Effective communication in situations of stress

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If I feel as if I am not being listened to or that I am being railroaded this triggers my meltdowns.
In certain situations it is vitally important to get my voice across in order to prevent a situation where I will end up going into a meltdown, or simply situations where I need things addressed - BUT when I attempt to do this I simply can't clearly express myself, or I end up having a meltdown as a result.

Is this a fairly standard situation with others?

Take for example an appointment I have with my disability adviser at the job centre tomorrow - I'm forced to look for jobs that are not suitable and have had no support in the 3+ years I've been unemployed, the adviser doesn't understand AS let alone know my own abilities/restrictions. I want to point this out to him and find out where I can go for support. If I try to communicate this it will come out as; 'erm...any way of...erm, getting support' - either he'll say he's there to offer support, say no and I'll be no further forward, or he'll ask what sort of support I want and as I don't know this it'd leave me stumped. The anxiety of such as situation may also lead to a meltdown.
This specific example is just an example of a reoccurring situation.

So, my point is in situations like this how are we supposed to communicate?

I would love to have little cards - a yellow card to say I'm close to a meltdown, a red card to say I'm having a meltdown or shutdown so to leave me the hell alone and give me some privacy, and little cards where I can write down all the things I need to say - or better still, life would be just grand if I could communicate with people in situations like this via email. But things aren't that easy.

So what else can be done?
When you are faced with this sort of situation how do you make sure to communicate what you need to communicate?

Sadly, I don't do great in this regard either. If i start getting stressed during a conversation (especially if I feel the other person is attacking me or not following rules of logical discussion), I will get angrier and less eloquent by the minute. My ability to think of alternate routes for the conversation disappears and I start hounding on a single point or just responding to whatever the other person just said.

The only thing I can do, if I realize this is happening, is extricate myself from the conversation as graciously as possible and try again once I've had a chance to cool off and "practice" the conversation.

Do you have access to a mobile device of some sort which has a text-to-speech function?
If it is easier to write out some general-purpose information (for example, explaining about meltdowns/shutdowns as a neuro issue, and you need the following things from people around you...) then get your device to "speak" to people for you, that is a possibility.
Some people might have issues with that , but a lot will at least try to help.

If that is not possible, would printing out what you need to say be practical? - Certainly in terms of support for things like Jobcentre stuff, as advisors often do not know what they are dealing with (and how it affects you as an individual).

I am considering these options personally, since there are some situations where I functionally lose speech entirely and this seems like a way to at least try to get the basics across...

Having been in receipt of support services and on finding that they have little understanding either I have decided that it is best to restrict my contact to only a select few with whom I can communicate myself. Once in a blue moon someone who does understand me comes along but this is not the norm.

In regards to others I think that you just have to remember that they do seem to have limited understanding most of time. The only place I was ever really understood by others was at University and then only by the lecturers. Working in groups was a nightmare for me in terms of getting the group to understand what I was saying. I even tried showing them an essay that I had written for which I had been given an A grade. I was told by the lecturer who marked it that it was 'Beautifully written and very well argued' and yet when I let the other students read it I still received comments such as "We don't see how that relates" in regards to the various concepts and ideas I had explored.

Communicating with most people is akin to repeatedly smacking my head against a brick wall so a part of me has now given up lol. It's far too frustrating for me and most of the time it is just not worth trying to make them understand something which they are clearly incapable of understanding.

If you are having trouble getting your words out you could write yourself a list of things you want to say. Also try the broken record technique and if that advisor is not helpful in regards to helping you get support try to find out if there is anyone else you can speak to.

I'm crap at being articulate when I'm full of adrenaline. I guess it's only to be expected if stress hormones are whizzing around.

One thing I always wanted was a card to hand out to people who try to interrupt me. You'd thnk after all these years of trying, I'd have learned a stock reply off by heart.

As for getting help from officials, I don't do very well there.......it probably helps a little to rehearse and try to remember a few key phrases, but the officials seem to have ways of softening me up - e.g. putting me in a noisy waiting room for an unspecified time and then calling me up very suddenly, giving me somebody to talk to that I've never met before. The shock of discovering that they aren't really interested in helping me still bowls me over too.....I don't know why it does after all this time.

I think one thing that would really do good is to have an advocate with me, somebody who can spot them when they're fobbing me off with nothing and call them out for it immediately, instead of having to think it all over for a few days first.

Otherwise, maybe it's worth looking to see if you can communicate with them via the written word....it's a pity that GPs aren't geared up to reading emails from their patients, otherwise my GP would be a lot more aware how I feel about the quality of service I've had.