Could the answer be Asperger's?

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I've always been a little different. I remember as a child my Mother talking to someone about a teacher asking her if I was "special". I was always good in school, but I was easily distracted. I also had anxiety, mood swings and other symptoms that have been extremely debilitating. I've been diagnosed with a ton of things and seen lots of doctor's over the years including a BSU stay in 2009. I am wondering if instead of a bunch of diagnoses, it can be explained with just one. Let's see if I can remember everything, shall we?

Sensory issues-I've never liked being touched. I don't like people close to my face, and stand as far away as possible when communicating with people. My "hand issues", which is what I've always caused them, have always caused me a lot of anxiety. I keep lotion with me every where. My hands are the worst after they get wet. As a child I spit on my hands, which is gross, but, I did. I can't describe the feeling, but it just feels wrong. Touching anything with a texture after my hands get wet is awful, such as touching a napkin, or paper. It makes me feel sick. It also disturbs me to see/hear people rubbing their hands together. I used to lay awake at night thinking about my feet rubbing together. I never realized that was abnormal till I was older and it began to disrupt my life.
I also have sensory issues with eating. I often gag while I eat if food is not the right texture. Fat on meat, especially mushy and odd textured foods and over cooked pasta are examples of that.
Noises are another that thing have always bothered me. As a child I was terrified of fireworks. I would sit in the car with ear plugs and my "binky"(my blanket) over my head. "Constant" noises cause me to become very angry. Although I love the sound of fans and can't sleep without one, any noise that is repetitive upsets me, such as someone rocking in a chair or a ticking clock. I've always always gotten angry with people for singing in the car, if that has anything to do with anything.

Anxiety- My anxiety is very severe. I do not leave the house alone. I can only think of less than 3 times I have within the last year and I was going directly to someone's house that I was comfortable at. I rarely make phone calls and I only can talk to specific people on the phone for any length of time. My capabilities worker texts me and emails me and anyone that knows me knows this is how to contact me. I can't call doctor's offices. I don't even like calling or talking to friends on the phone. The only situations I seem to be able to "deal with"(but still freak out over) are when I am calling a company with mostly automated responses. I don't pay at stores, I don't go into stores alone. It's very frustrating because I dislike depending on people but unfortunately I have been stuck doing it for a very long time.

I DO have my GED and a part time job, but I NEVER would've gotten them without my capabilities worker. Paperwork makes me cry for some reason, and she pretty much has to do everything for me or I get very upset. She takes me places, and went to my interview with me as well as my first day. She has employer contact also. The last time I had a full time job I ended up in the BSU for 11 days, and had many panic attacks before that occurred.

Compulsive- I'm extremely compulsive. I get stuck on things and obsess over them. I compulsively research constantly and like to learn everything I can about something. This frustrates people, especially my Mother and people who have to listen to me going on and on about something. I like to make lists, both mentally and physically. It helps me concentrate on things. I use Notepad on my computer quite frequently. I have racing thoughts, and often can't sleep because of them. Certain sounds and phrases seem to "echo" in my mind, such as doors squeaking.

Mood swings- I have extreme mood swings. I can be pushed over the edge VERY easily and people notice this very well even when I think I have great self control. I have been told I use the wrong tone of voice and this bothers my Mother extremely because she thinks I am mean to her. I don't mean to be. I just don't realize it. I also have attacks where I want to throw things, and break things. I didn't realize how bad they were until I came off a medication recently due to insurance issues. I recently had a breakdown where I just literally sat there and screamed a bad word and threw the tissue I had in my hand. My Mom, fortunately, works with severely mentally disturbed children so she knew to stay calm and I came out of it. That is the first time I've ever had anything like that happen around anyone although it's not a rare thing when I am alone that I break down.

I take things literally and have poor eye contact. I have a different sense of humor but DO understand jokes and have been told that although my sense of humor is strange, I am funny, but when I am upset I'm constantly told I take things extremely literally. I also hear "look at me" the most when I am upset. I never noticed I had eye contact problems until later in life, mostly because I don't like to stand near people when I talk and I make very limited contact with anyone I HAVE to make eye contact with, although I did notice as a child I had a hard time looking anywhere near anyone I was upset with. It made me feel wrong. My parents and family don't care if I look at them when I talk and neither do the couple friends I have. My capabilities report says a ton of things, such as that I am fidgety, have poor eye contact and get agitated easily. All things which I don't seem to notice about myself. I have trouble making friends and the 2 friends that I have, I've had for years. I consider myself VERY socially awkward and would much rather communicate online and through text than in person. I struggle a LOT with explaining how I am feelings, mostly because I often don't KNOW what I am feeling. I also think I stutter and trip over my words a lot. People don't GENERALLY point it out unless they're a close friend and we're having a laugh about something silly I said.

I always thought I read people extremely well when I was younger. I was very, very wrong. I've realized this lately.

I like to rock. I'm not sure if I've done it my whole life, I don't think so, but I really dislike sitting still. I've been told I have ADD but as my compulsive research shows I can have extreme focus on things I am interested in and can be very efficient at doing things as long as I want to. I've always enjoyed writing and when I was younger I would often write articles just because I felt the need to. I've also always loved music, poetry, reading, and arts.

I'm sure I'm forgetting things but I better stop before this becomes too long!

Because I compulsively research, I stumbled upon a test. It was very long-150 questions. I don't generally rely on that sort of information so I had my Mother and 2 close people take it also. They scored very normally, even though my Mother and one of them both have anxiety.

This was my score;

Your Aspie score: 164 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 38 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie

It also came with a chart, but I can't link it here. I am almost complete on the Aspie side.

