Receiving gifts you don't like

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I can remember more that a few christmases or birthdays where I got something I didn't want or need and said so.
I was never trying to be mean, I was just being honest. And I always tried to put it nicely not just saying "I don't like this" I would say "This really isn't me," or things like that. But always it blew up in my face. I never said it to friends or anything, mostly my mom or dad or stepmother. I was never meaning to be rude, I was just being honest but everyone either got quiet or was mean about it.

My thought was why waste money on something if its never gonna be used.

I was wondering if anyone else had that problem. Saying outloud what you actually think of your gifts.

(And please no explanations on WHY they are hurt, I understand why they are hurt, it is kinda rude to say I don't like something someone spent time finding you.)

I have never said i dont like something someone brought for me, but i find it very hard to fake smile and such. I think they just know when i dont like it. Im the type of person that doesnt like having trinkets, "accessories" or random crap about the place. People that feel they need to buy things for me for birthdays or christmas always ask me now if i need anything first.

Had this problem my whole life and could never find a solution until my late 30s when I finally put my foot down and made the "rule" that NOBODY was to get me gifts from here on out. I also declared Xmas a non-gift holiday. It was just too stressful for me. It took several years of me being firm about this before everyone finally got how important it was to me. Now it is just accepted as a part of me. NO GIFTS. = a much happier Karla

I hate presents. All of them. If I don't like them, I'm like oh god, they're going to see it on my face, quick, wider smile, do some squeaking, do something!! ! If I do like them, I end up paranoid thinking exactly the same , except now it's "they're going to think I don't like it" and I'm pretty sure some people have thought before that a gift they gave me totally missed the mark because even when I LIKE IT, I still have to fake the reaction and I'm afraid they see how fake it is....
Gifts are horrible.But I would never say to someone that I don't really like their gift. I get sad in advance for the person showing up with something wrapped up for me. Because I know that even if I do like their gift, their feelings are going to get hurt. Sometimes I'm even resentful of them for putting me in that position. It's like a fakeness test.....I always fail.
The "recieving a gift" face is one I haven't mastered yet.

Dang.

I thought I was just a scrooge. I've never understood gift giving for holidays and birthdays. I didn't think this might be an aspie thing.

I have always enjoyed surprising my wife with a gift for "no reason". Holidays are an obligation. A surprise gift is a lot more fun.

I am still bitter about some gifts I received I just don't even know how people can give me these things. One of the few meltdowns I can remember from childhood was about receiving the wrong gift for my birthday.

Ugh, it's rough. I've never really had trouble telling people I couldn't use or didn't like their gifts, but I do know it's tactless. I've never asked people to stop giving me gifts, but I did tell my mother if she had to get me gifts to at least give me a gift card so I can buy something I can use.

This is why I just ask for money. It's always a lot better that way.

I don't even want money. A gift carries an implicit social obligation. I don't want to owe anybody anything.

I just say thanks when I get them. It's neither dishonest or honest. Just me being polite. Same as saying how nice of them to do it. It is nice of them to do it. Some say "Oh you shouldn't have" but I have never said.

I used to complain about what gifts I'd get because they weren't good enough or I had no use for it but I don't do that anymore because it's so rude. But I have no problem telling my family things about what they give us but they usually do good giving me what we need or what I'd like.

My mother in law got me a mobile for our baby but it was useless because it was just the mobile thing, nothing for it to hang on. And the other thing they got us was nothing, it came with a boppy and arches for the toys to hang from but they didn't come with so the thing was useless. I said I can always buy some and hang them on there which is true and then I said we have enough of those play gyms for our baby. I mean we have one from IKEA my mother bought us before he was born and another one from one of my dad's friends and his wife and now this. But we took it home with us and left the mobile behind.

Now I have enough stuff I always say I don't need anything except stuff that can be used up like food, candy, or soap or shampoo. I also don't want gift cards either. I would prefer checks or money since I can save it or use it for Wii/DSi points or use them for my ebook. Or use it to buy my baby more cloth diapers.

I accept graciously, then next time I pass the charity shop they get it.
It saves so much fuss and it makes you feel good that you've donated something 'new'.

I remember when I was around 9 my grandmother bought me a toy red fire truck and I wasn't that thrilled but I tried to look like I was. I think I may have forgotten about it and left it behind. I feel bad about it now.

My parents loved to wrap things that were not real presents and put them under the Christmas tree. They thought my reaction when I opened them was hilarious. That's probably why it took me a long time to learn to accept presents gracefully.

Eventually, I learned that there is no tactful way to say that you don't like a present. Look for something positive; sometimes even the worst gifts have some positive feature. Otherwise, just say that you appreciate the effort that they put into it, or ask them how they thought of it. It's honest, but still makes them feel appreciated.

That's a great solution.

I once received a gift card to a store that sells stuff I don't want. So I walked into the store and handed the card to the first customer I saw. I briefly explained why ("somebody gave me this gift card but this isn't my style") and left. I hope that made her day.

To be honest, I do not like gift cards, either, but I can't seem to convince my mother that all that really works is money.

I'm not really in a position to turn gifts down, but I don't need gifts that are useless to me.

.

Last edited by KBerg on 20 Mar 2011, 12:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I used to say that I didn't like them when I was younger, but now I don't.