My husband and my sons story...

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(Edited at OP request)

I am 41, male and self diagnosed Aspergers last year. I got a formal dx three weeks later.

I understand. I have lived your story from your husband's side.

Aspergers is NOT a learned behavior.

I recommend you get and ALL of your family read, "The complete guide to Aspergers syndrome" by Tony Attwood. Order it today. It is worth the read with or without the diagnosis and will help if you pursue the diagnosis.

A diagnosis CAN provide your family with the ability to understand why things happen the way they do and to make accomodations you would never have thought of without the diagnosis. For me it helps create a 'Rosetta stone' to use to translate from my world to yours. It has made dealing with others much simpler for the past 8 months.

I can say that not being diagnosed in my youth made my life VERY hard. I can also say that at 41 I am self sufficient. I receive no help from work, or government and I am not on medication. I attribute my independence to my surviving a VERY hard childhood.

That which doesn't kill us makes us stronger.

Life for an undiagnosed male child with aspergers is EXTREMELY UNPLEASANT. It almost killed me MANY times. I do not trust my parents and I never will. My wife is the first and only human I have ever trusted and that came only after years of being friends (a challenge in itself). I may never bond emotionally with another human. I just don't trust them from all the bullying.

Life an an undiagnosed AS boy is Hell and will have ramifications for life. Some may be positive. Most will be excessively negative. I recommend the diagnosis so your family has the ammo to fight the bullies and to mitigate meltdowns. It is up to you and your husband to prevent your son from labeling himself and growing into a dependent adult.

Welcome to WP.

Regards

My son was officially diagnosed this fall at age 5. My husband, just about a month ago now.

I suggest you have your son diagnosed by a well-versed psychologist in your area that regularly sees Asperger's patients. Once that diagnosis is made, I suggest if you like the psychologist, your husband begins working with him/her as well.

Your husband wouldn't need an official dx...however, life could be a lot better for all of you if he learned life skills from therapy.

My husband has learned a ton is the past few months of therapy. He has stated several times that he wishes he had parents that got him assistance when he was a child.

Your son would greatly benefit from regular therapy. He would learn social skills, life skills and be able to employ tools in his daily life to help him reduce his anxiety load.

You'd all benefit from learning about transitions, preparation time, how to set proper expectations and more. Yes, dx is worth going through the stress as the NT mom, and getting "the label".

Another vote here in favour of a diagnosis. I was lucky to be diagnosed when I was about 10. On the back of that I went to a special needs school and the speech and language therapists there excellent. Today I have few problems socialising and making friends. I can assure you that when I was at primary school I had about 3 friends and everyone else in the school couldn't understand me and rejected me. It was VERY frustrating being disliked for no apparent reason, and living in a world where people said and did certain things which didn't make sense. Worse, when I said and did things which DID make sense and everyone else couldn't understand or didn't like it.

Get that diagnosis. It will enable you to get help for your son and husband. You'll have to accept that they'll never be normal, but if they can get help then it will go a long way to enabling them to bridge the gap and function in society. Good luck!

I'm also in favour of a diagnosis.