After I told her I had aspergers, she treated me different

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I'm really upset and disgusted about a situation. I've known a woman for a few years now, and she always seemed to enjoy my quirks (unlike most people) and my unique personality. She'd laugh at how monotone I was and really seemed to enjoy my company.

Well last year I told her I had aspergers. I didnt think it would matter to her and I felt comfortable telling her. I guess that was a big mistake because from the moment I told her, it seemed a light switch was flicked and all of a sudden she started acting very "weird" around me. Like every time I saw her, she'd act awkwardd, and want to "get away" from me.

It's really upsetting to me how ignorant people can be, even seemingly good people. What changed about me? NOTHING! Yet she acted as if I had a contagious illness after I told her about my MILDLY different way of thinking.

I also found she became EXTREMELY patronizing afterwards. "Thats good...you did real good" that sort of thing, as if she somehow thought she was more intelligent than me all of a sudden, you know? I felt like slapping her.

Totally different person now. In a way thoguh, I dont regret saying anything. I found out what a fake, ignorant person she really was all along. Any thoughts on this?

It does seem worse when the person is a "good" person... and even WORSE when the person is ACTUALLY a good person... or so you thought. If it's a person who expects you to trust them or whom others expect you to trust, it's also bad.

New information can change how we percieve and interact with the world.

How about you express to her that having Asperger's doesn't mean she has to treat you in ways you don't like? How about telling her how you would like to be treated? She's maybe taken a guess and got it wrong, and that's not her fault, mainstream ideas about autism can be wacky, bizarre or just wrong at best.

She might be surprised, or she might have preconceived notions about autism, or it might be in your head

You should tell her this however, and she deserves a slap on the wrist for such behavior.

Maybe she was " into" you and was flirting with you, except due to having aspergers you couldn't pick up on the innuendos? When you revealed you had autism, it might have sent a warning light in her mind thinking that perhaps your issues were not something she would want to deal with. Perhaps she saw your quirks as something silly and not something pervasive, but when you revealed what you had, it made her think that it is something serious. I am just giving you my pov on the situation..but don't be quick to judge yourself as the culprit for why the relationship ( as in friends) dissolved. It could be her " s**t".

Being upset isn't going to help anything. If you don't like the patronizing attitude tell her. I'd be tempted to return the favor and take a superior patronizing attitude with her, but it would more helpful to just explain what you just did hear. Maybe you should even print this thread out and show her.

Just so very sorry. Please know you did absolutely nothing wrong - in fact, the contrary - you did everything right. No wonder you're hurt.

You know, about a year ago I *might* have posted something to the effect of: Maybe you can teach her! Or, maybe she'll learn and change her mind....

Now, I do know better. Move on as if she never existed. You cannot fix or change her built-in stigma and attempts at trying would exhaust you and likely be an exercise in futility.

The fact of the matter is that certain individuals, no matter how "great" they are, just cannot begin to accept AS. At all. I learned that lesson the hard way. I'd be hurt/upset if I were you too (and I've had similar happen to me).

For some, the unknown is far too much for them to handle. So they just don't. That's their deficiet and not yours. Patronizing behaviour is never acceptable and I've taken a load of it myself. Generally if someone is engaging in that sort of depricating manner then they are showing their own ignorance. You deserve better.

Autism is just beyond some individual's realm and their ignorance, over time, can become hostile.

poor guy, i feel with you. Its not easy decide how to judge here, because she got some wrong "scientific" infomation ("lack of empathy" = anti-social) from others, is it really completely her fault?

maybe not, but what we do? react emotionally and blame it all to her? Very tough question, and what can we do about it? The best thing would probably be to "keep cool", and make jokes about her behavior change, but often it is the case that we feel intensively for the other person, and then its not that easily possible .... mmm tough!

thanks for reading,
anton

Communication is key. Tell her how you feel. If she doesn't want to hear it, she's not worth having as a friend.

That sucks. Maybe she has heard bad things about AS or has had a bad experience with it so she made those false assumptions about you when you told her but she has known you for a few years so she should know better.

Have you tried talking to her about it?