Shut downs vs depression

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I have long suffered from major depression. But as I tease apart the tangle of autism at work in me, I'm beginning to think that some of what I've previously identified as depressive episodes may actually be major shut downs. I regularly get these brain fogs in response to stress. Not panic attacks or anything. Just cognitive lethargy. They don't last too long, normally a few hours at most while I recharge. But I've begun to notice that I have longer phases of a similar suppressed cognition that can go for days or weeks. Not usually as severe as the short term downturns, but longer in duration. But I've also noticed the emotional distress of depression isn't always present. It's just a general fogginess. Perhaps this is why antidepressants never worked very well for me?

You have just given me more to think about, and it makes sense to me. I can usually discern mere self-pity from actual depression, but now I wonder whether all of the "depression" actually is all depression. Consider: I had been hoping a psychiatrist could actually help me in some way, but then I suddenly felt much better after she and I recently agreed I should go elsewhere ... and I have since stopped taking Prosac and begun wondering why I really even began taking it in the first place.

I have to agree. My 'depressive' episodes appear to be tied to the degree with which an issue will make sense to me. When things make no sense, my operating capacity is diminished. When things make sense, I can return to higher or full operating capacity. Yes, that makes me sound like a robot but it's what happens.

People have told me that I'm 'moody' or bipolar but the definitions never appeared accurate in that I felt the degree to which I have emotional engagement (or disengagement) is relative to the frustration level I experienced. I have always been able to 'think through' problems and when I develop a productive resolution plan, I'm immediately implementing it. With that in mind IMHO frustration and confusion could more aptly describe what is perceived by others as a 'mood'.

Last edited by Dinosaw on 13 Apr 2011, 7:19 pm, edited 2 times in total.

I'm glad my parents were too poor to send me to the doctor to get me on depression meds.
I get the brain fog too; can't make a coherent thought when I'm shut down.
I also have been very depressed too; it took awhile to come to terms with it and understand what was really going on with me.

I was desperately trying to be like everyone else or trying to understand why I was never accepted the way I am. It wasn't until years later that I made the connections to 'get it' - Poor + Aspergers= ideal victim. It ran the gambit from people taking advantage of my gullibility (I tell the truth and thought everyone did) to outright abuse. Then the first person I really loved drown in her pool and it blew up my life. In many ways that was a blessing because it forced me to examine myself and to immerse myself into the most technical things I could find to cope with it.

Now I understand that depression isn't hard to beat at all. An hour of exercise that puts me in my target heart range (60-80% of (220-age)) for an hour a day creates all of the healthy brain chemicals to keep me stable and embracing who I am instead of trying to be like other people have freed me forever from depression.

I still have those foggy days and the melt down days when people attack me for too long but I'm not depressed

JD

I very much suffer from the "fog" daze. My closest friend recognizes it almost instantly and she jokes when I am in it because she says I am closer in Intelect to normal people on those days. LOL!

I can be in this state for 5 or more days at a time. I am more fully autistic in every way when it happens and is usually a result of a stress trigger. This past week was after I taught in a Jr High for two days. It took me about 4 full days to fully recover from that in a meaningful way. I have found that if I go "mute" it actually helps me to function a bit better.

Interesting. It would seem from the responses that I may be on to something. It is strangely liberating, finding out these things about myself. While shutdowns may not be good, per se, knowing about them and differentiating between shutdowns and depression seems a good thing. I am beginning to see how they might be brought under a certain amount of control. Somewhat like controlling migraines, I can learn to monitor triggers and maybe not get pushed into fogville so often.

I became more self aware and recognize when it is coming on. It is like a wave or water rising in a glass; if I take control and stop whatever is triggering me or LEAVE I can keep myself from being overwhelmed or melting down. It doesn't always work like when there is no where to go and the other person won't stop verbal attacking but I am in far more control than I used to be.
I am especially afraid of getting in angry meltdowns; I lose total control so I avoid it at all costs.

I had a very similar thought recently. Looking back at a lot of things I assumed to be depression, I noticed they were very much the shutdowns I finally know I'm having now, and especially noticing the general fogginess vs. the emotional distress.

I am not sure how much was depression and how much was shutdown, and how much they overlapped.

