The "Trapped In A Shell" Analogy From A Different

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I just thought of a new take on the "shell" analogy .

You know how sometimes autism is described as the "normal" person being trapped inside a shell.

For a long time I took that as including both being trapped from their real self and from the external world's perception of their self.

Now I realized there's another way to take this analogy. It could refer to the "normal" person being hidden from the external world. The person's own self may be completely aware of who they really are but unable to express who they really are with the external world.

That's how I've felt to some extent and I hate it. I feel like there's never been a time in my life where people have had an accurate perception of my thoughts, my feelings, my needs and wants, my personality, my intentions. That's all I really want! I want to be understood and I can't get that.

Oh I hear you. I really want to communicate well to people so they can understand me better but I can only do it through writing. But most of my life I also struggled with reading and writing so had no way of really communicating effectively. That and I never had the desire to talk to people.

I'm not trapped, I'm a free range aspie.

Once, years ago, a friend of a roommate called me to tell me about this woman she knew. I couldn't figure out why she would do that for no apparent reason. I finally asked her and she said she thought this woman and I ought to be friends. She said she wanted to bring me "out of my shell". It never occurred to her that my "shell" was where I wanted to be. I guess I perceive the shell as a place of peace and contentment. I am not totally without desire for human interaction but I like to observe the world from a private vantage point. I don't see myself as being trapped from my real self at all.

Feel ya. I have an understanding of how I view the world/universe/multiverse and how humans fit in as pieces of this very large puzzle. My struggle is finding reference points in works of literature, art, media, other things that other people have created that can describe how I am feeling/understanding as well, and then translating those pieces of external influence into my own personality without being completely overwhelmed with data and having my head explode.

I am 21 and I have only recently (within the last year, maybe) come to this realization that the external world holds clues and references to our internal states that we can then internalize and have a sort of dialogue with, a dialogue that will also help us relate to other people.

Before that I expected it all to come from within me and was completely overwhelmed, either that or did not realize that I was not adequately expressing myself in the external world.

I like to describe it as people living in their image. They live inside the image they project to others, and lose themselves eventually.

I've been thinking of it as a bubble. But a not like a soap bubble. A bubble of tough material, like a shell, that has the capacity to harden, but is flexible only to an extent.

The bubble warps the view of it's inhabitant, and also warps the view of people outside the bubble.

This is why the Autistic has a view of the world nobody else can see or understand. What they see from the outside isn't an accurate representation of what's really inside. What the inhabitant sees isn't an accurate representation of what lies outside. As the two describe what they see to each other, neither description makes sense to the other, because the description doesn't match what they think they are seeing.

Also, when "outsiders" try to influence the bubble's inhabitant, that influence is viewed as a threat, because the method of influence is based on what the outsider thinks they are seeing, which of course doesn't match what the inhabitant knows is there. When the inhabitant feels threatened, the bubble is hardened, and becomes less flexible, sometimes to the point of becoming rigid, and even changes from being see through to totally opaque. Outsiders mistakenly view this as "stubbornness," when what it really is, is self defense.

The clam analogy works to some extent though. A clam is normally open just enough to allow sea water to flow through its stomach, capturing tiny organisms for food. The "outsiders" above can be viewed as starfish. Starfish feed on shellfish by clamping down on their shells, forcing them to open, and sucking out their insides (pretty picture, huh?). When a clam is threatened by a starfish, it clamps shut suddenly, pulling itself closed tighter and tighter the harder the starfish tries to get it open.

I think of a lot of educational professionals as starfish. They sometimes unknowingly cause Autistic children to feel threatened, and become frustrated when the child "clams up." Most of them seem to react to the phenomenon the same way, by trying harder to get the child to open up, applying more pressure, not realizing that by doing so they are causing the child to clam up even tighter.

