One reason I wish I didn't have autism

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Around 10-11 years ago, I was alone upstairs in the house. My grandma was alone downstairs. I was having fun reading my favorite local basketball magazine when I heard a weird shriek downstairs. I quickly ran down the stairs to check what was going on. I saw my grandma on the floor with a man behind her trying to choke her (I found that out later on since I could only see his back so I didn't see what he was doing exactly). At that moment, I didn't think he was hurting her because it looked more to me like he was helping her off the floor. When I went around them to the opposite side so that they were now facing me, the man saw me and "assured" me he was helping her up from the floor, and my grandma was yelling that he was trying to kill her. And while she was explaining to me all that, he had already disappeared. And I didn't do anything (but he eventually got caught by the local "police" later on). I just stood there for a couple minutes before she told me to go call the doctor for her.

The good news may be that she survived that day and I learned a very important lesson that would help me become a stronger and more aware and less naive person, but the bad news is I was mistreated by the extended family for my poor handling of the situation and it became one of the unpleasant memories of mine that make me wish I didn't have autism at all. I try my best not to think too much about that moment, but there are people who just like to remind you of it.

If I were an NT kid instead, I probably would've kicked his ass on the spot as he was just a wimp.

You were too young to have physically confronted the assailant. Attacking him would have probably been the last thing your grandmother would have wanted you to do in that situation because it would've put you in immediate danger. Your presence did well enough to frighten him off so well done for coming to check on her when she screamed. It would have helped if you had been quicker to the phone to call the doctor and police; but, even NT kids that age can make those mistakes. You were a child.

I know a grown neuro-typical man who was in college to be an athletic trainer. He had CPR and First Aid training. Down the block from his apartment, a driver spun out of control into a light pole and needed medical attention. This man couldn't do it. He just froze in a crowd of people where many were asking and yelling out for someone who knew how to help. When the firefighters arrived, they could not revive him. The minutes that passed in front of this man could have saved the driver's life. This man told me this information in confidence because he was ashamed, knowing that I come from a family full of emergency responders who never hesitate to jump in to help someone in need, so I hid my honest reaction. I didn't even go into the number of people I have resuscitated because I was on scene before the paramedics. If he was 11 years old, this would not have been an issue for me, just the same as your story is not an issue for me.

Your family was unusually hard on you, and probably just from their own fear and lack of control over the frightening thing that happened to your grandmother. They had no other outlet for their feelings so they turned into anger on you. That was wrong of them. They should have acknowledged that you were in just as much fear as your grandmother and had even less understanding of how or why such a thing would happen.

My husband was a firefighter for 15 years. I was raised in a family of firefighters, police officers and lumberjacks. My kids know First Aid and CPR, even the five year old. We drill for emergency situations so we know the kids will respond appropriately in an emergency without us instructing them if one were to occur. We talk about situations, let the kids ask questions, and then randomly quiz them. Even with all this, I still wouldn't expect them to react with exact precision during an actual emergency. I still would understand if they forgot or froze. Assuming you never even received this kind of training from your parents, how in the world could you be expected to respond like a trained adult?

Thanks for the replies and support, guys. This is the first time I actually let this out which makes me feel better.

Jeremy, to be clear, the relatives no longer give me trouble for it, but they still mention it once in a while in front of me just for a fleeting second or two and that's what bothers me. It's only for a couple of seconds so I don't challenge them for it, but maybe I should.

And Wefunction, you seem like a very good parent to your children, so props to you. But I think you misread my post. I was not 11 years old. I was 17. In our Lebanese culture, once a guy passes the age of 15, he becomes a man and is expected to act like a man. And it's this mentality that's been a big hindrance for someone slow like me. I've often been disappointing to those who know me back in Lebanon. And as for that man you mentioned, it must be horrible what he's going through. I'm glad I didn't get to go through what he's going through.

League_Girl, he was a neighbor. I knew the guy. That's how the "police" (not sure of the term) knew which guy to catch. And no, I don't know why he attacked her but it looked like it was something very personal between him and her. Did he have any weapon on him? I didn't notice any. As I said before, he was really a wimp. I could have easily smashed his face to pieces if I had caught on as quickly as I should have done.

Anyway, thanks again for the replies. I feel better now. Appreciated.