Growing Pains

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I get so afraid thinking what it be like if I was an adult. My older brother and my second brother seem okay as adults. But I know my older brother sometimes fakes it till he makes. He told me that once. My second eldest brother is so so, sometimes he's bad and sometimes he's good. But he doesn't fake it, he just tells you what it is. That's what I observe when I watch him. But I wonder what happens when I grow up. I'm not the best writer, I write slow and take to many pauses. I repeat sentences and phrases cause I just do that, one time I repeated the same phrase four times. I use my brother to help me fix what I write. He cuts out all the multiple words and phrases. When I talk I am really slow. I take to many pauses, forget my place, or just repeat words over and over again. But its like my brain is stuck and the only thing I can remember is that one word. I forget sometimes, I just do dishes and then get this urge to stare off forgetting my chores. True I am 14, but I got to start thinking about driving and work. But I'm no good at home with it. Outside, I don't go outside often or shopping. I'm forced to go to school by law. But its a lot of people and a lot of lights. Makes my world go wobbly and sometimes I gotta runaway to quiet places so I don't break. So when there is no school, I stay at home a lot. My perception and visual perception is no good. I also forget. My brother wanted me to try to drive. But I forgot. So he had to take over. Then I get stuck, cause I always have to do this before I do that and before I do that I gotta do this and then before that is this. Its an endless cycle and I never get what I set my mind originally to get done.
I don't think I'd make a good adult.

Do adults know how I can be more adult like?

So, when it comes time I won't disappoint my family.

If you want to play a good game of tennis, always play opponents who are good players.


You will lose constantly, but raise your standard through exposure to better players.

Well you are 14, not sure how it is where you live but where I live you have to be 16 to work by law pretty much......so you don't have to be worried about working just yet, especially if you are still in school its important to pass all your classes and such before focusing on work. And as for driving I am 21 and still do not drive because I get too distracted with my own thoughts so it would probably not be a very good idea for me...so I don't think you should feel obligated to drive if its that difficult.

I usually leave what you write alone J Bird. But maybe you'll listen to me more or hear my words more clear if this was in writing. You're not a failure to any of us in this house. You're wonderful and sweet and sometimes I wonder if I am doing a good enough job as a brother to help you out and also give you, your space.
You don't need a car, or a job for us to know you're responsible adult. You just need to be you and continue being you, maybe a more mature you, but just stay as you. You don't need fancy things and there aren't always going to be specific milestones for you to become an adult. Becoming an adult is all internal, it isn't external. Certaintly, people emphasize on the external thoughts of what makes an adult, but to me I focus on the internal. And for all I'm concerned you'll make a wonderful adult, you're already there as a young adult. To me, you're wonderful and sophisticated, brilliant and genius.
As stated you haven't failed any of us. And as much as I didn't want to write this in public, you opened this up as public. And I thought it be better to just get it out there.

To me, you're already on the path of being an adult. And that's all in your attitude.