Unwritten social rules and social exclusion

Post Reply New Topic

So, I believe I've recently obtained a rare direct glimpse into the social exclusion that follows a violation of the changing, dynamic unwritten social rules. (Instead of presuming that it happens as a result of my past dismal social success.)

Example: Before school everyday, I take the bus along with 80 other students. This number of students makes it a necessity that every seat will be taken, minus 2 seats or so. Assuming there are 40 pairs of 2-seats (A "window seat" and an "aisle seat"), the probability that a random person will be alone in their row of 2-seats is 2/40 = 5%. Guess what? By purposely standing at the front of the line everyday and not following the same "line forming behavior" that everyone else followed, I was able to make that probability 100% on an everyday basis.

"What is this line forming behavior?", you might ask and it's pretty simple. There's a long-wall that's about 20 feet away from the pavement where buses come and passengers board and deboard the bus, and every student will line themselves along this wall, with no exceptions (Except for me since I'm so exceptional. ). About 2-3 minutes before the bus typically comes, about a handful start meandering towards the pavement with none definitively declaring their position in line, and then as soon as the bus comes within sight, there's a universal forward surge in the group who is currently off the wall, everybody else gets off the wall (they instantly read nonverbal social cues that someone else has spotted the bus), and the "blob of people" solidifies into a semi-coherent line where the bus will come to pick the passengers in waiting up.

As an experiment, I decided to follow the "normal rules", one day by joining the "blob of people" roughly 2 minutes before the bus arrived, and claiming the second position and someone sat next to me on the bus. On another day, I hung back along the wall with everybody, and then leaped forward to claim the first position when the "blob of people" started forming, and someone sat next to me.

What does this imply? Follow the unwritten nonverbal rules (I.e., copy what everybody else is doing), and you're socially accepted - don't follow the rules (i.e., don't copy what everybody else is doing) and you do so at the risk of social exclusion.

What's the moral of this story? If I want a row of seats to myself to avoid risking getting the fatty sitting next to me everyday, it pays to buck the social rules.

Also, just as a few side questions, what's the evolutionary purpose of following unwritten social rules? Does not doing so imply an inability to do so (Out of lack of recognition of the rules) and those people are effectively 'socially disabled'? Among those who are able but refuse to comply, are they simply regarded as 'crazy'? If yes to both questions, then is the purpose of following unwritten, dynamic social rules a way of allowing the group to readily identify and exclude "outsiders" who are either 'socially disabled' or 'crazy' (And, thus would be bad to accept them and ultimately allow them to propagate)?

Finally, since this trend has become comically obvious, I was thinking about creating a speech and addressing "the crowd" to remark on my observations, what I've learned and my speculations on its evolutionary purpose. I was thinking about making sure every reference to the group of people is "you people", just for comical emphasis. In my mind, it would just be hilarious to see what would happen afterwards (I'm pretty sure I'd solidify my ability of getting a pair of seats all to myself for the rest of the quarter, and probably the seats within a 5 foot radius would also be empty. I was thinking maybe there'd be a slight chance someone would come and entertain a discussion on its evolutionary purpose or something.), but every other person I've spoken to about my hypothetical plan assures me people would be thinking... "Man, get that guy on some pills." (:lol:) and I'd probably become the target of bullying / harassment.

Yeah, giving a spontaneous speech would not be the best way to discuss that haha. I think moving to the front of the line expressed your intent to sit alone. Social skills are definitely a way for humans to identify the "other". Evolutionarily, if you're socially weird, you're unfit to reproduce with and thus not good to hang around with. Humans like a certain level of uniqueness, and it varies per person, but people are afraid or critical of anything too different.

Bucking the social rules can either single you out as the weirdo, or make you the leader. It's all about how you play it off. My fraternity brothers used to poke fun at me by calling me "Doug Funny" like from the TV show, and I used to let it get to me...one day they started calling me doug and one person hummed the theme song so I said "No no, it's like this. Doo do dooo do do do dooo do doo do doo! Come on, I'm not going to do it alone. Alright you do the bass line, you there can do the harmony" and as a result I led the interaction and looked good. If I wear something sorta unique to a party and laugh off criticisms of it, I'm "rockin' it" but if I show up covered in feces....

That is such an interesting phenomenon. I'm not trying to accuse you of making up lies, but its just that...that is UNBELIEVABLE! !

One question: When no one is breaking the social rules, how is it that everyone has someone else sitting beside them? Isn't it odd numbers so someone needs to be left out?

That's cool, I really like the original Doug. That story made me smile.
Interesting what you said about propagation. I saw the same in a documentary about chimpanzees. One chimpanzee was sadly ostracized for a reason I can't remember, and she was forced to raise her baby alone. It was sad. She did not enjoy the benefits the group provided each other with, which, in the wild, matters.

You should definitely study some evolutionary biology and game theory. You will love it.

That's awesome man.

As a low level NT, I can say that you are in fact very correct in your observation. I thought such things were obvious to everybody, though!


But, actually, that isn't really social exclusion. You've masterfully and successfully improved your place in the "pecking order". It simply means that you are accepted to play by the Unwritten social rules. Social exclusion on the other hand, means the rules don't apply, or different rules apply to different persons. Jim Crow laws in the Southern U. S. in the past are examples of social exclusion rules, whereby a Black person has to give up his/her seat if a White Person needed it, and a Black person has to leave the bus, if there's only room for one more White person.

The "blob of people" don't rush to be first in line, because they are confident that others want to sit next to them. They wouldn't feel out of place, no matter where in the bus they sit.

The funny things is that cheating, or getting away with breaking social rules is twice as sweet as following them. The rules are made to be broken. Social skills is the art of breaking the rules, and still looking like you're following them. Various statistics suggests that pregnancy among people having extra-marital affairs are 2 to 3 times more likely than between husband-and-wife.

It's true, in the Love and Dating forum I was talking about how I compliment girls on their breasts, and people refused to believe that such a rule could be broken. I've always been dedicated to improving my social skills; after wallowing in my weirdness for a long time I became obsessed with becoming socially normal.

There are some social rules we don't know exist, some we often choose not to follow, and some we ALWAYS follow. This applies to all humans, but it works differently for people with Aspergers. Acknowledging a convention of society or conversation or movement, analyzing it, putting it to use, and trying to let it become instinctive is the best way to progress.

Hah, I'd like to believe that. Today, I entered the "blob" a little late to claim the fourth position or "there abouts", and when the blob started solidifying into a more solid line, there was noticeably unusual aggression from the person who would later be behind me to exclude me from the line, suggestive of a more general trend of group-wide social exclusion (In other bus-passenger crowds where I'm a little less 'known', there is nowhere near this level of aggression.). This is all the more supported by the observation that, in this case today where I had "followed the rules", I still ended up possessing a seat all to myself (And I was the only one with a seat to myself) and there were six other people standing. I can probably infer that everyone definitely *doesn't* want to sit next to me.

(Also, "social exclusion" seems to be a running theme throughout my life, so it's not really surprising. It's weird, too, because I don't hate other people nor do I hold very unpopular "views" / "opinions" of people, and I think my intentions are almost always good.)

If that's because I'm an "extremely high ranking person", then great, but I'm erring towards the perception that I'm the local nut-case who doesn't readily conform to the social rules (And possibly other norms, like behavioral norms. I seem to be exceedingly talented for standing completely still and gazing in one direction for 5 minutes straight, which might seem unusual to others. Also, my ideas/thinking and/or speech might seem unusual or wacky, as another neurotypical on the forums implied I should go see a psych after he read my "creative short story" in my "short story" thread.)