Aspergers having no social life

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Does anyone here who have Aspergers not have a social life?If so why do you think?Is it because of shyness of being seen by certain people being sociable?

In my case if I had my house of my own instead of living in my parents house I would probably have a social life meaning going to gatherings and places getting to meet people.Although there are times that I feel like being just by myself.

My social life is very sparse. It just never enters my mind to want to do social things. Any socialization I do is initiated by others - like holiday dinners or concerts at my kids schools.

I don't think we can handle the chaos of other people well. We prefer structure. Where rules and expectations are clear.

I deal with other people a lot, but usually under the structure of a common activity. Wouldn't call that a social life though.

The way I've understood a typical social life, everything you do is based on your personal connections. Not the other way around.

I just feel like I can have more fun on my own.

It doesn't necessarily mean that I can't have fun around other people, but they do eventually drain me and I have to get away. I sometimes feel lonely around other people, too. I feel like a freak compared to everyone else, so it's easier to be by myself.

I am not diagnosed with ASD (have never been officially tested for it) but with Social Anxiety, depression and Agoraphobia (and sometimes ocd) and even though I am an NT (as far as I know lol), I don't have much of a social life for a variety of reasons:

Due to a past history of being bullied and ostracised I tend to be wary about it happening again.

I tend to make a lot of mistakes and misinterpret people so it's not something I am particularly good at.

I do not always enjoy socialising, as I find sitting around chatting endlessly a little boring unless its about a subject of interest (skip the small talk lol).

I find socialising to be extremely exhausting. It's not because I am easily embarrassed and worry about stuff like that, it's mostly because I don't have a lot of natural instinct or intuition for it and most of it has to be worked out intellectually. This can give me a headache and wipe me out energy wise for a few days afterwards. It does not help that I also don't really tend to look at people very often and am mostly oblivious to what they are doing anyway lol.

And last, but definitely not least, I often prefer to be at home with my passions (hobbies) than out and about with other people lol.

I do not have a very good social life even though I would like to meet people but it ends badly and no one wants to have me around or be with me or include me so my social interactions are very rare-I do get out with my aspergers groups and it is fun.

My friends are in my computer.

Okay, not really but that's where most of my socializing is done. Even Wednesday nights when I go bowl and drink, I don't really talk to many people. I respond to others, but that's about as good as it gets.

Like others here, I simply don't enjoy socialization and it stresses me out. I can "deal" with others just fine in structured situations and I really enjoy my family, but outside of that, I prefer solitude.

I used to dislike socialising a lot in school, but since I left two years ago I've craved socialising a little more, but to nowhere near the extent of NTs.
In "real life", 2-3 hours or so of socialising can be draining, and I don't particularly enjoy large gatherings, especially if there are many strangers.

In any case, the majority of most days are spent alone, but I do more socialising than I did a year or two ago.

First of all, I'm not shure about being an aspie. I had scored in the aspie range on some tests but I was never professionally diagnosed. I like to see myself as an NT with some aspie traits.

I haven't been to many parties but so far I hate them. That includes everything from dinner parties to the dancing club super-stressfull type of scenario.

I don't have much of a social life but I do like socializing with a select few. As for going out, I like art gallery openings (where I live, there's lots of alcohol at this type of events ) and layed down type of bars.

I think the diference between "going out" and "socializing" should clarified in regards to this thread.

Last edited by AldousH on 14 Apr 2011, 3:23 pm, edited 1 time in total.

This is my situation too. I have a fair amount of social anxiety, but I dont know if it's the cause of this or an effect. Whatever it is, I dont feel any emoltional need for being social. Perhaps unfortunately I am (today) aware of the benefits of being social: finding a partner pretty much depended on having a social network at least in the pre-online dating world, and beign social is pretty much expected and demanded in most careers ... including mine, although I have realised it only lately, perhaps too late to salvage the career.

I get to much anxiety when going out now. I used to socialize a lot when I was younger but here in the 5 years I've just become a total recluse. Just thinking about leaving the house for anything I get really nervous and anxious and sometimes talk myself out of leaving. Though on the days I have to work I have no problem leaving or no anxiety. I guess because its part of my routine? At work I socialize very well, and if I end up going to the store afterwards I have no problems.

Its almost like when I get home I forget how to interact with people and have to relearn it everytime I head back into town?

Seconded.

Well, right now I have an active social life.

However, for many years I didn't. Socializing was too overwhelming and awkward. Plus, I get very self absorbed when I am at home, and never think to call or go out and do things with people. That is my main problem with it. I'm content not being around people. I still don't have a social life when school is out. I can go weeks without hanging out with my friends and be fine. But I do get bored with just staying home and doing nothing. I am easily bored with books, movies, and other things like that and need to be doing something. I just don't have to do things that involve people.

What changed is that my NT brother came to college and I have always relied on him to help me in social situations. So we started going to the same social group and I basically relied on him to help me navigate it until I could get comfortable enough to try it on my own. And the group of people I am a part of are all a bit socially awkward and forgiving of errors, so that is cool. Now I even have my own social group a part from my brother's. It has taken me two years to get to this point and I think I am about at my limit socially. I have too many friends now, in my opinion.

But I still don't like noisy crowded places and prefer to have structure to my time spent with them, like meeting to play a game or something. And I like to go places I am familiar with that are clean and don't have very many knickknacks out.

No matter how hard I try to socialize I come off as rude to people, whether is through complement, poor eye contact, poor choice of conversation etc. Yet when other people do the same to me it's considered okay.

Instead of trying to figure out why the hell they insist on always being right and me always being wrong. I decided to just give up on socializing. I have one friend who is AS and knows I have anxiety and social issues so he's the only one capable of cooperating with me.

Yep, it's all in your head. I never desired many friends and didn't know how to go about making them...I think I have some idea now, but I can't say I've consciously tried to become friends with someone yet. I have some friends now, but it's mentally exhausting to be around them all day; even with roommates, I spend a few hours a day in my room with the door shut.

You can be as sociable as you want and you can make as many friends as you want. You'll find yourself in some stressful social situations, and you'll still have to learn to deal with criticism (people might call you awkward for a long time) but you can do it if you really put your mind to it, and learn the rules that dictate common social interactions.