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LisaP
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22 Mar 2011, 8:53 pm

My friend says he uses women and that he'd even be using a woman that he married. He fully admits it but then says "it's just the way my head works". Anybody have input on this?



Aimless
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22 Mar 2011, 9:47 pm

I can only say it's not the way my head works. I wouldn't know how and it's sleazy besides.



TTRSage
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22 Mar 2011, 10:19 pm

Aspies tend to be 500 percent genuine and sincere and generally would not even think of using people. That is purely an NT characteristic.



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22 Mar 2011, 10:19 pm

- -



Last edited by huntedman on 22 Mar 2011, 11:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Bethie
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22 Mar 2011, 10:40 pm

TTRSage wrote:
Aspies tend to be 500 percent genuine and sincere and generally would not even think of using people. That is purely an NT characteristic.


:?

Uh...no.
Douchebaggery knows no neurology.

I'm not exactly clear on this guy, though.

"It's just the way my mind works."-
Reference to his PERCEPTION of his actions
("I feel like dating or even marrying a woman means I'm using her, though I know it's just in my head"
or reference to a mental JUSTIFICATION for his actions
("Women have something I want, and my compulsion to exploit them for it is in my mind ethically justifiable, or so strong I can't seem to resist it")

?

There's a world of difference. :P


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Last edited by Bethie on 22 Mar 2011, 10:55 pm, edited 3 times in total.

Butterflies
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22 Mar 2011, 10:45 pm

TTRSage wrote:
Aspies tend to be 500 percent genuine and sincere and generally would not even think of using people. That is purely an NT characteristic.


Can promise you, that is not true :?



sgrannel
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22 Mar 2011, 11:03 pm

Well I guess she doesn't seem to mind, otherwise she would leave him, right?

How do you know she isn't using him, in a way that's so brilliant that he is made to believe he's using her even while she uses him?

Beware of cultural bias when the word "using" comes up.


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Last edited by sgrannel on 23 Mar 2011, 1:05 am, edited 1 time in total.

Snibe42
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23 Mar 2011, 12:32 am

I think I've been used a couple of times. No real complaints.



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23 Mar 2011, 12:37 am

Bethie wrote:
Douchebaggery knows no neurology.

Most that do have some personality disorder or other mental disorder. :P But the OP didn't say anything about how he manipulates women and what he gains from it.



Bethie
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23 Mar 2011, 1:34 am

dunbots wrote:
Bethie wrote:
Douchebaggery knows no neurology.

Most that do have some personality disorder or other mental disorder. :P But the OP didn't say anything about how he manipulates women and what he gains from it.


Yeah. I just don't think it's accurate to put Auties and Aspies on a pedestal.
EVERY group has it's share of as*holes. :D


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23 Mar 2011, 2:23 am

Using people is something I have never really understood, myself.

Thinking about the topic makes me realize that I really don't understand it at all.

Say you appreciate someone for an ability they have and just tolerate them and their presence to utilize this one ability they have. Is that using someone?

How is that any different than being friends with someone who at times irritates you?

I also think that all personal relationships are usage of some form or another. Even things you do for people that will never be reciprocated can be viewed from a perspective of self-interest. If I stop to help someone change a flat tire, it's not really selfless. I get the feeling of being useful and philanthropic, which is nice. But I also perform this act of kindness which has a bit of a ripple effect. Maybe they'll be more likely to help someone out in the future, and it makes a bit of a better world for all of us.

This probably has little to do with what you were intending to discuss, but that's where my head took me.



Bethie
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23 Mar 2011, 3:53 am

quietbird wrote:
Using people is something I have never really understood, myself.

Thinking about the topic makes me realize that I really don't understand it at all.

Say you appreciate someone for an ability they have and just tolerate them and their presence to utilize this one ability they have. Is that using someone?

How is that any different than being friends with someone who at times irritates you?

I also think that all personal relationships are usage of some form or another. Even things you do for people that will never be reciprocated can be viewed from a perspective of self-interest. If I stop to help someone change a flat tire, it's not really selfless. I get the feeling of being useful and philanthropic, which is nice. But I also perform this act of kindness which has a bit of a ripple effect. Maybe they'll be more likely to help someone out in the future, and it makes a bit of a better world for all of us.

This probably has little to do with what you were intending to discuss, but that's where my head took me.


That's a very good point-
I think when it's used in a negative context,
it's denoting someone who uses someone else to that person's DETRIMENT, or at least non-benefit.


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23 Mar 2011, 4:31 am

I hate that thing. Using is cruel.
Many people do that. I guess I was technically using my ex when desprately trying to revive our love. He was kinda using me, so we're equal.

TTRSage wrote:
Aspies tend to be 500 percent genuine and sincere and generally would not even think of using people. That is purely an NT characteristic.

More of an Antisocial Personality Disorder characteristic...


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23 Mar 2011, 4:51 am

Depends what he means by using. In a sense we all use each other, which is why we get rid of people who are useless to us. But if he means the manipulative, keeping-them-in-the-dark kind of using, then I'd be tempted to blow the whistle on him.

Key questions: Does he use any deception? Do the women he "uses" come to any harm?



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23 Mar 2011, 7:19 am

I give your friend some credit. He admits that he uses women. I know a couple of men who would deny that they use women. They would claim to be sincere about everything, and they are the worst users of women that I know. I would say, more than what he says about himself, I would look at how he acts. Has he been honest in his relationships? Has he done things behind his partners' backs? Has he ended relationships abruptly, because they were getting too serious or because someone better came along? I think that actions speak louder than intentions.


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LisaP
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23 Mar 2011, 7:44 am

toss this one in there...he's never had a women...only 2 drunken really sad hook ups...only one that lead to sex. Antisocial personality disorder may be it on top of undiagnosed aspie. Any APD input? This person is a living contradiction. Has an answer for everything and that answer goes against another answer and so on. Says his mind works in zig zags. Where do i find these people!! !! !? (It's another friend I've known for a few years and he's not like my 2 aspie friends. he's worse.)

he also has only situational friends and is fully open to admitting he joined a frat so he'd have friends handed to him. still, he doesn't really keep in contact with them unless they're in his face. if he doesn't see you, he doesn't contact you. he does have some obsession with a girl that rejected him. she's engaged now and he still only goes to her and a few situational current friends for their opinions.