Stuttering getting worse? Meltdowns etc

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Hi all, I recently had a very stressful semester that basically lead to a burnout. I was hardly functioning for a while and I had developed a few ticks.

Anyway, thats all gone, but what stayed was my intense stuttering. I used to stutter a ton as a kid and teenager, that went away around age 17 and now its back almost worse than before.

totally embarassing too bc my gf is in grad school for speech pathology (she hasnt learned enough to be able to help me) but when I stutter in front of her speech pathology friends its a 1,000 lb elephant in the room.

Is this normal for it to get worse?

Also they get worse before and after meltdowns, and i am pretty much unintelligible DURING the meltdown, thats how horrible my stuttering becomes.

Meltdowns make me wish I were never born. I feel like all I want is to be understood and heard and all that comes out is this unintelligible WRECK. I can see I am looking insane, rocking and sobbing and rubbing and yelling and yet I cant stop it.

When I first found out about my autism I was really proud and relieved. Now that I see that finding out doesnt do much to help it and I will always be like this....I use to think it was a gift, now more and more I want to return this gift. I want it gone.

I too suffered from stuttering growing up. I learned to avoid certain words I knew would lead to stuttering. Words that started with syllables where I would cut off my air supply was the worst; such as the "B" and "P". As a way to relax more, I started meditating. I set aside 15 minutes or so daily and that has helped me alot. I very rarely stutter anymore. Being the inquisitive type, I have always been fascinated about the connection between AS and stuttering. I don't know the percentages but it seems that people with AS stutter more than most.


P.S. I can't think of anything that is more humiliatng than the look you get from someone when you stutter.