autism no specified and the confusion around me

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so here I am 35 going on 36. when i get over loaded I get really depressed so I have been told. I talk over people and easily get excited. I for some reason trust everyone. and only end up getting hurt. i was born intersexed so I do not know the male role or female role. I am just me. I feel thou more male than female. I have Autism no specified. ADD, anxiety disorder, stress disorder, mild mood swings, a steady depression(never changes),PTSD, OCD, panic disorder, fiber myalga, high cholesterall, heart issues. lets face it I am a mess. so like i was saying. I have never fit in ever! its just the way it has been. I have been with someone for 13 years. and to be quite honest I do not know how she does it. I have more good day than bad ones. but when they are bad they are real bad. I have a temper from hell. sorry if I am not suppose to say that. and I do not understand social norms. I have a 17 year old son who has aspergers, ADD, oppositional difanancy disorder, mood swings, and mild depression. I am always being miss understood. so I keep to myself. to be quite honest it's very lonely. My mom always says ry it's lonely at the top. I am still trying to comprehend that.
althou i have been successful at allot of things. I avoid failure at any cost. I have poor social skills and it only gets me in trouble. my son the aspie is always trying to protect me. I think my 21 year old daughter gave up on me. I JUST DON'T understand the norm. and to be quite blunt and honest I am sick of trying. I am tired 35 years I have been wondering aimlessly in the dark only to end up angry, tired, frustrated, confused, fearful and no lack of understanding of the norm no matter how hard I try. Oh to top it all off the mental health system where I live. by the way I live in arizona. Lost all my paper work and diagnoses. I am at my witz end on even how to fix this. and unsure if I am able to. I really just needed someone to talk to about all this.

Well, you're in the right place to talk about all of that stuff. Just breakit up into seperate discussion and talk it out with us.

By the way... you became a dad at age 14?

no my 21 yr old is a stepdaughter I love her as if she was my own. I feel like I grew up with her and my son!

Well you definitely aren't alone. there is very little that makes sense when it comes to - people -. I think it is amazing that you have a wife of 13 years and a daughter and a son. Many on the spectrum never reach that goal. That right there is a huge testament that you are doing something right. Your list of co morbids sounds partially familiar to me - I share some of those. The depression is the one that has always been my worst enemy. I can handle my other challenges pretty well but depression derails all of that and makes things seem pretty hopeless.

I'm concerned that you said your depression never changes. I am doubly concerned that you are in Arizona. That state has some of the worst health care in the country. You can get relief from depression - it will take a knowledgeable doctor though. I'm sure there are SOME good doctors in AZ - hopefully someone here can give you a recommendation to someone skilled in managing AS and all of its comorbids. Maybe start a thread specifically asking for recs would be helpful. LOOSING medical records may be a legally prosecutable offense... privacy laws and such make record handling serious business. It may be a good idea to get in touch with an autism advocate to see if they can help get you some answers and help coordinate the services you need. Loosing your medical records is inexcusable - they do not just get to toss their arms up in the air and walk away.

You know - you might make yourself crazy trying to decipher 'the norm'. The only norm I have ever seen is that nothing conforms to a 'norm'. The social rules we try so hard to learn and adhere to are in a constant state of flux - sometimes they change person to person. I know that doesn't make it any easier but it does stack the odds against us pretty dang high. And it's exhausting. NT's just don't understand how physically and mentally exhauting it is trying to understand them.

What your mom said is incredibly sweet if a little misguided but I think it speaks to alot of love there... She sees you at the 'top of the heap' as far as people in general are concerned. In reality you may feel like anything but the top, but to her other people pale in comparison. A mother's love is definitely biased and blind.

Welcome randomryan. Hopefully you'll find the support here you're looking for. I found that just KNOWING there are other people that understand EXACTLY what I'm talking about was a huge relief.

finding doctors in arizona that work with PPD is next to impossible. it feels like i am against a failing system that only works in its favor!

My insurance has now agreed to send me to a neuro-psych since they do not know what to do with me.