Does this neighbor sound Aspie to you?

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I fear I must edit this post, it gives too much information. Thank you so much for your incredible help and insights.

Last edited by NTMama on 11 Apr 2011, 3:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.

In some respects, he sounds like me. I mean, as far as the sensory issues. Have you tried talking to his wife? Maybe she is NT also, and would be willing to problem solve with you. Are you and this guy both home owners, or do you rent?

We own our home, I have not checked to see if he owns his. I called the police and they said we have grounds to file for a restraining order or harassment. The police seemed to take it seriously, they said he is either dangerous or someone without "social boundaries."

I am willing to bet aspie.

BTW, the police also said that it was lawful to allow our dog to be "unattended" in the backyard so long as it is not chained.

It makes me sad, because I cannot tell if I am giving someone creepy the benefit of the doubt because they may have Asperger's, or whether someone with Asperger's is putting himself in a risky and difficult position.

What if he isn't aspie? What if he is a bona fide creep?

It would seem you have a ASD individual next door, how you deal with this is up to your sensibilities, even a individual with ASD knows right from wrong, he should not peer over your fence, the fact that you told him this is very good.

You need to change his behaviour, you could try to use his sensitivity as a tool to do this, i.e. put a lamp in your garden, during the day you could put a brightly coloured object in the garden and change the garden around regularly, ASD individuals hate change. When and if he asks why the lamp, then tell him directly, you first complained to me, so I moved the lamp. It will teach him his behaviour as consequences.

This bit might be hard to understand but here goes, ASD individuals view people as objects, you may be aware of this in your lovely daughter, so the puppy will be of big interest to him and not the girl playing with it, sorry about that.

Something else you might consider is that if he knows your daughter has Aspergers and he is dx'd (diagnosed) as Aspergers, he may think, how does she interact in the world and recognise the similarities in her and his behaviour towards animals. This would facinate a Aspie.

If this is the case he will not know how to open a conversation relating to ASD.

When you are comfortable with his behaviour, then open a dialogue with his wife, and get the facts on his behaviour.

I think the fact that you are willing to be tolerant to him makes you one cool individual.

But don't put up with bad behaviours from anyone, there is no point in scolding ASD individuals or praising them it means nothing, but actions and consequences in a matter of fact way will get a response from him.

Good luck, I hope this helps.

I've had neighbors like him except they had no master's degree but they were total control freaks and much worse than him, from what you describe.
As far as looking over the fence, some people think it is their right to do that. It does sound like it is sensory related and he wants some peace and quiet.
The only thing I can suggest is go inside when he's outside, and return to the backyard after he's gone. Either that or you can try being friendly and talking to him and his wife together. You can try to befriend his wife, maybe?

He does not know my daughter is aspie. My concern, of course, is that the puppy barking is pretextual, and that he is up to no good, wanting us to turn off our backyard lights and peeping over the fence so often.

I checked, and he has a normal engineering job. Not that this means he is not creepy, but it does lend support to the aspie theory.

Now -- what about this changing the back porch light? Would just putting in a funny colored bulb work?

I would prefer to never have anything to do with him ever again as long as I live.

In that case, you can just ignore him and go in the house when you see him. You might want to try getting one of those bug light bulbs that glow orange-yellow. It's not as bright and it will keeps moths and other insects away from your porch. Moths tend to lay eggs that turn into caterpillars that will eat plants you have in flower beds.
You can try solar lighting. I use those in my front yard because of moths and they provide light without attracting moths.

I think both of those statements could be true.

I have complained to neighbors before when they let their dogs run around without a leash. This sort of reminds me of that, but more extreme. If this guy is like me then he may respond to the concept of rules. Explain to him that everything you're doing is within the rules and laws that govern your community. Furthermore, find and explain to him any ways that his behavior might be violating neighborhood rules or local laws.

If this dosen't work, maybe he's not Aspie, or at least a totally different kind of Aspie than I am.

I can't stand barking dogs for more than 15 seconds. Bylaws be damned; a dog making noise at any time of the day is an annoying dog.

I hate seeing bright lights when I am trying to sleep. My neighbor leaves her light on at night and I hate it very much. I put heavy curtains over my windows because they keep me awake. I also sleep with a pillow over my head because I can hear things from really far away and I focus on them and it keeps me awake.

If you had lights that were motion-activated, they could stay out unless someone approached your home and then go out when there was no movement outside. That could provide the security feature you want but the darkness he wants.

With both of you threatening the other with law enforcement, it's unlikely that the situation will improve.

If you suspect that he has AS, he may not want to talk to you even if you want to go over to talk to him, but maybe you could talk to his wife? If his wife thinks you're nice maybe she'd tell him and you could start getting along better, and maybe it could help you understand his actions and motivations.

If you know more about each other you may get along at least well enough that you're not antagonizing toward each other.

Also, if you introduce your dog to him and he starts liking the dog that may help.

Honestly one really couldn't say based on your description. Most electrical engineers do not have AS. This guy could just be one of those self righteous neighborhood busy bodies.

It could be that your dog barks a lot when you're gone, and don't let it's size fool you, small dogs tend to bark far more than bigger dogs, and can do so quite loudly.

Where I live two of my neighbors have large breed dogs, and two have small breed dogs. I never hear the larger dogs bark but the smaller ones yap at everything, especially the chihuahuas.

If he had AS, and is an electrical engineer, here is what you can do. When you're home, count the number of times the dog barks and make a note of it. When you're gone, set up a camera and record the dog to see if it's barking when you're gone.

If you think your dog is barking a reasonable amount, confront him with the statistics.

For measure, in my experience, here is how many times a day my dogs barked.
At most, 10, five when they heard the mailman, and five if someone knocked on the door, which wasn't often. Many days they wouldn't bark at all unless told to.

I have some examples of what these neighbors who remind me a little of yours were like:
-they prowled the neighborhood at night.
-they unscrewed the light bulb in my front porch light and knock on the door so I couldn't see who was there.
If he starts doing stuff like that, you might want to call the police.

Other times, these neighbors called on the phone to tell me to leave my porch light off. When I asked why they would get angry.
While they were doing all this, they would say other people were prowling at night, not them, when I could look out the window and see them walking around at night.

So far, your neighbor doesn't sound like he has escalated to this type of behavior, so he could just have the sensory issues and that's all.

The porch light could mean he is up to something, or it could mean it is bothering him when he is trying to sleep, either way.

Thank you for all the great insight.

edited, too much personal information. I truly appreciate your opinions and I will use them. It's great to have such an excellent source of advice.

Last edited by NTMama on 11 Apr 2011, 4:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.

The neighbors I had ended up moving because I started calling the cops on them. They were getting in my backyard at night. They told another neighbor they were going to spray my ornamental plants with Round Up, The weird thing is, they put up a six foot stockade fence between our yards and then kept peering over the fence to look into my yard.
They did similar things to other neighbors over the years, pouring Round Up on their flowerbeds and motor oil on their cars.
Sometimes, the only thing you can do is either move or have the neighbors you are having problems with move. I didn't have the money to move, so it wasn't an option for me and they only left after I started calling the police.