Oh yea, you want to set me off into a total shut down...
1) Disrupt my routine
2) Add a stress factor to the disruption
3) make the resolution to #1 and/or #2 dependent on someone else
4) And have that someone else not have the same time frame that I have.

Total melt down and once it blows over I just want to be left ALONE.
It's what I have heard called Rumble, Rage and Recovery.
And the length of the 3rd one is dependent on the intensity of the first two.

That is a process that adequately describes me.

> As confusion and frustration develop, the higher the degree that is experienced, the greater the stress that is induced.

> The more stress, the more overwhelmed I get.

> The more I am overwhelmed, the more stultified I become, leading to a perception that I am experiencing depression

As I understand myself more, I believe what I experience is more aptly defined as information/input circuit overload which can lead to program (personality) overload.

I get the brain fog, too. It happens when I experience cognitive overload due to things such as:

1) Experiencing too many demands on my attention--in other words: I'm in a situation where I need to multi-task (multi-tasking is something I can't do, no matter how hard I try)

2) Trying to make sense of an intangible and/or multi-faceted concept or situation I need to understand (like when doing required reading for certain college courses, trying to follow a conversation or make sense of a social interaction, trying to organize my life when things are extremely busy or something has changed/is uncertain etc.)

3) Trying to put a complicated idea or event into words. This is especially difficult when: a) I've never tried to put the idea or event into words before, and; b) the event or idea is largely unlike any other event or idea I have managed to put into words.

The amount of time it takes for the brain fog to dissipate depends on the duration and intensity of the cognitive overload, and whether or not it's combined with other kinds of stress. Cognitive overload alone, I usually recover from within a day or so. When cognitive overload is combined with sensory overload, it might take a bit longer.

But when cognitive overload is combined with emotional stress and/or emotional overload (feeling more than one thing simultaneously--it's virtually impossible for me to process or deal with more than one emotion at a time), it may take days or weeks for my brain to start working again--depends on the situation.

People often think I'm depressed when my brain has shut down. They equate withdrawal and lethargy with depression. But if I were depressed, I'd be thinking about being depressed. When I've shut down, I feel whatever I feel (although my emotions tend to be sort of fuzzy and muted) but I can't think properly about anything.

Same here, and I would say all of that in almost exactly those same words.

The same things also happen to me. When I will have these mental shutdowns, were I seem to be thinking and processing things much more slowly, and I need to lie down alot, I stop when I walk alot, and seem to be constantly daydreaming. I will often lie down in my dorm room to stay away from over stimulation. I usually shut down when I have a whole bunch of stressors in my life, such as alot of school assignments and alot of obligations to various people, I can simply shut down and not move out all. Does anyone have any suggesting to dealing with brain fog?

Just throwing this out there to anyone that it might help since it has helped me get over some hurdles I haven't been able to before. I took a self hypnosis class recently and it helped me relax a bit more -
especially at night when I used to have trouble sleeping. Now I can shut my brain off and sleep where I couldn't before. The real test (which worked) is that I was able to do it when I went to bed angry.
It helped me re-start exercise and I'm in my 5th week now (I usually don't make it this long).

As long as I'm not doing something like driving I can use the relaxation techniques I learned to calm myself down before I get too close to melt down. Fascinating stuff I know there are some skeptics about hypnosis here and if you're one of them don't bother. If you can't dis-engage your conscious mind it won't work since you have to mentally participate for it to work and it is very easy not to.
If you want it to work it does. I'm still amazed that my back hasn't hurt since February (2 months now) even when I walk 5 miles, plant 10 trees in the yard, dig sprinkler trenches, or install an eval cooler by myself. Before it hurt every day. The mind is very interesting.

If you're interested in such things I gave a speech in Toastmasters about it recently that talks about how to create your own self hypnosis script and a lot of the details involved:
powerpoint: http://www.megaupload.com/?d=2DMAJVGZ
handout: http://www.megaupload.com/?d=5KSCQYSF

My shut downs typically last 12-24 hours. A depressive episode doesn't last longer than three days. I really don't know why they're so short but they are intense. I know I'm depressed because I just want to give up on everything.
I think I'm actually having a shutdown today although with less tiredness. I tried to sleep in but daylight savings screwed me over again. I think it started from 5pm last night and I'm not sure how much longer it will go for. Not daylight savings, my shutdown.