Could someone explain this to me?

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There's the person WITH a condition or whatever the label seems to be (gay, ADHD, Tourette's, ASD, ect.) and then there's the person who's THE FRIEND of the person just described.

Why does it seem like people feel more sorry for the friend than they do for the inflicted (for lack of better term) person? They make it seem like it's WORSE to be the friend than the person they were friends with. Why is that? The friend isn't the one with the condition, the person is! The person has it worse, but nobody gives a s**t about the person, all they care about is the friend!

I haven't really noticed this (probably because I am too oblivious...), but I have seen a book titled something along the lines of It's So Much Work Being Your Friend in the "Children with Special Needs" section at bookstores. And the library.

I haven't heard people say such things. But judging from my experience as a gay, autistic person, it really, really, really, really sucks to be friends with a gay, autistic person.

What I'm detecting from the original post is indirect. People usually want to hear the perspective of the FRIEND rather than the PERSON. I don't understand it.

I hear you, Zen. I'm also gay and autistic, it sucks to be a minority, judging from how people view you.

I think it has to do with relatability. People who are not (for example) gay and autistic won't be able to relate to someone who is and would rather know how someone who is close to such a person sees it. Because "the friend" sees this person in a way that is more familiar.

I'm having trouble finding the right words, this is the best I can do for now.

I've noticed the same thing with just about every condition. when I was in college, there was this kid, i don't know what he had, but it looked like it was incurable/chronic, but he had to constantly cough. One of my TA commented that it must be hard to be that guy's roommate.

What crossed my mind was, 'Isn't the guy himself in a worse situation". I have no idea how he sleeps, and many people wondered that too. The guy simple couldn't stop coughing. To me, he was the one with the real problem, everyone only felt sorry for his room mates who had to listen to him cough Every single day.

Wow, pascalflower, now I'm imagining what people think of me...

It's not strictly relatability. The cultural narrative about people with disabilities is that we're burdens on those around us.

Somehow our difficulties actually become their difficulties, and are apparently much harder for them to cope with than us.

I wonder how that came to be...

It is annoying when people are extra nice to the friend for being a friend of the person with the label as if being a friend to someone so different is somehow ennobling. Shouldn't being a good friend to anyone be ennobling in itself without any unusual circumstances?
Maybe it's the social scrutiny aspect? The idea being the friend has to put up with a lot of grief from society for being so-and-so's friend so they deserve a lot more than the average person.
I've propelled friends on to great things because of this.
It's very daunting. They got all the breaks for being my friend and I got nothing

There's a guy I'm friends with, but he pisses me off to such a high degree that people wonder what's wrong with me. People I used to work with think less of me because I hang out with him. When you get on the train and he loudly announces that he has a knife for protection, and you have to deal with some variation of that type of drama and annoyance every time you hang out with him (mainly because he seems to be against just hanging at the house) after a while that gets really old. Supposedly he has some form of autism. It's like halfway between Aspergers and autism. I can't think of a better way to describe it. Low functioning Aspergers maybe? So maybe people feel sorry for me because I'm the one who has to put up with his stupid s**t. When he is sad, who does he call? Me. Whose fault is that? Mine. So why people would feel sorry for me, I have no idea. I don't want pity, there's enough of that misery as it is.

So in conclusion, people look at me and say, "Well, this guy doesn't know any better, but the friend does. I guess the friend is stuck with him, because otherwise he wouldn't waste his time. No sane person would hang out with this train wreck of a human being. Poor, poor friend." Or something like that. Or maybe they look at me and wonder what's wrong with me, because I know better, and he doesn't. In any case, assuming the statement is true, it's probably something like this.

Its much more with women to scorn those who dont aim high in friendships.

You often see girls in pairs, same level of attractibility, same genes (celtic, afro american etc), same clothing styles, haircuts etc.

Guys are starting to do the same with skinny jeans, haircuts etc,

Difference is not accepted within groups.

Zen wrote

A true friend would be offended by the idea that they're being pitied for being friends with an autistic person. Seriously, if we're that horrible and miserable to be around no NT would come 10 feet near us.