I just don't "get it".

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How do you explain to someone that you care about that you just don't "get it?"

How do you explain that being subtle just doesn't work? How do you explain needing to get away from a stressful situation and that having a breakdown in the middle of one is just going to make it much worse? How do you explain that walking away from someone when you're upset is not because you're disrespectful, it's because you NEED to?

I just don't know how to explain it, and it's very upsetting to me. For the first time in my life I am extremely close with somebody. I do my best to tell them everything, but I just don't know how to anymore. We've been arguing more lately because he says I read into what he says too much. I don't try to.. it's just because I literally do NOT understand what he is trying to say. It's like he's speaking a foreign language half the time. I've never had this much trouble with this before, or maybe I just didn't notice it until now. I feel like all I say to him is "What are you trying to say?" "What do you mean by that?" "I don't understand". He doesn't understand that it's not just that I'm being like this lately, it's just how I've always been and I've finally gotten comfortable enough to be myself with him.

Last night he saw me have a mini meltdown. It's really one of the first times anyone has ever seen me that bad. I tend to melt down by myself. I don't get really bad until I am alone, and the melt downs often occur in my head. Would I love to throw things, break everything and just throw myself around sometimes? Yes, but my anxiety over the embarrassment has kept me from doing that all my life. Is anyone else like that?

I told him in the beginning people find it difficult to be with me. I don't think he completely understood it at the time. He's not going anywhere, and I'm not going anywhere, but how can I explain it better to him?