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anonymoussun
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31 Mar 2011, 7:11 pm

Anyone here with aspergers who don't have a social life?If so is the reason being fear?

If a someone forced you to have a social life would you feel afraid and anxiety?

What keeps you from having a social life?

Since there have been times in the past that I really wanted to have a social life, i.e going to dances, prom, gatherings etc...Ever since graduating from high school starting to obsessively worry about other things(due to OCD), it has taken my focus out of socializing more.



Surfman
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31 Mar 2011, 7:20 pm

Fear of being bullied??



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31 Mar 2011, 7:22 pm

I am married and have two sons. I also live close to my parents. That is essentially my social life---my immediate family. I speak to my neighbors probably once a month at the most. I am an educator, so I communicate effectively with my students (gifted students), but that is my profession. As far as friends in the typical sense---I don't have any. In school I had a best friend---we were like brothers.

The reason I don't socialize is because I am not interested in it. It is not fear. But being in social situations can wear me out and cause me anxiety---it can be too overwhelming. Socializing to me is quite awkward feeling. I feel like I am in a glass enclosed room looking into the social situation---I am never quite a part of it. My special intense interests keep me entertained. Socializing can get in the way of these special intense interests.

If forced to have a social life, I would say it would cause me anxiety.

What keeps me from a social life is the awkwardness, and my preference to not socialize. I am absorbed more into my special intense interests than socializing.

Social situations (dances, parties, etc.) just don't feel right. I feel like a barrier keeps me from engaging in the socializing. And I don't want to socialize because it is not an interest of mine at this time in my life.


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31 Mar 2011, 7:25 pm

The small social life I have is due to the pure luck of having a couple genuinely nice friends from high school who recently recontacted me and are inviting me here and there to do social stuff. Before that (for 4 years), my social life consisted of about 2 social outings a year that did not involve family members. Pretty sad, huh!

Oops, I was so busy wallowing in my own misery that I forgot to answer the question. I don't have a social life because I find it really hard to act like myself around people. I don't trust that they'll understand me. Instead I put on a "normal person" front that is impossibly exhausting to maintain. Eventually I either have to withdraw from complete breakdown or they get tired of the cardboard genericness that is my fake persona.



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31 Mar 2011, 7:33 pm

I don't have much of a social life because I'm much more interested in other things. It's not that I hate people, I just get bored in social situations.



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31 Mar 2011, 7:49 pm

I want to socialize, but I haven't anyone to socialize with.



MichaelDWhite
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31 Mar 2011, 8:13 pm

I don't socialize just for the sake of socializing, but I do seek out places where I can meet people with similar interests and experiences and talk about those. It's pretty hard to find places like that so my "social life" is limited, but for some reason I never stop trying.



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31 Mar 2011, 8:35 pm

For me it's because there's a discrepancy between my own idea of a good time, and what an NT would consider fun. I'm happy with sitting in my room reading or doing a cube. Normal people would rather be out with their friends. When I decide to be social, I can go to a bike race. At least everyone there has a common interest, so it's an ideal environment for a bike-obsessed aspie. Then after the race, they can all go off to party and have fun, but I'm content with my alone time.


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anonymoussun
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31 Mar 2011, 8:38 pm

One of the reasons why I don't socialize is because I don't have much social skills and I don't want to be looked awkward for having less social skills.Also I fear that I would say something wrong.I have OCD and I went to a group therapy the last time being almost 6 years ago all being us teens having OCD.My psychologist who specializes OCD taught us social skills both times when I went to group therapy the first time being in 2002.

I don't know why I picked up interest of being more with people when I was in my teens maybe being because I saw good looking girls that I wanted to be around with.I always wanted to sit with a group of people in school lunch. I remember when there was no one to sit with that I didn't want to be seen sitting myself so I would just stand in the hall wait until lunchtime was over.



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31 Mar 2011, 9:09 pm

For me it's traditionally been fear, worry, and anxiety. It hasn't been such an issue lately though.
I've started talking to people at school more. I have a few friends. I'd call that a social life.


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31 Mar 2011, 9:15 pm

People just aren't all that interesting to me. Too much socialising makes me overwhelmed to the point of hurting myself; I don't see why I should have to put up with that for the sake of something that is mostly boring.


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31 Mar 2011, 9:50 pm

I socialize when I have a reason to socialize. When I don't have a reason I just don't socialize. It's not about anxiety or fear.

It's like, I think, many people seem to have this need to associate with other people, form connections, be around them, and so on. I am not sure if this is true but I have seen a lot of people behave as if it is. This makes little sense to me. Why would I want to interact with someone if there is no purpose for the interaction? I try to keep in touch with people, but it is so very easy for me to forget to keep up with some because I don't have any immediate reason to talk to them. I know, intellectually, that I probably should, but there's nothing in my brain that makes me think of it unless something comes up.

That said, I do manage to sustain interaction with people I like just for the sake of keeping in touch, but it's not an instinctive thing.



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31 Mar 2011, 11:20 pm

The reason isn't fear for me. I have a lot of overload problems, and socializing is one of the easiest ways to do it.


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31 Mar 2011, 11:25 pm

The reason isn't fear. If you want to know the reason, you'd have to ask the other people. The people who avoid like I am contagious when I try to socialize.



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31 Mar 2011, 11:53 pm

i am lousy at socializing because i seem to lack the "right stuff" which would enable the facile acquisition/comprehension, and fluent application of social rules.



ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
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01 Apr 2011, 12:00 am

anonymoussun wrote:
Anyone here with aspergers who don't have a social life?If so is the reason being fear?

If a someone forced you to have a social life would you feel afraid and anxiety?

What keeps you from having a social life?

Since there have been times in the past that I really wanted to have a social life, i.e going to dances, prom, gatherings etc...Ever since graduating from high school starting to obsessively worry about other things(due to OCD), it has taken my focus out of socializing more.

What keeps me from having a social life? Lack of will, motivation, desire, number one. Not wanting to take the risk getting close to new people, number two. Not being the type of person people want to be around number three. So, it works against me on all fronts. I was put here on this earth to not be social :/



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