My mum thinks I'm a waster...

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…in that there are so many things I cannot do. According to her I have a "can't do" mentality, when I should have a "can do" mentality. I think this is mostly false.

I do clean my room up. I don't do as much as I should do around the house. I have a bitterness against the world and how it is presently run. I feel that no-one listens to me as such. I try to convince them as best I can with argument but that always fails, even though I have taken onboard (as much as I can!) the concerns of the other party.

I feel very defensive, as though other people are out to make fun of me - in Britain, the humiliation and tormenting of the disabled - or those that don't 'fit in' - is very common. I believe that our society is run fundamentally by bullies and not by honest, trustworthy people. My mum wishes that I simply ignore that and get on with life.

I'm stuck in a rut.

You can't change what other people do; you can only change what you do. You can't change what your mom thinks of you, but you can influence what you think of yourself.

Yes, the world sucks. That's why we work to make it suck less, even if only in our little corner of it.

The thing is, I don't feel fully able to change myself yet. I have a sleep disorder that is currently being looked into, yet I have heard of no ways to resolve it.

It feels like nothing I do for her is good enough. I note (and have noted to her) that I never receive any positive feedback from her about the positive things that I do or have done - it's all negative.

Add to that a big siege mentality and it's not good.

Yeah, this is why you shouldn't be listening to HER standards. Live up to your own.

For instance, she moans endlessly about me not getting dressed as soon as I get up and sitting on the computer naked. In my own bedroom - not necessarily in the rest of the house, I always put clothes on first. But if we're not doing anything for the day (or until we're going out?) what's the point in getting dressed? I'm not expecting any deliveries or anything like that, and no visitors are expected. If they were, I'd quickly put a T-shirt and boxers on.

I feel your pain Tequila. What really pisses me off is when people say "That's why the world sucks", but WHY does it suck? People make it suck for EACH OTHER, so if everyone just stopped making it suck, then it wouldn't suck? right??????!?!

It's the fact that we have no openness, and anyone who admits to a problem and dealing with it is seen as 'weak'. As I say, we're largely ruled by incompetence and maliciousness in this country, which means people like me often can't be heard or respected.

I feel like a lot of the things we do aren't really our fault but if we explain them honestly we will then make enemies out of people for being honest with them.

Which leads to further paranoia.

Another saying that I don't like is, "That's the way the cookie crumbles." How is that supposed to help?

I can see that you're doing the best that you can. I also sense a lack of appreciation. I guess the best thing that you can do for now is say, "Yes mum." than let it go in one ear and out the other. I'm not going to suggest moving out, because every situation is different.

We all appreciate you and accept you here on WP.

maybe you should see a psychiatric and see if you might have something then you can be labeled maybe you'll be lucky and you'll be labeled with something that will make you smarter in an area or smarter in all

I have repeatedly said to her that I wish to move out. "I've put your name down", she says.

But, yes, it does feel as though there is no way I can win. She says that if I 'shape up' and stuff I could even get a job. I ask her who would employ me? I actually wouldn't mind a job, and the sense of freedom that would bring but I am not in the right psychological place yet.

I've read some of your posts and am in line with a lot of your opinions, and understand how you feel about this. The truth is there are a LOT of things we simply can't do, and other people don't understand because these things, which may include for instance, tying your shoes or driving a car (two common skills with which some ASD individuals have difficulties) come so naturally to them. Then they say, "If you say you can't, you can't," when in reality, we just... can't.

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I can't drive because my eyesight precludes it (short-sightedness and nystagmus). It's so bad that people often think I'm staring at them because I struggle to recognise them. Sometimes, the only way I might recognise people is through sitting and listening carefully to their voice, so it's a form of prosopagnosia. This has the potential to get me into a lot of trouble, especially with jealous husbands and their wives. I think it's someone I recognise and my eyesight sort of backs this up, but I'm unsure.

I could learn to tie my shoelaces but due to the hand-eye co-ordination that would be difficult.

I don't think you need to ignore your feelings that the world is run by bullies, but perhaps you are overwhelming yourself by conflating your mother's criticism with the bad things that the rest of the world does as well. I think you need to give yourself a break and just try to deal with the more immediate things that you can manage.

If you want your mother to get off your back, you could try acquiescing to some of her wishes, like getting dressed. You wouldn't be doing it for her, but for yourself, to make your own life more tolerable.

I agree with Callista that you can't change other people, you can only work on propping up your side of the fence.

I'm not undressed all day, it's just that the first thing I tend to do when I get up is look at the computer. Similar but different to the way other people wake up - i.e. a cup of tea and a look at the telly.

Like I say, there is a strong bitterness and fear (?) about the world. I can't understand it, or integrate with it. I can only co-exist within it. Doing what I want to do sometimes puts me at odds with the rest of the world. Perhaps is that I show a lack of respect when doing it, so what comes naturally to other people just doesn't occur to me?

In fact, my mum actually says that a lot - in that what would occur to other people as a matter of routine simply isn't there for me - often something as little as getting towels down for the bath.

I can understand the bitterness and fear completely. When you're living in a world of uncertianty and of not performing up to NT standards, the world can be a tough place indeed. And the stigma of feeling unintegrated with society doesnt help...I think your mom needs to realize that you're doing the best you can right now, because I see that you are putting at least some effort into your chores.

I guess this our lot in life eh? Your story reminded me of stuff with my parents too.

It could be a lot worse though. You could have a job in a corporation that encourages global problems, have a group of friends that allk get together and laugh at another, or even worse, you could become totally corrupted by society and actually start believing 2+2=5, the terrorists are out to get you....

I never had any appreciative comments from parents either. Fridge mother?