I HATE being autistic.

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I always tell people and my parents that i'm not, I just have the wrong view on autism. Whenever I think about it, it makes me think of ''special'' people, not capable of doing a lot of things. I have PDD-NOS, I still have no idea what it means. I can communicate with other people, I have had several girlfriends before. I can answer normally, without feeling strange or any discomfort. Thinking about myself having PDD-NOS is s**t. I can get really pissed when my dad tells me that i'm autistic, I tell him to f**k off. Sometimes I just get that feeling to walk away from home, to make my way to the Hook of Holland and sneak into a ferry heading to Harwich(England) and convince people to take me as their son and tell them that my parents were killed and that i'm not safe in my own country. I just wish I could feel normal, I just f*****g wish they have never told me that I was autistic.

Well hopefully you will learn to accept yourself for who you are.

Yeah, society has an extremely negative view of disability. Tragedy, burden, worthless lives, pity, contempt, suffering - none of that is intrinsic to disability. The truth is that it's simply dis-ability; that there's something we can't do that people are expected to be able to do. There's nothing wrong with it.

PDD-NOS is a basket for people who probably have autism, but don't quite fit the criteria - not having all the symptoms, or not having them severely enough. Sometimes doctors diagnose it because it seems less "hopless". It's very possible that you come of as weird even if you think you're perfectly normal.

The thing I don't understand is why, in mainstream views of disability as Bluefins describes above, people don't recognize that no matter what your disability is, there will be things you do well--at least as well as other people, and better than some people. Ability is varied--nobody can do everything, and it sucks that there is a standard of skills and abilities that everybody is "supposed to" have....it's ridiculous and unrealistic. Different shouldn't="bad," "less valuable as a person" or "incapable" (it doesn't, really!).....different should just="different."

Autism is just a label for being different. If you really hate it that much, then don't use the label on yourself.

Try to look at it as if you have overcome your disability to the point that people can't even tell that you have it that you've accomplished something that many people never will and probably can't even imagine. Autism doesn't define who you are, it's just an additional characteristic that makes you unique.

Same, here LexiconDoll. No one can tell I'm autistic just by looking at me. It's not so bad, being different.

So you would rather be like everyone else? There's plenty of people that already do that.

At your age rebellion is normal, wait till you get old and fat and you will be more comfortable with your thingys

+1

I went through a phase where I hated being autistic.........many years ago. I actually got really obsessed with it......... trying methodically to eliminate my symptoms. I really hated the idea of having it and denied that I had it emphatically. So much wasted time in my life.......................

PDD-NOS means Pervasive Developmental Disorder Non Otherwise Specified. It is also sometimes called Atypical autism (even if it is, in fact, the most diagnosed form of the condition). To the best of my knowledge, it's diagnosed in a person if they don't completely fit a certain profile, but their difficulties constitute autism. Again, I'm not absolutely sure as I've never known anyone who was diagnosed with PDD-NOS.

You mention that you hate the label "autistic" and you refuse to belief that you are in any way disabled. Well, because I don't know you, I can't say too much about that particular aspect, but I can say that you are being a little over sensitive. There's nothing wrong with being a disabled person. You're not less of a person because you have a disability. I got support at school and I'm currently studying film and animation and my tutors regard me as one of their best students. Also, those who happen to be mentally ret*d or severely autistic (in other words, the people that I assume you want nothing to do with) are not monsters. I know enough of these people to know that many of them are incredibly pleasant individuals who (belief it or not) can hold down a job. One of my friends is classically autistic and she is for more active and involved with the community than me.

My point is that you do in fact have the wrong idea about autism. Autism is not shyness; it is perfectly possible to be autistic and feel no discomfort when talking to others. It's perfectly possible to have a romantic relationship with someone and be autistic.

Normality is a social construct. It doesn't have any objective meaning. Normal, to me, means something totally different than it does to you. I understand that this is something that you are insecure about and I respect your right to feel this way, but I hope that someday you will realize that you are not less of a person or less "normal" just because of being autistic or having any other kind of mental disorder.

I think you should spend time here talking to the other members as I think that it might do you some good to start identifying with others on the spectrum and if it's possible, find people in your school or in the community with autism. This might help to wipe away the stigma.

Hatred takes too much energy, especially hating something about myself. While I can become extremely frustrated over autism, I eventually have to shrug it off and soldier on. Indulging in hate seems a capitulation to the dark side (cookies not withstanding).