Did you ever think you were going crazy?

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What I mean is when you got worse as you got older or when you reached puberty or your teen years, did you think you were faking it or doing it on purpose but couldn't understand why you couldn't stop? Did you feel confused because you couldn't understand why you were more sensitive to noise or touch, etc or why your social skills had gotten worse, etc. or why you could no longer handle change as well?

Then when you discovered online about autism getting worse in adolences, did you feel relieved?

Also bonus question, did your parents ever acuse you of trying to be autistic/Asperger's? Then did they ever say it was so great having the real you back instead of autism?

When I was about 14, I felt like I was suddenly going insane. My Autism has definitely gotten more pronounced as I have gotten older and I wondered why I wasn't like my peers as a kid and why it seemed like it was getting worse. I thought I was maybe losing my mind, but once I did some more research, I felt better and more like what I was going through was not as uncommon as I thought it was. I've been lurking on these forums here since since 2008 and all of the stories of the users helped me a lot. I wanted to post but I was too shy.

My mom accused my of pretending to be more "severe" back then, but once she realized it wasn't a phase or anything, she accepted it. One of my aunts, however, said I wasn't Autistic because she has a nonverbal son with classic Autism and my diagnosis is High-Functioning Autism.

I got better again so I think it was just the anxiety that was making my symptoms more pronounced. I noticed getting worse seems common in ASD teens and being a teen is tough for all kids especially for NTs but it probably does more affect on us.

My mom has admitted a few years ago when I have more anxiety, more autism comes out so maybe she does know now but never said anything about it. But it would always help a lot if everyone would just tell me they have changed their mind or were wrong what they thought of me or else I will keep thinking they still think that of me. I was 24 or 25 when I found out I was not an embarrassment to my brothers because when I was 16 my mom had told me I embarrass them. Then when she was denying it, I told her she had told me that when I was 16 so how can she say I am not an embarrassment to my family and she goes "That was when they were younger, at that time you embarrassed them but then they got older and didn't feel that way anymore." Well gee Mom why didn't you tell me in high school that I no longer embarrass my brothers? That comment stuck with me for years and I thought that of myself for years.

I dont think it the answer your looking for but the only times I've felt crazy ( losing touch with reality ) is during nervous breakdowns ( had about 4 ).

The first time I remember being conscious of being "crazy" was at 5 years old. I was supposed to stay with this family I didn't know for lunch and the afternoon. I could not stand it and I left. I made my way back home and sat on the step until Mom got home. I'm not sure what concern was sparked by the determined departure of a 5 year old to the adults concerned, but I remember at that moment sitting at the large full lunch table that I was fundamentally different from these people and I had to get away from them.
That was the first time; there were plenty of others, some painful and some empowering.

I am crazy; I'm unpredictable and volatile. I have to be mindful of this and always check my behaviour. And take my medications.

too much sunlight tends to make me feel crazy, as if i were on drugs (even if i'm not taking any drugs/medication). dopamine and stuff and whatnot, i guess. bupropion (aka wellbutrin) had the same effect after a couple of weeks

i remember adolescence as pretty much a manic-depressive phase of my life. i wasn't quite sane

i remember when i was (seven, maybe?) i saw the question "are you normal?" written on a loose page of a newspaper that was on the floor when someone was painting a wall, and i immediately realized that the answer was "no". i never had the illusion that i was normal. everyone always made it abundantly clear to me that they thought i was weird. but i was often accused of playing dumb anyway

i was never diagnosed with anything (other than a thyroid disorder) until my mid/late twenties though

I've never felt normal but I started to suspect something when I hit perimenopause. I feel crazy frequently. Things got so much worse. It's what made me seek out a diagnosis. Looking back on my life Aspergers explains everything.

I definitely noticed things getting 'worse' in my teens and since, but I attribute this more to changing circumstances than to a change in me. From around 10-11 yo, when people start to 'grow up' and change their interests, social behaviours etc. I became aware that I didn't have the same impetus to change that my classmates had. Things like gossip, dating, parties and so on all seemed pointless and juvenile; it was like a weird irony that only I could see, they thought they were being grown up, but I thought the very act of wanting to grow up was immature. I didn't know I was autistic then but I did know I was smart, and for a long time I thought I couldn't connect with people because of my intelligence. Thinking that made me feel arrogant to myself, but I was just working with the facts I had .

Naturally as this went on I felt more and more different from my friends, and by the time I was 16 I felt totally separate; this hasn't changed since. I remember one day I surprised myself by breaking down about all the ways I was different from other people. My parents had been telling me off about something and I just lost it, I was crying and hitting my hands against my wardrobe in anger, and I had a good long rant. Sometimes I have rants where I don't know what I'm going to say until I hear it, I don't know if anyone else has those. In college I was solitary but occasionally sat with my old school friends. In uni I really thought I'd find people who 'got' me, but I didn't and it all went to hell. So yes, since my teen years I have felt the impact of ASD more, but I think its because one's circumstances become more complicated as one gets older.

I was diagnosed at 20 and I am wary of playing up to my symptoms now that I know what they are. However I also remind myself that a lot of the sensory issues I've had are discomforts I've just put up with, because I didn't have a medical explanation and as such people suggested I should just 'get over it'. For example, I have always been sensitive to sunlight, but was always mocked or chided for my aversion. Now I know why I am sensitive, and I able to assert myself, I can (and do) wear sunglasses all year round, and stay indoors for sunny days. From the outside it might seem like I've gotten worse or more sensitive, but it's really just that I'm more comfortable in asserting myself; I know why I feel bad in sunlight, I know how to help myself, and I do.

Quite apart from ASD, I have felt like I was going crazy many times, and I think that I was. I know I'm insane, it's fine.

Lol same here. I just thought the kids were being dumb about it, and at the time, I was above average intelligence when it came to academics so I was arrogant as well, and sort of looked down upon those kids. I even thought dating was dumb in 8th grade, but somehow I just paid no attention to it later in high school. Never partook in it, and in retrospect I think it is something I missed out on, because it would have been a time to at least figure yourself out and "explore" how relationships should be, I guess. I'm 21 now and I just don't even really try to put myself out there because I'm so wary with how inexperienced I am. Never even had a first kiss.

I still think it's kind of dumb to a degree lol. Like a guy was protesting to me the other day that "I don't care if a relationship is difficult, I still think what we have is worth it"; this just means nothing to me. What do we "have" exactly? And why is it worth it? It just seems like a total waste of time... There are better things we both could be doing than getting all angsty about dating, it's just illogical and annoying. And that makes me sound like a robot, lol, but I do understand love, I just hardly ever make strong enough connections.

I do kind of regret not dating in school sometimes. I had lots of boys ask me out and go in for first kisses, I could have gone with it for a bit just to 'experiment', but for whatever reason I never did. So I've never had a first kiss either!

I don't think I've ever really gone crazy, although there have been times where I wish I could. Now, I have acted out in the past to get attention or express my frustration. But In much too in control to be considered "crazy".

I think I'm crazy now. I'm a mad artist, muh ha ha ha.

But I'm not as crazy as some other artists, like the ones who swallow paint and then bend over and regurgitate it to make paintings. Gross!

I started to feel more out of place as a teenager than when I was little. I think it was easier for to interact when I was little because it's more straight forward. I think most of it had to do with becoming more aware that I was different though. I also started to get panic attacks as a teenager and they made me feel crazy.