Not respecting authority - Aspie trait?

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You know there are loads of people out there who automatically respect authority, people in higher positions, with more experience, has certain titles, degrees, or just plain bossy. I realized I always have trouble truly respecting anybody due to those. I also have trouble being the "authority". I treat everybody as other human beings and equal, including kids. I get picked on frequently (mostly by my mom, my dad's an aspie and never cares) for "not respecting elders". I just don't know what to say. The truth is I don't respect them, they haven't "earned" much of my respect, but saying that would be devastating to our relationship.

Is this authority thing a NT thing? Or it's just a good example of how I don't get these social rules? I'm OK with pretending to respect authority most of the time, but it does get really tiring. I wish I can just say "Nope I don't respect you, unless you can prove you deserve it by being kind, open minded, caring, honest, responsible, reliable and not stupid."

I guess I can keep dreaming.

I think you're right when you wonder if it's just an example of social rules. I don't believe NTs really have more respect for authority,I think it's just that they're more comfortable being two-faced about it. I've seen examples of people who dance to a manager's tune while in their presence,then happily criticise them behind their back.

There's two sides to it.I can respect someone in authority as long as they are reasonable but as soon as I see through any blatant attempt to use their authority as an excuse for bullying,then I lose the respect.

It seems so. There's a whole pathology for it now labelled Oppositional Defiant Disorder.

I think with autism and authority, it's more like we don't necessarily understand why someone has authority, so we don't instantly give it. For some reason NTs seem to know that a badge or a certificate or just the fear/respect given to someone by their peers is enough evidence that the person in question has authority and should be treated as such.

I think it often gets worse when said authority figure then proves that they are not to be trusted or respected by picking up on that lack and then attempting to force respect in some way.

I have a basic level of respect for anyone, but for someone to have 'authority' over me, I need direct evidence of why that should be so.

I'm a Libertarian Socialist. I don't see anything wrong with having a natural suspicion of authority and that it is now classifed as a disorder seems completely over the top and sad to me.

It's not just an aspie trait, though we are probably a bit more prone to be... less diplomatic... in communicating it. My entire family's like that, even the NTs, they're just more subtle about completely disregarding idiots in positions of authority. Until they've tried everything else, at which point someone is about to get yelled at and threatened with lawsuits/press coverage/going over their head.

Authority is a social concept, if an entire nation decides that their leader doesn't have the authority to tell them what to do... well, if you can't make someone do something by force and they've decided not to do as you tell them voluntarily, you got jack in the way of authority over them and can scream all you want about how no, you really control them, you really really really do and they're being poopyheads not to follow you... and that still ain't gonna make them do squat. But we don't exactly conform well to many social rules since we don't quite grasp as well many social concepts, so I guess we might be a bit more prone to question why someone is allowed to be in charge. Especially if the person in charge is A. an idiot, B. completely incompetent, and C. actively working against the very goal they're supposed to be trying to attain.

Personally I'm fine with giving people a chance, but respect is earned. If people think they can just demand my respect they got another thing coming. I'm very loyal to those who've proven themselves, but a position of authority on it's own is meaningless to me. The power it commands may be real, and may be good to take steps to protect oneself against the misuse of such power. But caution and respect are not the same thing as far as I'm concerned and neither are authority and power.

Thanks for the replies! So, do you guys respect your parents, because they're the people who made and raised you, or because they're very nice people? My mom and most other parents I know seem to expect respect from their children by default. If I say something not so polite they remind me I should not talk to parents that way. I just can't understand that and keep forgetting my parents are not my friends.

*BTW I haven't lived with them for 17 years, and we're Chinese.

Well, I respect them because they were some of the kindest and smartest people I've known, good people and good parents. If they'd been mean and abusive I wouldn't feel any need to respect them just because of them being my parents. I mean there would be some connection I imagine, it would be hard to grow up with people without there being some connection and maybe even something resembling love - however twisted poor treatment or even abuse can make love into.

But I don't automatically respect people because of their age. A**holes and jerks both get born and age just like the rest of us. Of course that's coming from the point of view of one of those rock'n'roll listening, video game playing, heathen European social-democrats who have no respect for [insert name of favorite institution] (unless it's well reasoned and supported by experience) so please feel free to take anything I say with at least a grain of salt.

I agree with the other replies. Authority is a social concept.

For me to respect someone authority they have to earn it from me through their actions. When someone in authority doesn't deserve that respect then I have no problem disrespecting it and letting them know it. Not the wisest course of action at times as it has caused me problems in the past. But I just cannot fake respect even when it is to my benefit to do so.

i can follow most of the above, however i have a slight problem with the word respect, people use it as if you either have respect for someone or you dont.
in my world respect is more of a topic related thing, you can respect one thing in a person and critisize another(lack of a better word, just woke up).

True, I respect my sister's knowledge on literature and art and I respect that she's very good at all things involved in successfully assimilating to that part of the world. As a person though she's pretty awful to be around and I'd rather sit through an 8 hour lecture on the history of North European fishing policies in the 19th century than share her company (and trust me, that stuff is dull enough it can kill you!). That would also be an example of someone who's authority I wouldn't respect, if she tried to boss me around I would not put up with it. Within this context I interpret the part about respect as relating to overall character, rather than specific aspect of a person.

Now if we were talking about successfully entering the art world, then I might defer to her expertise. Although some people are just so difficult to be around that it would probably not be worth it.

In my childhood I showed some disrespect to my parents, but not intentionally. At one time, I happened to say to my mum that they are to blame for my behavioral shortcomings... She was very upset, I could not manage these thing around me. Later, with older head, I corrected things and attitudes of mine, but it was not easy to me until recently. Same goes with my twin-sister.

I don't know if it's an Aspie trait, but I do know I once respected "authority" until I discovered my "faith" in it was not well-placed.

The more I learn about those in authority, the more I distrust and have no respect for them.

I'm a NT and agree that people need to earn respect. I tend to approach people in authority with the assumption they they are worthy of respect until they blow my expectations. Then depending on what I wanted from them I stifle my frustration and do my best to look pleasant. One of my sons has Aspergers. He was 48 before he was identified as having Aspergers. He started out trusting people with a happy child's naivete and the assumption everyone, including those in authority, would treat him with equal respect, but learned the moment he opened his mouth and disagreed with the person's point of view that few did. Now, even though he theoretically understands how to deal with authority figures, his Aspergers dictates his scathing contempt for stupid authority figures. And he literally cannot control his reaction even when some part of him knows he's doing himself harm. Even on the rare occasions when he manages to keep his mouth shut, his face registers such contempt for the authority figure's power that they cause him a lot of harm. Do people who are diagnosed when they are very young ever learn to squelch their anger however righteous it is?