Eye Contact

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I am just wondering, for those of you with ASD who can't make eye contact, do you know WHY you can't? I've never been able to make and keep eye contact, but I really don't have a good explanation as to why. Just curious if you even know the reason behind it or is it just one of those "just because" things?

In my case, if I do make eye contact (which I was trained to do at various points in my life), it seems to both stress me out, and sometimes even blot the world out in some weird way. (Of course I've had the same problem looking at statues with concentric circles much like eyes have.)

I just went back and grabbed this from a questionnaire I had to fill out prior to my diagnosis:

Maybe that helps some?

My husband is just very uncomfortable doing it. He is forced to when it is appropriate and he tips his head back or to the side and looks at the person that way. I didnt know anyone else ever noticed until my sister mentioned it to me. He struggles hard with eye contact.

I used to have this. I experienced it as too intense and sometimes painful.
Now I have this only when I am tired.

I've heard from other ASD's that they get information but can't do anything with it, so they look away.

I've thought about it, and still don't really understand why.

Looking at the eyes is uncomfortable, something I don't think important and can simply forget to do, and less informative for me than looking at the lips. I think it's a combination of all of these, for me.

The discomfort is on a few levels. At one level, it is conscious, anxiety over following the rules of eye contact. "Is this too much eye contact? Not enough? When am I supposed to make and break eye contact?" On another, it is unconscious, a vague discomforting sensation.

The "importance of eye contact" is something I've noticed in me too. It seems arbitrary to me, something which I have to remind myself to do. I can notice myself not making eye contact for much the same reason I may notice myself not saying "hello" to people when I enter the room: I was too distracted to recall that I was supposed to.

Finally, it helps me understand what is said when I look at the lips. The eyes don't communicate much information to me, so all else being equal I would still find myself looking at the lips while talking to someone.

I think for me it's a sensory overload issue. Plus not being good at reading people's expressions, and not knowing how long to keep eye contact without seeming creepy.

Since a few people (including me) have said it, take note of the whole "lip watching" thing. Not only does it help a lot with comprehension, it has the huge added benefit of being a sort of "pseudo" eye contact. People you're talking to don't notice that your gaze is an inch or two low; but they do notice when you're staring out the window

Thanks for the very insightful responses everyone! I used to look at people's mouths a lot, and can lip read as a result; however, lately I can't look at people period. This has been going on for awhile now. I might give them a very quick glance trying to show them that I am listening, but then I look off to the side or back down to the floor. I find it really awkward to look at people at all now...

I look at peoples noses, and that way they think I'm giving eye contact.

This is similar to my experience. I especially find that people who have power over me ie. doctor, boss or situations like interviews, I really become aware of the eye contact. As noted above, when I focus and think about it I loose my concentration on the conversation.

In general looking into someones eyes makes me very uncomfortable, it's just my natural reaction to the situation. I find when I spend long periods of time alone I become worse and can hardly look at people until I get used to being around them again.

When I look people in the eye they turn into scary monsters. Sometimes there's a bright light like the corona of the Sun around their eyes and I'm told if I look at the Sun for too long I will go blind. It's also very distracting looking at someone in the eye while talking. My thoughts go blank and I begin to stutter my words. I do much better when looking through them.