Do I have Asperger's Syndrome?

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I'm sorry if this inappropriate for me to ask here. I ask for your help as I believe that I may be on the autistic spectrum due to the difficulties in my social relationships.

I know that this is no place for a diagnosis, and I realize that this is something that really can’t be answered accurately online, but I thought it would be worth it to get an opinion before I went to see a psychiatrist face to face. Besides, I can’t stand talking to strangers. I am an 18 year-old male, and I realize that even if this is Asperger’s it is probably mild at the most. And before I begin, this probably won’t sound like Asperger’s from the beginning, but bear with me here. I’m sorry, I know this is incredibly long, but I want you to know as much about me as possible.

I’ll start off very young. I learned to talk at about 9-10 months. From, there I developed at the normal rate. My mother tells me that when I was young, I used to love to talk to adults; a lot more than I liked to talk to children (though I did talk to them); and about all sorts of things. When I wanted something I never took no for an answer, and I argued about everything. Any rule that didn’t make sense, at home or in school, I would argue until I won. I remember when I was young that I had a very hard time (sometimes) telling people apart by their faces if I just met them; and I would often mistake strangers for people I knew. I also remember that I almost never could tell when someone got a haircut unless it was very drastic. I sort of grew out of that, though. I am told that I would cry and throw tantrums for hours and the only thing that would calm me down is if my mom played the Carmen Sandiego theme song over and over again. The only other thing I remember about my young childhood, that is of any relevance, was that I was very hyper all the time. Tales have been passed down of my feats for years. I couldn’t sit still for a minute.

Also, I don’t know how important it is, but my uncle tells me that when I watched TV as a baby I wouldn’t focus during the show and would only pay attention when the commercials were playing.

Throughout my later childhood (from about 6 on), I developed what can only be described as Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. I used to rub my face against the walls, kiss doorknobs, turn the lights on and off, perform rituals, and all that sort of stuff. I absolutely had to. There was no apparent reason for it, but I absolutely had to. It has sort of devolved since then, but it’s still present. It’s not as bad, and it doesn’t take up as much time. I keep all of the things in my room in a special spot, facing a special direction. It’s not exactly neat, but is in a proper place and if anyone touches it I freak out. I also hate germs; I can’t stand them. And I don’t know if this has anything to do with anything, but when I am reading, the obsessions in my head make it “hurt” to read. I don’t know if I can explain it right, but it makes me very uncomfortable, and no - I don’t need glasses.

I like to do drugs to alleviate some of my obsessive tendencies (at least for a little while) but I usually have a hard time doing them. I like to make sure that conditions are just right as I am paralyzed with fear of being caught.

I know it just sounds like I have OCD so far, but here’s where it gets Aspergery. Well, sort-of.

I always avoid social situations, as I never have anything to talk about unless it’s about something I like. I can’t keep a conversation going. I don’t really have a problem with eye contact, but I don’t like to make it when talking to people I don’t know well. I also have to consciously think about what to do with my eyes the whole conversation. Sometimes I think if I’m not looking at someone they can’t see me, even though I know it’s not true. I call it the Jurassic Park effect. I also have some social anxiety. I don’t like to meet new people and I hate commitment. I am consistently told that I am rude and awkward upon meeting new people, though I didn’t intend to be. I am also referred to as “weird” (or a similar word) just about every day from my friends. It is very common for me to be silenced because I’ve said something inappropriate. I usually know what they’re talking about, though I seldom know why.

I love to talk about subjects I know a lot about, but I don’t really have one subject I’m absolutely obsessed with, just a few I know a lot about. When I’m talking in a group (or to someone one-on-one) I don’t really have anything to say unless we’re talking about something I like. I guess I don’t even know what to say. I hate when the subject changes. All I want to do is keep talking about the same thing, but everyone else wants to move on. I also tend to be egocentric. I know that the world doesn’t revolve around me, but sometimes I forget to observe that. I sometimes have trouble with sarcasm, but I think everyone does (I’m usually pretty good with it actually); but I have a hard time reading people’s body language. I know when they’re trying to express something non-verbally but I rarely know what it is. I can detect changes in people’s tone of voice, but I almost never know what it means. And especially I can never tell, when someone is mad, if they’re kidding or not. If two people are arguing I won’t know if they’re fighting until fists are thrown. I also don’t have a very difficult time with idioms, like I know Aspies do.

I like to make jokes and funny faces, but I don’t really change my tone of voice that often unless I’m doing an impersonation of someone. I sound pretty monotonous.

I can control myself when I want to talk about my favorite things, but it is really hard. I fully know that nobody cares about what I want to tell them, but I don’t care. I want to be sure that they know what I know and that I know it. Today, my teacher was reading an essay about a subject I’m very knowledgeable about (video games). Some of the information was wrong and it was killing me inside to not burst out and correct him. Sometimes I come off as hostile to people who are either wrong or disagree with my sentiments; or really, just with facts I am sure of.

I have a horrible habit of repeating myself, saying things over again until I’m sure others know it. I tell the same stories all the time and I usually have a very hard time dropping a subject. I hate changing it, especially when I’m protesting something.
I often don’t get symbolism or movies. I love movies, and I enjoy fiction, but I don’t understand why characters behave a certain or sometimes I just don’t “get it.”

I don’t like people and don’t really care about them; I always feel like I’d be better off without them. I will listen to them though, and sometimes I like to know what they’re thinking, study them sort-of. I don’t know if that’s unusual for an Aspie. I care about family, but just that they’re safe and that’s it. I don’t worry about them unless I‘m sure they‘re in serious danger. I get over deaths pretty easily. I mourn heavily for a few days, but forget about it rather quickly. I don’t understand people who are haunted for years about family members dying.