As my Mother was taking the test she said she read a lot of things she KNEW I'd answer yes to and wasn't surprised at my results(but told me not to obsess over them. She knows me too well). She knew what my result would be before I even shower her.

Very soon I will be getting a new psychiatrist and what not through Family Services and I am wondering if I should bring this up. I've never had anyone bring it up otherwise, although I always have felt I seem to end up with not so good doctor's and my ability to vocally explain things is limited, especially with people I'm not comfortable with.

So, I apologize for this being so long, but I am just looking for opinions and would appreciate any information.

well just reading half of it told me you probably have ADHD, OCD, and probably aspergers
so pretty much your special just like ralph wiggum [only better] [<simpsons joke not serious]

Last edited by Dgosling on 05 Apr 2011, 3:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Thanks for the reply, Dgosling. Yes, they've mentioned ADD and OCD because of my hand issues, although I don't usually mention that to doctor's because I don't know how to explain it.

I have no idea how to bring this up with my new psychiatrist. I am very paranoid.

well tell the psychiatrist you think you might have those and she will probably do some tests and see if you do anyway school is almost over for today so i can go home and continue posting in this thread :3

Yay for school almost being over! I'm glad I'm not in school anymore, most of my friends are since I am only 19, although I work with children. I've noticed that most of them are smarter and easier to deal with than the adults, although once they get past a certain age I'm no longer comfortable with them. I tend to stick with children of 3-5 years.

Asperger's could be the answer.

Thank you for the reply. I'm not asking to have Asperger's, but it would be nice to have ONE diagnoses, or a couple, rather than everything I am working with right now. Unfortunately I also have physical issues, so my medical history is a mess.

How do I bring this up with a psychiatrist? I suppose they won't think I am a "drug seeker" since Asperger's isn't commonly treated with drugs, and I've already been on a large number of prescription medication due to my anxiety and mood issues. I just don't know how to say it. I had an intake with Family Services today and spent the past few days researching and thinking of things to say. I spent the whole time nodding. My mother talked more than I did and she forced me into signing up for groups even though she said there was "no pressure to actually go". I still didn't like being put on the spot, and nearly cried in the parking lot due to that(and my Mother getting upset with me for using the wrong tone with her)

yeah, I'm thinking Asperger's as well.

You could just print out your first post and show it to your new psychiatrist.
You're gonna have to assert yourself, just think calming thoughts. You can do it

Tehsbe-Thank you for your kind words.

I actually thought about that. I feel so much more confident with text rather than talking. I have more time to think about what I am going to say. I just don't want to seem.. I don't know.. pushy? Again, I am extremely paranoid and recently had a bad experience with a rheumatologist who upset me VERY much so that does NOT help.

I didn't want it to be Asperger's, but it was certainly a relief to know WHAT it was that made me feel so disconnected from people and made the world seem so foreign.

After I discovered I was an Aspergian, I worried less about what other people thought of me. I censored myself less, because I knew for the first time what I was and felt that it was all right to behave the way that was natural for me. Now, instead of trying fruitlessly to fit in with everyone else, I can just be me and if the NTs don't like it, then that's fine; I am already used to not being liked!

Last edited by dyingofpoetry on 05 Apr 2011, 4:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I definitely don't WANT it to be Asperger's. Actually I'd prefer it was absolutely nothing! It would be nice to be without all of my physical/mental hang ups. I am so very sick of hearing "but you're so young! You shouldn't have these issues!"

That is why I came to you, Mr. *very naughty word* doctor. If I thought it was NORMAL to be like this, I don't think I'd spend half my life in here.

At this point I've seen so many doctor's, I just want answers. For once I would like someone to listen to me, although it wouldn't help much since I can't explain it well anyway. At times I wish people could read my mind and wonder why they CAN'T see all these things, although I think if people could read my mind they'd run away!

Sounds like it could be......I have a lot of simularities to that. I mean I hate using the phone...I do if I have to but I hate it and would rather not also I don't like answering the phone unless i know who's calling so yeah I have a lot of anxiety about anything involving the phone. paper work does not quite make me cry but I've come close because of how frusterating it is so I can certainly relate to that. I also have a lot of those sensorary issues you described I can't eat mashed potatoes because of the texture same with some other foods. loud noise tends to bother me unless its loud music that I enjoy then its ok. and I have extreme light sensativity. just to name a few things

but it sounds like you might have other problems as well. I can't diagnose though.

I can't say I have an EXTREME sensitivity to light, but there is some sensitivity there.

As soon as my phone rings I go into a panic. I can never decide what is worse- answering and seeing who it is, or waiting for it to go to voice mail and having to call them back

A lot of what you've said it pretty typical of autism spectrum disorders, and that paperwork thing is something i have aswell; I can't cope at all with that sort of thing

You could probably get a diagnosis if all you've said it true (and I don't think you're lying) and theres nothing else that could explain some of it (schizophrenia excludes a diagnosis of autism in most cases I think), you should carefully consider how a diagnosis would benefit you compared to what your current ones do to help, if a diagnosis wont benefit you in any way then it shouldn't be had, but experiance suggests a diagnosis is usually a positive step towards more appropriate therapy and assistance.

phonic

I hate talking on the phone so much I don't really even like talking to my brother or sister over the phone...and I am close to them. That's why I got a cell phone with a keypad for texting. but yeah my issues with talking on the phone make things like calling about apartments for rent, calling the college, or other important calls hard. but if I take some time to prepare myself I can usually manage.

Yes, I text ALL the time. I love my BlackBerry

I don't even like talking to my own Mother on the phone. My close family knows not to call me unless absolutely necessary.