The hardest thing to convince these starfish to do is NOTHING. Stop putting pressure on the poor kid! Leave him alone, and he's open up when he's ready! When he no longer feels threatened. Take a lesson from nature! The clam, once all the starfish are gone for a while, opens right back up and continues on normally, as if nothing had happened.

The concept of leaving the kid alone, and letting him come around when he's ready is totally foreign to almost everyone in the educational field. Their job is to TEACH kids, and they can't teach a kid who won't open up. It is SO hard to convince them to just back off and quit doing what they do.

The few that do bother to actually try it are amazed, if they are patient enough to try it long enough. "My god! it works!" they say.

Too bad many of them (as few as they are) seem to have bad memories. In my experience, quite a lot of those that do bother trying this, and seeing that it works, forget by the next time it happens, and go right back to driving the kid deeper into his shell.

Then, we get the inevitable phone call.

"He's doing it again! Any suggestions?"

"Uh. Yeah, dingbat! Same thing I told you last time! KNOCK OFF WHAT YOU'RE DOING AND LEAVE HIM ALONE!"

Or maybe we need a shell to seek refuge in sometimes because our skin is thinner?

Could you elaborate?

Yes I've felt that way for a lot of my life.....like there is something between me and everyone else. For quite some time I've tried to fight that and come out a bit more and interact more with people. But now I've decided the stronger the shell or wall is the less any more mental/emotional pain will get through. Which means I would only have to deal with whats already suppressed. But at the same time there is the possibility I would lose control and totally cut myself off from the rest of the world.

I'm not convinced that the 'trapped in a shell' metaphor really captures my experience. It's more that I exist in a different place, but one that is not at all confining. Where I run into trouble is when I try to share that place. My world seems to be sparsely populated. I encounter entities from time to time that speak my language. But there is this other world that is densely populated with people. I have no bridge to this world. They have no bridge to mine.

And what's wrong with having a "shell"? Why is that such a bad thing? I'm not trapped inside my shell, it's nice and comfortable in here.

I always felt like I was looking out of a window and when I was a teenager a teacher once asked me if I felt like I was looking out of a window, I automatically said no but have always wondered since what would have happened if I had been honest.

The 'bring you out of your shell' phrase is also used for me a lot.

I also feel that way, but I'm very afraid to cut myself off from the rest of the world. I keep trying to understand people better, and mostly try to let them understand me. Most of the time I get dissapointed, but every now and then someone comes closer and makes me believe that it's possible for others to understand me. They just need to try.

Maybe I'm naive in this matter, but I'm still hoping someday I'll find someone that'll understand me and be there for me.

If I had a dollar for every time someone told me to get out of my shell, I'd be a very rich man. In my experience, my "shell" is really just a shell of anxiety. I do want to socialize, I do want to make friends and have relations with women, I do want to be able to go to new places and explore the world, but only when I don't have the anxiety. I remember when I talked to my doctor about social anxiety, I told him it was like being trapped in a prison. I've been told to "have fun, enjoy life" by so many people, but I can't because of the constant, never ending anxiety that causes me to stay in my "shell". My ex girlfriend and I took a trip to Fort Myers, FL. She said she hoped it would "get me out of my shell". She said I was "like a scared little kid" the whole time, and she was right. It was so new to me, my familiar home was thousands of miles away, I had no place to go to feel comfortable, no one familiar to talk to. It was at the time we left that I was starting to get comfortable with the place we were staying at. And to boot, my girlfriend and I fought half of the time we were down there. So, I can't say I enjoyed myself to the fullest when I was on my vacation because of my anxiety of unfamiliar places and the difficulty my girlfriend and I had with fighting all the time. I had a few meltdowns down there. I just wish there was something I can do to get rid of this anxiety without prescription drugs.

Hiding under a blanket with my teddybear, that smells safe. Spending some time alone, walking around in the forrest. Nothing can make the anxiety magically go away. I always try to get some rest when I feel anxiety, go somewhere I feel save and crie and sleep a lot... Think there´s no real solution...