I’m also very paranoid all the time about everything. And I can’t stand rules, but often can’t bring myself to break them. I used to argue them a lot. I still do now, but rarely.

I can’t stand to hear certain words in certain contexts. I hate the words individual (when referring to a singular person, not a singular object), redundant, and mock (when used in the sense of mimic, not fake) to name a few. I absolutely hate saying words like “mad” (to mean very) or “hot” (to mean attractive (I actually hate the word attractive too)). I usually like to speak with standard or formal words, but often make my own strange words up in a sort-of Clockwork Orange way that my friends understand.

I don’t understand my friends who think they’re in love. I want to have sex with girls, but I don’t want a relationship. I understand loneliness but that’s what friends are for, why have a girlfriend? Seems like a waste of time and money to me. Maybe I’m just a jerk.

Moving away from the social stuff, I find myself stimming a lot. I’m always either shaking my leg or playing with a pen or just dancing around when I’m alone. I like to play a lot, in my room, with objects as well, such as canes or little balls. I also have terrible insomnia, and I think it’s due to my mind being unable to rest. I’ve been having trouble getting to sleep for as long as I can remember, even as a baby.

I am very, very uncoordinated. I’m always tripping over things when there’s a lot of stuff on the floor, and I’m always dropping things. I also have the worst handwriting on the planet that years of handwriting training in school couldn’t correct. I don’t walk strangely though, as I’ve read was a sign of Asperger’s. At least, I don’t think I walk strangely.

I did sports but have since quit since I didn’t really like them. The only sport I liked and was good at was wrestling, but my coach was a huge douche and made me feel uncomfortable so I quit.

Now, I hate really loud music, but the volume doesn’t really physically hurt me as much as it just irritates the hell out of me. I don’t like the feel of some things, like chalk or velvet, but nails on a chalkboard aren‘t a bother. Whenever I’m in a large crowd I get disoriented, and start walking around almost bumping into everybody. I sort of lose my head, and get lightheaded, uncoordinated, and weak, and I don’t know how to walk without crashing into other people. Bright lights don’t bother me at all.

I can’t talk to someone and watch TV at the same time, though I do have a good short-term memory and an excellent long-term one. I can remember almost anything I see, but not always what I’m told. Sometimes I remember everything and other times I forget what was just said to me and when someone asks me to do something, I often forget what it was. I can easily listen to the same song all day long , and often do, and have a very hard time getting songs out of my head.

I understand that Aspies are supposed to be very good with math and science? Well, I’m certainly not bad at them but I get very bored with math and fall behind easily. My real interest is writing creative fiction and it is something that I have become quite good at. I believe that it is rumored that Emily Dickinson and George Orwell had Asperger’s. Just putting that out there.

I am very afraid of having to move out and get a job. I guess I’m not really so much afraid as it is that I just don’t want to get a job. I don’t understand the conventions of society. Nothing has any intrinsic value and life is meaningless anyway.

I don’t know if these things have anything to do with it, but I fail every single color blindness test I take, but I can see colors just fine. I also used to not be able to match my clothes for many years, but have gotten better at it recently. I also have a dreadful fear of spiders. Again, they probably have nothing to do with it but I want to get everything out there.

Lastly, I’m known to throw a temper tantrum every now and then when someone tries to get me to do something I don’t want to do (Kind of like Rain Man, when he doesn’t want to go on the plane, but without the hitting myself). I hate growing up, and I like to still play with my kid toys and games. I don't act or talk like a little kid though. To sum it up: I act maturely, but play immaturely.

I’d also like to add that the social things (reading body language and social rules) were a lot worse when I was a kid, but I’ve sort of taught myself how to behave for the most part.

Now, this probably doesn’t sound like Asperger’s and I could just be selfish and rude, but I’d like to think that there’s more to it than that. I will admit that I do find all of you a bit…weird. I don’t act as strangely as you, some of you guys just give me the creeps (no offense) and odds are that there’s nothing wrong with me and I’m just overreacting. Just bringing it out there as a possibility.

Thank you for reading.

I wonder that too. I have quite a few more years on me, and a 14 year old child with a diagnosis of autism. My son's pediatrician actually asked me if I was aspergic, and I took that to heart. It was not offensive, but upsetting enough that I'm thinking of looking into seeing a professional myself to see if an Asperger's diagnosis comes out of it. I watched the video someone has posted on here Wayseermanifesto, and it was so inspirational, I connected with the images at so many points. There are quizs on there that I think are just bunk, though.

Back in the day, I was attending an Autism Association meeting with my little boy and his father. One of the other mothers said she had assumed that his father was autistic based on the way he walked. I'd never heard of that being an indicator, but that comment did shine a light on some of the troubles we were having in our relationship. He had/has a drugs and alcohol problem, very bad sometimes, though I don't know anymore because he left us back in 2005. Some of his behaviors that I thought odd or offensive could be explained by autism or aspergers, and hey, didn't I find him attractive in the first place because I saw something familiar in him? My poor kiddo got the double whammy then, didn't he?

Asperger's could explain a lot of my own social awkwardness, odd quirks, and maybe even delusions. Worth looking into!

Bump.

You should ask a professional that question.

Welcome to WP!

Might I also add that I like to count things (mostly when I'm not doing anything else), I'm always reading- and memorizing for a short while- people's license plates, and I look for, and notice, patterns in everything.

Welcome; however, I can't say I know the answer to your question.

Last bump, I promise.