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Dave_19_Essex
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18 Jul 2006, 11:08 am

Whenever i have to talk to people ie: doctors telling them the symptoms i get in such a fluster and my mum has to tell the doctor but then she comes out with "he has aspergers" and it really frustrates me when so does this i would really rather people didnt know as far as i see it what people dont know cant hurt them.

anyone have this problem?



Sundy
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18 Jul 2006, 12:40 pm

Tell your mother to stop saying that like it's an excuse. That would make me absolutley insane. My mother was doing it a little bit but instead of Aspergers (what I actually have), she was saying, "Oh, that's her Autism." Nice mom, nice. I told her to stop saying it. People don't need to know about all that! It made me feel like because I have AS, my words and thoughts should be discounted and taken with a grain of salt...like because of AS, what I thought didn't mean anything and others should ignore me. Talk about a blow to your self esteem man. Your words mean something, no matter how flustered or disjointed they come out. Your mom thinking that she's "helping by explaining the problem" makes the listener tune out anything you do try to say, even if it comes out the way you want it to. She doesn't need to make excuses for you. What's there to excuse? If she really wanted to help you, she'd allow you to speak the way that you speak. If she jumps in, it hinders your ability to communicate...like she's speaking for you. You don't want that.

So it's not just you.



Dave_19_Essex
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18 Jul 2006, 12:43 pm

Thanks for the reply Sundy i will talk to my mum about it and let her know how i feel and hopefully that will sort it :)



larsenjw92286
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18 Jul 2006, 1:39 pm

No, I don't think it's just you.

People ask confidential questions all the time.

I was just asked a confidential question a few minutes ago. I am working with Employment Resources and an agency that I don't think you've ever heard of (you are British, correct?)

So, now, my job coach for work knows that I am on a high bleep diet.

Please don't be surprised if other people ask questions like that about you in the near future.


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18 Jul 2006, 1:43 pm

I'm not completely sure what you are saying, but these other people seem to have the idea.

Is your mom opening up to the world that you have AS? So if one of your friends talks to your mom, and they complain about something you did, she tells them you have AS?

That's not very good. Not acceptable. Tell your mom that you appreciate her help, but that she needs to respect your social privacy a little more.



Dave_19_Essex
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18 Jul 2006, 1:51 pm

Steve_Cory wrote:
I'm not completely sure what you are saying, but these other people seem to have the idea.

Is your mom opening up to the world that you have AS? So if one of your friends talks to your mom, and they complain about something you did, she tells them you have AS?

That's not very good. Not acceptable. Tell your mom that you appreciate her help, but that she needs to respect your social privacy a little more.


Sort of like that yes but it's mostly doctors and various other work places.



larsenjw92286
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18 Jul 2006, 1:53 pm

Can I not say "fiber?"


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Dave_19_Essex
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18 Jul 2006, 1:54 pm

larsenjw92286 wrote:
Can I not say "fiber?"

Sorry i dont understand what you mean please rephrase :)



larsenjw92286
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18 Jul 2006, 1:55 pm

Is "fiber" not a good word to say because it is confidential?


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Shivani
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18 Jul 2006, 2:04 pm

In defence of your mum, I have a 19yr old son with AS, and usually we have to visit the doctor for things pertaining to this ie, sleeping tablets or referral letters etc.. Liam prefers me to be with him and discuss this with the doctor. However, one time we were with a locum on another matter, and she kept yelling at Liam, which made him cringe and very flustered. (I think it was just her way of speaking, but it was loud). Anyway, the GP asked him to SPEAK UP, which made matters worse. I asked her if she could perhaps tone her voice down as he has AS. She said "WHAT'S AS", so I needed to explain it to her. Well, Liam glared at me, and switched off. I know he does not like me mentioning it like that, but sometimes I don't know what to say. Do I pass a furtive note, so Liam is not made to feel uncomfortable? Is there any way that I can get the message across to ignorant health professionals etc. without making Liam feel awkward?


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Dave_19_Essex
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18 Jul 2006, 2:09 pm

Shivani wrote:
In defence of your mum, I have a 19yr old son with AS, and usually we have to visit the doctor for things pertaining to this ie, sleeping tablets or referral letters etc.. Liam prefers me to be with him and discuss this with the doctor. However, one time we were with a locum on another matter, and she kept yelling at Liam, which made him cringe and very flustered. (I think it was just her way of speaking, but it was loud). Anyway, the GP asked him to SPEAK UP, which made matters worse. I asked her if she could perhaps tone her voice down as he has AS. She said "WHAT'S AS", so I needed to explain it to her. Well, Liam glared at me, and switched off. I know he does not like me mentioning it like that, but sometimes I don't know what to say. Do I pass a furtive note, so Liam is not made to feel uncomfortable? Is there any way that I can get the message across to ignorant health professionals etc. without making Liam feel awkward?

The way you have put that has made me think differently about it and has made me see that my mum is only trying to help :)



Shivani
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18 Jul 2006, 2:34 pm

[quote="Dave_19_Essex]
The way you have put that has made me think differently about it and has made me see that my mum is only trying to help :)[/quote]
Thanks for that...As mums, we are just trying to do our best, and I guess we can't always get it right. :?
FYI, I HATE it when people treat Liam differently....they under-estimate his intelligence and that really annoys me. AS is not something we discuss with all and sundry, only if it is necessary. For example, as far as friends etc go, it is up to him if he wants to discuss it, or not.


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Musical_Lottie
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18 Jul 2006, 5:14 pm

Shivani wrote:
In defence of your mum, I have a 19yr old son with AS, and usually we have to visit the doctor for things pertaining to this ie, sleeping tablets or referral letters etc.. Liam prefers me to be with him and discuss this with the doctor. However, one time we were with a locum on another matter, and she kept yelling at Liam, which made him cringe and very flustered. (I think it was just her way of speaking, but it was loud). Anyway, the GP asked him to SPEAK UP, which made matters worse. I asked her if she could perhaps tone her voice down as he has AS. She said "WHAT'S AS", so I needed to explain it to her. Well, Liam glared at me, and switched off. I know he does not like me mentioning it like that, but sometimes I don't know what to say. Do I pass a furtive note, so Liam is not made to feel uncomfortable? Is there any way that I can get the message across to ignorant health professionals etc. without making Liam feel awkward?


I see that as necessary and helpful. What I don't like is when my Mum tells people about my hearing. I don't mind people knowing, as long as I tell them myself, or I've asked for them to be told. But I hate it when Mum tells random people - I feel as though they'll pity me or something, when I don't need pity.

I haven't yet mentioned to Mum about the possibility of my having an ASD, though I'm getting gradually closer, but I can understand what you're saying, Dave - privacy is privacy. Whenever I go to the doctor for anything I take my Mum with me because I get all flustered too, but thank goodness she can't come out with any 'excuses' for it!


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