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I feel comtfable sharing this info with you guys becasue i feel like some of you are my friends.

here is a problem i encountering with my friend a the moment

i tried to ring up my best friend on mobile earlier tonight (it went straight to answer phone)

I called my friends house number up earlier and to ask if my friend was there and his mother said (he's in the bathroom at the moment). She said to me over the phone "i will get him to call you after he comes out of the bathroom. That was 2 hours ago

my best friend does tend to see his girlfriend on friday nights since she comes home for the weekend from university

i rang him up my my friend last friday and we spoke (he said to me other the phone he was seeing his girlfriend)

I texted him last saturday and he did not return my text messages and when i tried to call his mobile but it went straight to answer phone ( i have not texted him for months since the text button on my phone broke but i got it fixed)

he works every day of the week

yesterday again i tired to text him but he did not return my message and when i tried call him on his mobile again it went straight to answer phone.

I THINK my friend has ADHD. he also has a reputation for being unreliable.


If you could take a wild guess what do you think is going on with my friend and why is he becoming really hard to contact all of a sudden. If you want to you can refer to my other threads i made about my friends here

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt152552.html

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt152180.html

I went through a lot of the same in the early 20's part of my life. Here are a few concepts to consider towards the dynamics of what's going on with your friends.

Your friends' interests may be compelling them moreso than ever before, and with more conviction. They are no longer on the terms of their parents or bound by the social order at school. It is now your schedule, your time, and people begin to gain confidence to pursue interests and relationships that can have very different dynamics. As such, immersing themselves in new relationships requires effort and a rearrangement of priorities and focus. In a way they are developing new personality aspects, so while they are gaining confidence in their new directions, they still have insecurities. That might make it hard for them to jump back and forth (the whole non-acknowledging you thing). They may just not know how to seamlessly relate to everyone, or they might feel insecurities around their new friends.

It can be a really tough process to handle, but I can only suggest that you keep finding new interests, and really try to get involved in them. Whatever it is you do, try not to dwell on what others might be thinking, or overanalyze the group dynamics. That just ends up being a repetitive cycle, like listening to the same song over and over again, hoping that you can recapture some good feelings or glean a new insight. Ultimately it may be a way of passing your time, but will not really be too rewarding.

There's also nothing wrong with calling friends occasionally, but you probably have to let them fly on their own for a bit now. Don't hold them accountable to loose commitments like "I'll give you a call sometime." Groups form and dissolve constantly in the social world - there is a common energy that brings you together, and then it subsides, and you find new interests. It can be awkward though, the compelling feeling that you should still be hanging out with them. When you get together or see each other in passing, it's like you're in the old house, but everyone has moved out.

Probably a good move for the long term would to be to leave good impressions. If they feel like you are going to be holding them to old ways, or trying to hold them back from taking new directions, they might avoid you more. The smart move is to let them go, keep on keeping on, and at some point maybe some of them will come around. In time they may regard you as a great friend, or maybe as someone they want to hang out with at times, or possibly as just a passing acquaintance where you make some small talk at best.

Make sure you don't project anger at them, if at all possible. While it seems logical that you are just blowing off some steam, it may not have the same effect on them. If you are respectful of their new ventures, it will help them have a better appraisal of your relationship when they consider it, and give them a lasting feeling that they trust you.

yeah but he could have phoned me up or sent me a text message saying that he was seeing his girlfriend just out of politeness. come on it is a bit rude just to not text me back. Remember i tried to text him last saturday as well.........

What do you mean let them go?

Nice first post, float_on_by, and welcome.

Jamesy, things move on. Others get on with their lives in their own way and that way may not include you, much as you'd like it to.
As float_on_by said: "Groups form and dissolve constantly in the social world - there is a common energy that brings you together, and then it subsides, and you find new interests."

Yeah but i am crap at making new friends

Welcome to the club, mate.

they probably just forgot.
i often think 'i'll reply to that text later' and just forget.

Well my friend has been forgetitng for 3 days in a row now.

well they're not really a 'friend' then, obviously.

Well yeah even though i thought he was my friend

I guess thats more than just absent mindedness.

do you think i should keep pursuing him and call my friend again tommorow?

SERIOUSLY though why don't you think my friend responded back to me tonight?

Well yeah but when i tried to ring up his girlfriend she was not there becasue she comes back from Uni later in the evening.

so when do you think i should next call him or text him next? In 2 weeks maybe?

Sorry, but that's a call I can't really make for you.

If there's something you do together on a regular or semi-regular basis - out for a drink/burger/whatever - maybe send a text inviting him out as your treat?
But if he doesn't reply, I'd think it's a fair indication that his interests have moved onto other things.

People move on. I've lost touch with more friends over the years than I can easily count. They move away, get married and so on but it has to be accepted as 'just the way it goes'.
Learning how to let go is difficult, but sometimes that's the only option.

I think my friend is probably shifting all his focus to his girlfriend now and has a lot less time for other people in his life.

Well that's probably all it is, really.
If this is the first "serious" girlfriend he's had then all the more so.