Who to marry? Better AS or NT wife?

Post Reply New Topic

hi there,

i am an emotionally very sensitive aspie with high moral standards, a quirky sense of humor. I wonder what kind of wife whould fit to me best?

Also a very sensitive person, probably having AS? or better some NT person, who is not as sensible? I am not sure, is it better to have a wife which is as emotionally sensible as me or not?

thanks,
anton

not all NT's or AS people are the same.
you should judge on a person-to-person basis.

I think that this belongs in Love and Dating.

you may be right, but i consider this not a question limited to love and dating. I consider that as a general AS-question. I ask about love in particular, but generally the question behind it is.... do sensitive persons fit to sensitive persons, can they understand each other better, or is a mixture better.

thanks,
anton

I think you are asking the wrong question. It doesn't matter if your spouse is AS or NT anywhere near as much as if you both are able to give what is needed to a relationship. A selfish NT is going to kill a relationship just as surely as a selfish aspie.

I think it is safe to assume than an AS/AS marriage will have some unique challenges, but that's life. It's how you handle those challenges that matters.

ok maybe my question is abit too general, mmm....

i just always that that i need a person as sensitive as me, because i thought that she would understand me better .... other not so sensitive persons seem so cold to me.... but i am not sure, if it is really good to have...mm...

They're just way too different from each other for you to be able to predict who you'd be happy with just by neurotype. I'd suggest you get to know women of both sorts and just find someone who you're attracted to, and who is attracted to you, with whom you can be close friends, understand each other, solve problems together, communicate effectively, and generally work together well; it won't matter whether she's autistic or NT if you can do that, because you'll be able to bridge the gap between you--there's a gap even if you're both autistic; there always is, in any relationship.

And wow, that was a long sentence. Good luck.

I suggest the hybrid NT-AS model. You can order one on ebay.

....

I agree with the others; the difference between individuals is greater than the difference between 'AS' and 'NT', especially if you're going by moral stance.

Unless you've got a few potential wives lined up already, it's probably best to start with dating and the like before moving on to thoughts about marriage. Dating allows you to find out which people specifically match you and is far more effective than asking strangers on the internet to judge for you.

I don't think being an aspie is likely to make anyone more (or less) sensible. Based on the context of the rest of his post, I'd hazard a guess that when the OP says "sensible" he actually means sensitive, since he uses that word a lot, too. I may be wrong, and maybe he's looking for a lover with common sense, but in several languages "sensible" has an entirely different meaning to the English one. It has nothing to do with common sense, and it appears that English is not his first language, so he might have got mixed up.

OP, you may wish to edit your post accordingly. "Sensible" does not mean what you think it does. Are you Spanish or Portuguese?

It belongs to one of those groups of words called "false friends." They're spelt the same, so people assume they mean the same in both languages. They don't.

I think that what you want is someone who is understanding of your sensitivity and who can support you emotionally. She doesn't have to be equally sensitive as long as she is understanding, and this can be someone who is NT or AS.

But as others have said, it's not like you can go to the wife store and pick out the one that has the ideal characteristics that you are looking for. When you meet the right person, she may not have any of the traits that you thought the ideal wife would have, but you still know instinctively that she is right for you.