"Using" People

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My friend says he uses women and that he'd even be using a woman that he married. He fully admits it but then says "it's just the way my head works". Anybody have input on this?

I can only say it's not the way my head works. I wouldn't know how and it's sleazy besides.

Aspies tend to be 500 percent genuine and sincere and generally would not even think of using people. That is purely an NT characteristic.

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Well I guess she doesn't seem to mind, otherwise she would leave him, right?

How do you know she isn't using him, in a way that's so brilliant that he is made to believe he's using her even while she uses him?

Beware of cultural bias when the word "using" comes up.

I think I've been used a couple of times. No real complaints.

Using people is something I have never really understood, myself.

Thinking about the topic makes me realize that I really don't understand it at all.

Say you appreciate someone for an ability they have and just tolerate them and their presence to utilize this one ability they have. Is that using someone?

How is that any different than being friends with someone who at times irritates you?

I also think that all personal relationships are usage of some form or another. Even things you do for people that will never be reciprocated can be viewed from a perspective of self-interest. If I stop to help someone change a flat tire, it's not really selfless. I get the feeling of being useful and philanthropic, which is nice. But I also perform this act of kindness which has a bit of a ripple effect. Maybe they'll be more likely to help someone out in the future, and it makes a bit of a better world for all of us.

This probably has little to do with what you were intending to discuss, but that's where my head took me.

I hate that thing. Using is cruel.
Many people do that. I guess I was technically using my ex when desprately trying to revive our love. He was kinda using me, so we're equal.

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Have DCD,ADHD, and many others (and possible AS). Husband-to-be has AS/PDD.
Name: call me Nitz.
Age: 16
Obsession: Neuro-psychology, my boyfriend, neurology (stopped denying it).
Illy, I love you.

Depends what he means by using. In a sense we all use each other, which is why we get rid of people who are useless to us. But if he means the manipulative, keeping-them-in-the-dark kind of using, then I'd be tempted to blow the whistle on him.

Key questions: Does he use any deception? Do the women he "uses" come to any harm?

I give your friend some credit. He admits that he uses women. I know a couple of men who would deny that they use women. They would claim to be sincere about everything, and they are the worst users of women that I know. I would say, more than what he says about himself, I would look at how he acts. Has he been honest in his relationships? Has he done things behind his partners' backs? Has he ended relationships abruptly, because they were getting too serious or because someone better came along? I think that actions speak louder than intentions.

toss this one in there...he's never had a women...only 2 drunken really sad hook ups...only one that lead to sex. Antisocial personality disorder may be it on top of undiagnosed aspie. Any APD input? This person is a living contradiction. Has an answer for everything and that answer goes against another answer and so on. Says his mind works in zig zags. Where do i find these people!! !! !? (It's another friend I've known for a few years and he's not like my 2 aspie friends. he's worse.)

he also has only situational friends and is fully open to admitting he joined a frat so he'd have friends handed to him. still, he doesn't really keep in contact with them unless they're in his face. if he doesn't see you, he doesn't contact you. he does have some obsession with a girl that rejected him. she's engaged now and he still only goes to her and a few situational current friends for their opinions.