Confused and need help

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So sorry for this long rant. Not sure where I belongs, or if it will make much sense as I am about to dye of a heat stroke and its making me angry and I cant think straight. But here it is.

So lately I am just really confused. I when to a psychologist, got tested for Aspergers, he says its not a match. I fit many things, but he says I really have OCD and ADHD and social phobia. But this just does not feel right. I feel he just misunderstood many things. And from reading around this forum, there are so many things I read that other with Aspergers do I just feel I am listening to myself. I am good with writing, and can get my point across (when there is not 37 degree heat in my room), but cant communicate things well when I speak. I always say exactly when I don't want to, or the complete opposite of what I am saying, or just random things that are not related. Although this could be anxiety related (I am the most anxious person you will ever meet) Also I do the hand flapping thing when Im anxious, excited, etc. I try and hide it because people say I look ret*d, so I mainly bite my thumb all the time or hold things like my bag, belt, etc. Also my foot never stops moving, and I am always counting up to 10, and then back down, and so forth. But he thinks this is just OCD related, and anxiety again. And then when I go through Aspergers books, I feel I meet everything they say, but just to a lesser extent, or in a not to obvious way. And then there a million other things I cant think of now because its to hot. But anyways I do not know why I posting this, I guess Im just tired and annoyed, and feel misunderstood and like this is never ending. Everything I do in life is just too painful. I feel like I am always fighting everyone, and myself, trying to do things I do not want to for the sake of feeling normal, when I know I just not. Im not sure if Im just depressed, tired, OCD, aspie, social ret*d, or just too anxious. Or just a hypochondriac that wants attention. I honestly do not know anymore. I have a terrible tendency to over analyze and over think things, and this mental confusion is slowly killing me. =) It getting in the way of my doing things, I just finished college and am having a terribly hard time doing things. My whole life I have just been doing the same thing, and now the idea of something different, new, and unfamiliar is driving me insane.
What should I do? I am not sure I want to go back to therapy, it just feels uncomfortable, weird, awkward. Talk to someone? I honestly have no friends anymore, alienated everyone, and do not feel comfortable discussing this with my family. (Another reason I cant go to therapy, no money, financially dependent on parents)
I feel I need some clarity. Ideas?

Some people will tell you that you need a professional diagnosis, and for some things, they're certainly right. You won't get accommodations, for example, at school or work, without one. For clarity? You don't need a professional diagnosis, you just need to understand yourself. And, after reading all the threads on here by people whose therapist was plainly an idiot (at least yours didn't tell you that you didn't have AS because "you don't act like Rain Man", as one poster's did...) I would say you're better off avoiding them unless you need one.

I have no formal diagnois, and I only came to an understanding of who and what I am last fall. In case it will help you achieve clarity, I'll explain what I did. I found myself in place where I was wondering if AS might explain a number of things about myself. So I looked up the diagnostic criteria, pasted those into a text editor, then sat down and wrote my own thoughts about how well I matched or did not match those criteria, taking as much space as I needed to explore that point. I included things that I've been repeatedly told by others, even if I disagreed with them myself - since, after all, a regular diagnosis is based upon observation, and you may appear different to an outside observer than you know yourself to be.

When I was done, I read over the result. I was blown away by this, because I seemed to be a much more obvious match than I'd ever thought until I put all the pieces together. This was enough to cause me to decide that, whatever anyone else may think or not think, I have AS.

Now, before anyone else starts yelling at me and telling me I can't diagnose myself, I agree, I can't - formally. But I do know my own mind and thoughts and past better than anyone else, so surely my conclusion is worth something, at least in terms of allowing me to understand myself. And... I've had several incidents that tended to confirm my "diagnosis" since then. The first was when I decided to learn more, spent some time on here - and discovered posts by others describing personal quirks that I had always assumed were completely unique to me and were not among the formal diagnostic criteria. These were quirks that caused the few people I admitted them to to label me an "alien". The second was when the eye condition I was born with was finally successfully diagnosed - formally - after fifty one years. (Long story.) The eye doctor who did so apologised for the bright lights used in the process, as I am officially highly light sensitive. This was not news to me in one sense - but it did cause me to pause in surprise that this issue, lost in the muddle of so many others, some much worse, was one I had official validation for. So it would seem I really do have some pretty active sensory issues, if the medically validated one was that well hidden among others. The third was when going through papers my father had saved, I came across various notes from my teachers when I was at school in the 1960s - when AS was unknown, and autism meant you never spoke and merely rocked in a corner. Those notes revealed enough that, today, any child described that way would be sent for an evaluation, and they'd be looking pretty hard at the autism spectrum the moment the evaluation began. All my memories had not prepared me for just how outwardly autistic I appeared to others back then. (Actually, reading those notes, I suspect if enough had been known at the time, I would have been diagnosed as HFA and not AS, even when they were considered separate diagnoses. I have learned to adapt and hide it much better over time, but reading those notes was very odd; just showing them to a therapist today would probably go a fairly long way toward convincing them my assessment of myself is accurate. I was a lot more of a classically autistic kid than I recall - but of course, I never saw myself from outside, I only knew what things appeared like to me.)

