I can't handle some people of my own kind sometimes(aspies)
Oddly enough I get along better with NT's, but I get along fine with most people autism or aspergers. Lately though there has been one boy with aspergers that I cannot get along with. It got to a point that I had to bring my teachers into it to tell him to leave me alone because I couldn't cope with his behavior anymore. He had spent the best part of 3 months literally stalking me. He would follow me everywhere, especially if I was by myself. He's try to sit next to me in class. He would try to touch me and make sexual references to me like how he goes crazy when my hentai eyes look at him. He would also talk about how suicidal he is and the medication he takes. Basically the lad had no social filter at all and he would always say the pain it was to have aspergers to get sympathy out of me(I never told him I had aspergers though) I ignored it seeing because he was an aspie and he couldn't really help it. Well that what my NT friends told me to do because they usually see people with aspergers and autism not being able to help it. I have aspergers and I thought myself what was socially acceptable and what wasn't so my patience was wearing thin on him. Eventually it was getting to a point where it was involving my friends(especially the male ones). He would tell me they had girlfriends out of nowhere or that they did certain bad things to girls. He also warned some of my male friends to stay away from me. It got to a point were I was having coffee with a male friend in the cafe and he walked by, gave the lad a dirty look and then punched a bus stop sign. I was literally terrified at this point. So I told some of the teachers and they informed the principal and the principal had a word with him. Later he was so angry about it that he practically ripped apart a class.
He still talks to me but my friends try to keep me away from him.
I know people with aspergers have problems with social situations. I know I have aspergers and it happens to me alot, but aspergers and autism can't be made an excuse for everything you do, the has to be a line.
Sorry for this long rant. I just want to know if any of you guys have experienced similar situations
Yes I've seen this kind of behaviour myself.
There are plenty of aspies out there who are their own worst enemy in some respects though they have such little insight into themselves and how they are coming across to others that they would probably percieve (this chap included) that they were doing nothing wrong and then begins the persecution/victimisation complex.
Perhaps in retrospect you may have been better off along with your friends to have been clear, direct and blunt in the boundaries and also to tell him why what he was doing was counter-productive. At some point someone has had to take the time out to explain to most of us at some point in our life or we have had to make serious blunders and learn lessons we now take for granted the hard way around our social interactions.
In fairness this sort of behaviour you have experianced is a good example of why a lot of aspies are excluded from asperger groups. Because the behaviour of others spills over and impacts on others too readily.
If you are reasonably adjusted to the mainstream world, have a normal/high IQ your quite marginalised compared to those with more profound and easily identified issues. But on the otherhand you have the greater capability to help yourself.
_________________
"Tall people can be recognized by three things: generosity in the design, humanity in the execution and moderation in success"
I agree with you, OP. You can't blame *all* of his behavior on AS. You can blame his lack of social filter, his over-persistence, even his obsession on it, but not what he does about it. There does have to be a line. Most of us here have social problems, but wouldn't do violent things like ripping up a classroom or punching a sign. That's over the top. I'd avoid him whenever possible if I were you, and enlist the help of teachers and the principal if necessary.
Just my 2 cents,
~Kate
_________________
Ce e amorul? E un lung
Prilej pentru durere,
Caci mii de lacrimi nu-i ajung
Si tot mai multe cere.
--Mihai Eminescu
I'm glad you were as kind as you were as long as you were. I can't help wondering if anything would have been different if someone sat down with him and explained it in black and white...
This isn't acceptable because...
He definitely sounds as if he needs some intensive social skills training.
I hope you do not let this experience color your perceptions of other Aspies you may meet. Just from reading experiences here, the whole 'young adult horomone' thing sounds particularly evil to Aspie guys.
I had an experience like yours but the guy was NT and frustrated by my lack of acknowledgement (I didn't even realize he was making passes for months... everyone else said it was obvious). The whole getting together/dating thing is fairly insidious no matter who you are, I think.
There are plenty of aspies out there who are their own worst enemy in some respects though they have such little insight into themselves and how they are coming across to others that they would probably percieve (this chap included) that they were doing nothing wrong and then begins the persecution/victimisation complex.
Perhaps in retrospect you may have been better off along with your friends to have been clear, direct and blunt in the boundaries and also to tell him why what he was doing was counter-productive. At some point someone has had to take the time out to explain to most of us at some point in our life or we have had to make serious blunders and learn lessons we now take for granted the hard way around our social interactions.
In fairness this sort of behaviour you have experianced is a good example of why a lot of aspies are excluded from asperger groups. Because the behaviour of others spills over and impacts on others too readily.
If you are reasonably adjusted to the mainstream world, have a normal/high IQ your quite marginalised compared to those with more profound and easily identified issues. But on the otherhand you have the greater capability to help yourself.
Don't worry I am being more blunt with him now, because he is still trying to be in my group of friends. I think though half the problem is he chooses not to learn from his mistakes or go out there and get involved in a hobby which could help with his social problems(thats what I did). He spends all day online when not in school. He sees himself as the victim and when we tell him thats not an appropriate thing to say or do he laughs it off or get upset over it. For a long time I wouldn't say anything to him because I was afraid he would do something to himself, because he did talk about suicide allot.
CockneyRebel
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Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Age: 50
Gender: Male
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Location: In my little Olympic World of peace and love
He may have a personality disorder in addition to asperger's. Threatening suicide in an attempt to manipulate somebody is Borderline Personality type behavior. He's probably unaware though, due to Asperger's, that behavior makes his character seem all the more ugly, people are not attracted to neediness.
The good news is people who threaten suicide like he do almost never are serious, and if he were to kill himself it would not be due to you setting boundaries and spurning his attempts at being posessive of you.
aspie48
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Joined: 19 Mar 2011
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,291
Location: up s**t creek with a fan as a paddle
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