she tried to "comfort" me when I mentioned to someone who had the anxiety that I had anxiety too. So she stroked my back and I kind of acted like it was an electric shock (because, well, yeah).

At some point I ended up in a small group - we'd all interacted earlier in the evening and got along better than in most situations, and it turned out all four of us were neuroatypical.

This last Friday I was at a party and I feel like I lost most of my social skills for these situations. I didn't have any idea how to approach or even speak to most people present and spent probably half of it by myself and still ended up burned out and exhausted. Part of it was I had plans for the party with a friend, but she dropped those plans at the last minute - and since this was the entire reason I went to the party in the first place, I was at a complete loss. She had excellent reasons, so I'm not upset at her, but I don't react well to changes in plans.