What type of assessment did he do? A person suspected of having AS should be given a full autism assessment. If the person is an adult, the assessment should be the proper one for adults.

If he did not do such an assessment then you may want to consider a second opinion. OCD, on the other hand, should be fairly easy for a qualified clinician to recognize. I would generally consult with someone who specializes in OCD on that matter though, or at least who is very familiar with it.

Did you ask him what brought him to his conclusions? I feel patients should always ask for their doctors or clinicians to provide them with the reasoning that lead to the diagnosis. If they can't clearly articulate it, or say something like "well you just don't seem..." or "I knew it from the second you stepped foot in here" then something is wrong and they are probably not following prescribed diagnostic procedures.

Ok I am going to start a list right now. I really do have to write it all down, I guess my head cant take it in otherwise.
=)


And about assessment, I think he did do quite a few. The AQ, for that I got a 35. Various intelligence tests which were all normal (maths much higher than others, averaging out poorer verbal), the Vineland 2, which I scored low to moderately low on (communication, social, daily living)

But his main reason for not diagnosing me AS and OCD instead is that he thinks that everything is brought on by anxiety: both the OCD, and social phobia. However I feel that when I am less anxious, my symptoms remain, and I have been like this since I was a child, and I wasn't anxious then.

But I am not sure. I am supposed to meet him again in August and can ask for more information, and voice my concerns.


Thank you guys.

There are social anxiety disorders that can appear similar to AS, but a person with AS can also have social anxiety. I think perhaps the difference between someone with a social anxiety disorder and someone with AS and social anxiety might be that the anxiety in someone with a social anxiety disorder might more often be cause by fears of how others will judge them while a person with AS and social anxiety might be more anxious simply because of the stress of having to navigate the social situations, or a profound feeling that they don't know what the proper thing to do is and people might end up getting upset with them.

I think people with AS are less likely, in general, to be worried about what others think of them in most social situations...much of the time a person with AS may be unaware that people are judging them.

This is all very general though of course. You certainly could have someone with AS who is worried what people think of them.

I dont worry much what people think of me, but maybe its because I've given up / grown less insecure over years.
But I do feel that my social anxiety issues are deeply rooted in an inability to know what is the socially acceptable or right thing to do in certain situations.
I've always felt that I missed the "social rules" day at school. People always seem to know what other are thinking, and how to act in certain situations, and I never have the slightest clue, and often just copy what I see others do.

You stated in your original post that you saw a psychologist. Perhaps a ASD/Autism Specialist would be right for you. Psychologists seem to never get it right. I have to see one in a few weeks myself for other issues (parents insisted), but that's who I don't need to speak to, as it know it will be a waste of time....

Less credence is given to those who are older because it is many times assumed that you should have been diagnosed already. I went through many many bad or quack nurse practitioners or psychologists who have offices in ghettos and I know what it means to be strung out. I had a psychologist tell me when I was 16 that I probably didn't have it because he could just tell if I did. Little did he know I was trying my best the whole time to maintain eye contact, etc. Recently I came upon this site and all of this information and it instantly stuck. I finally had a name for my meltdowns in my past, and a reason for my social skills and extreme interest in neuropsychopharmacology. A reason for my sometimes blunted expression and my monotone voice. And there was no more stress for me, I had a reason for why I was so "weird" and why I think mechanically. If you know then you know, a diagnosis is some words on paper. There is still so much to learn about it. I hope your search yields results.

Yesss, this is exactly the problem. They dont know that by that age we are good at pretending, and can easily fool them. The school psychiatrist told me that even if I had once had problem with eye contact, the fact that I could look her in the eyes meant I could not be autistic. End of discussion. Urggg. These people...

Find a therapist that has years experience with AS and have that person's opinion. Just like with other doctor types and car mechanics... if the person doesn't have experience with one particular problem chances are he will miss it.

Go take a Honda to a Toyota repair shop and watch them get stumped

Check the link below.. its literally the guideline the psychologists and therapists use to diagnose.

Remember AS doesn't usually come by itself.. social anxiety of any form for example is not an AS specific trait but most people with AS have it as well.

http://www.autreat.com/dsm4-aspergers.html

I'm going to a neurologist soon to try for an official diagnosis. I think that would be in your best interests as they know autism foremost as it's clearly a problem of the nervous system. Hope it works out.

Sagan: You may have ASD, but you probably do have OCD or at least OCD tendancies (the tap to 10 thing and others) as well. Having one does not exclude the other.

TheWanderer: Damn. You wrote my script! hehe. Thanks. Saved me the time and effort