Ever been "set up" to fail?

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This came from the Social Rule Book thread. So as not to derail that one, I started this.

My response to swbluto's comment not to trust your mother's fashion advice unless you're going to church was, "Truth!" However, here I add, "Sometimes not even then."

My daughter is undergoing testing to get an official ASD diagnosis. I have not yet begun that process, but I will. I strongly suspect both of us are going to be told we are Aspie or some other ASD. I also have a mother with a very forceful personality. She did something to me years ago, and I now find out that she has done the same to my daughter.

In my case, it was a family reunion. I traveled from several states away to attend, and brought with me the outfit I planned to wear. Dear mother didn't think the blouse and skirt matched properly. She said, "I know why you want to wear it, so you can wear the blouse. But it just won't work. Let me take you out shopping." Well, if her motive had actually been to help, she would have bought another skirt that matched the blouse better. But no. She forced upon me this perfectly hideous *thing* that went on the way a swimsuit does, buttoned at the shoulder, and covered as much as a t-shirt and shorts. That's right, I was a grown woman and the mother of two children, and she made me go to a family reunion in a ROMPER!! ! Not only that, it was a pastel blue-and-white stripe that made me look like a gigantic Easter egg, cut in a way that caused me to look as big as a bus, and had shoulders that kept slipping down and showing my bra straps. I hated it from the very start, but she wouldn't listen to the fact that I hated it. She insisted that it be bought and worn. I felt ridiculous the whole time. Meanwhile, she had on a perfectly sweet fuchsia sundress.

She set my daughter up at my cousin's wedding, which I stated elsewhere that I did not attend. Same situation. Daughter had her chosen outfit with her, but mother disapproved and insisted on taking her shopping. She ignored my daughter's input and bought her something that, daughter said, "made me look like an Easter egg with legs." Almost the same words I used to describe the ugly piece of crap she made me wear to the family reunion. And yes, after dressing my daughter ridiculously in something she hated, my mother had on something adorable.

Some have said that my mother does these things for the same reason that in a wolf pack, only the Alpha female is allowed to breed. She is eliminating competition and establishing herself as the most desirable female present.

But I think of times I have been set up by peers. How many times have I been assured something was "cool" when in fact it was making me a laughingstock? Does this happen to others?

Last edited by LovebirdsFlying on 03 May 2011, 1:55 am, edited 1 time in total.

It happened to me in school, much less so as an adult. In fact, that is one of the things that characterized adults for me, was that they weren't nearly as horrible to me in those ways (but they were horrible in many many other ways).

Yep. Had it done more than once.

Maybe, in a way, I deserved it because I was so irritating, but the betrayal was more painful than if they had just confronted me and told me to leave.

Many times. From my teens to adulthood, just until recently. Slowly I realize I will have an acceptable look regarding my clothing only when I'm the only one who decides what to buy and wear. And no, I'm not good at it, I buy a lot of clothes I mind later.

Yeah, when I was 15 I was told by some children that they wanted me to join in their 'game'. They all took it in turns to head-butt me. My Mum told me I shouldn't let other children do that to me. I learnt something important: if you try to look you can end up looking

Most lessons I've learnt in life have been a lot less painful

I remember that my boss told me to solve a mathematical calculation and he suggested that I use a calculator. After performing the calculation my coworkers immediately called me stupid because any smart person could have performed the calculation in their head. So I lose either way. If I use the calculator that means I am stupid but if I don,t use the calculator I am bein insubordinate. Later my boss slammed me in a performance evaluation telling everyone that I was unsure of myself.