How do you compliment or show appreciation?

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Whenever I try to give someone a compliment or show appreciation it seems to fall flat.

Say if I'm in a club and there is a girl with pretty shoes, telling them that they have pretty shoes or saying they look nice sometimes works, but sometimes you get the odd look and the reply of 'oh, ooook' - is this that people can't take a compliment, or is this about me missing some sort of social rule about giving a compliment to someone you don't know? Isn't this what we women are supposed to do anyway?

Or say a general expression of 'I like you' or 'You're cool' when said to others either who you know or who you would like to know, this may not go down well or it may just get ignored. I rather like the idea that if you like someone you should just be able to say 'I like you' - wouldn't life just be so much easier if people did this and just talked to each other rather than being so caught-up in silly rules.

Woe is me moment - Is it just that they don't want to know me, don't want me to like them, or they plain don't like me?

If someone said to me out of the blue that they "liked me" i'd think they were trying to flirt with me or shag me. I don't know though! You're better off asking Nt's these questions.

I don't compliment anyone because it doesn't sound natural. When I want to show appreciation, I will say "thank you" in a quiet, embarassed tone. I know, I'm pathetic.

In general, it doesn't come naturally to me, nor do I do it often.

I don't really know about any social rule for when or how to compliment people, but if someone compliments me, I try to return the favour.

Mark Segar has a bit on this in his aspie survival guide. Google him and it should come up.

In all fairness half the time that is why I tell someone I like them, lol

But then that's when you go on to say 'I like you...but not like that'/'I like you, you're cool I'd like to know you better' with a casualness to it or use body language (if we are capable of doing so) such as saying 'I like you' along with a a soft voice or a sidewards glance. Or whatever.

This is pretty much me too. My compliments sound forced and therefore fake, but I actually do mean it. I suppose monotone is the word I'm looking for here.
I say 'thank you' in the same way too.

Showing appreciation is hard for me, since I never really feel like compliments are genuine. Probably trust issues and self-esteem wrapped up in that.

Complimenting is easier for me, it's something I've put a lot of practice into. I probably don't do it as often as I could, and it can be awkward at times. I try to keep it simple, as in "That looks good on you." I'm also not willing to just give compliments for the sake of form, they have to be meaningful and (to my eyes) correct.

For me, complimenting someone is just telling the obvious truth in an obvious, blunt way - and I'm good at that. Maybe I miss the social awkwardness altogether, though. It's a common exchange when I'm complimenting people, especially women - I'll say whatever it is, they look nice, a piece of clothing particularly suits them, or they do something very well - and they'll often say something like "oh aren't you sweet." To which I reply "No. Just honest." I wouldn't bother saying it if it wasn't true in my point of view. When people compliment me, though, I completely ignore it.

Hmm, I agree with Jamie, maybe take this question to the NT thread.

But what if I want to compliment fellow aspies?

Right now talking to other aspies is more confusing than talking to NT's.

Ah, well, personally, I respond to very straightforward things.

I don't give out compliments. I show appreciation by saying "thank you." When I do give out a compliment, it's natural and genuine. Like saying "That looks good" is a compliment.

I don't compliment people.

I think just being straightforward and honest is the best?

A genuine example: Your posts stand out for me, and I try to read and reply to your threads.

Also, kinda awkward, but honest.

Last edited by Verdandi on 18 Apr 2011, 3:06 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I don't usually even think to compliment people until long after the conversation. If I do I'm sure it would sound fake.