Can't decide if i really want to be diagnosed xP

Post Reply New Topic

So a few weeks ago i had my file opened again with a therapist i once saw on a regular basis.
In my first session i brought up asperger's and autism, and she informed me that there was a guy she worked with who specialized in helping those with autism...i guess he even told my therapist a couple of years ago that he thought i was an aspie lol.
Anyhow, my therapist talked to him, and he agreed to see me (i guess he's always booked, and it's hard to get him to take on new clients).

A couple things.
I guess i took some kind of test with this guy many years ago (it's been at least 5 years). I don't remember ever taking it, but i guess it didn't indicate that i had asperger's or autism.

And my therapist seems wishy washy on the idea. On one hand she's thought it could be a possibility with me for years, on the other hand she keeps teliing me that she knows a guy with high functioning autism, and it's very noticable (whatever that means) and that i'm nothing like that.
I think i apear completely normal at least 75% of the time...there's nothing obviously broken about me until you look a bit closer.


Anyhow...
I've wanted a diagnoses for years now. Not specifically asperger's...but just a "name" that could help me understand what's wrong with me...
And now i have the oppertunity to go see a specialist and see what he has to say...
But i can't bring myself to making the appointment.
It sounded so great at first to go and see a guy who might really be able to see me.
But now i feel scared about, as stupid as that sounds.

My life is good right now...it could be better, but i'm doing good.
What if i get a diagnoses? Will it force me to start picking at my issues and trying to figure them out?
Anytime i try digging to hard with my 'mental issues' i crash hard....will i crash again if given a diagnosis?
It scares the hell out of me, and i've been fighting a mean bout of depression the last few weeks.

And...
The other thing that scares me, is what if i don't have asperger's?
I feel so convinced of this...but what if it turns out that i don't.
I hate bringing this kind of thing up with my therapist because i'm always so afraid of being wrong and looking really stupid.
Plus it's just so dam frustrating...i've seen therapists since i was about 12. It's frustrating that even after all these years i still don't have a diagnosis i agree with (currently diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, obsessive cumpolsive, and my therapist just added social anxiety disorder to the list 3 weeks ago...but they just don't seem to fit me well enough for me to agree with (except for the social anxiety which fits me dead on).

...
Sorry for the long ramble.
I've fell into a depression a few weeks ago, and i can feel myself starting to snap out of it over the last few days.
Just needed to vent i guess.
I see my therapist again on thursday (for a group she runs), and maybe i'll see what she thinks.

Also, sorry for any typos. Typed this on my ipad at 3 in the morning lol xP

I would start by talking to a professional (your therapist or the autism specialist) and asking how a diagnosis would benefit you. However, think about why you want the "label" of a diagnosis if you aren't sure you want to work on the problems that you can identify that you have.

There's a big wide gray space between "diagnosable" and "NT with autistic traits" and you may be in it or close to it, and your counselor isn't sure what to do about that. On the other hand, you may simply have a case that involves mostly the less-obvious signs of autism, and be a shoo-in for a diagnosis otherwise. It just depends.

The big question with diagnosis isn't really "Can I be diagnosed?" but "How would a diagnosis help me?" If you need a diagnosis for some purpose--especially for the purpose of more effective therapy/education or access to various services--then it makes much more sense to pursue it than if you are getting what you need now with your current labels. It's often a good idea to have it just for future reference even when you don't need it right away; but in those cases it isn't particularly urgent.