Page 1 of 1 [ 4 posts ] 

y-pod
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Apr 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,698
Location: Canada

03 May 2011, 7:51 pm

Mission failed. :( I tried to explain to them a few times before and they wouldn't listen. Yesterday I finally sat down and wrote a long heartfelt letter, explaining things in simple terms and asked them for a little bit of understanding and support. Today I got their responses and it's obvious none of that was absorbed. They told me that: (what's in brackets are my interpretations)

- I read and think too much, I should relax and think less (aka "it's all in your head")
- Go and make more friends ("go get a life")
- Find a job so I can be busy and not have the time to think so much ("Get a f****** job and make yourself useful")
- My kids will outgrow their autism. It's probably all because we didn't talk to them enough when they were little anyway.("You're making up all these excuses for your poor parenting. They're perfectly fine kids."
- If I don't like talking to them they'll just call me less, so I can have more time "associating with my in-laws". ("You choose them over us, so be it then, happy?")

I'm very disappointed. I was desperately asking for a bit of understanding. In my letter I gave them 3 tiers of support to choose from:
1. be willing to understand and be supportive, if not possible then
2. try to understand a little bit and be open minded, if not possible then
3. reduce contact, ignore me and leave me alone

And they chose option 3 without giving it much thought. They pretty much said "if we bother you so much we'll just not talk to you much, go ahead and live happily ever after with your dear husband and associate with his family which you approve so much." How can they come to that conclusion when I only tried to explain what autism is to them? And I specifically said it's not their fault.


_________________
AQ score: 44
Aspie mom to two autistic sons (21 & 20 )


Cassia
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 28 Jun 2009
Age: 42
Gender: Female
Posts: 267

03 May 2011, 8:01 pm

:-(

Sorry to hear that.


_________________
Now convinced that I'm a bit autistic, but still unsure if I'd qualify for a diagnosis, since it causes me few problems. Apparently people who are familiar with the autism spectrum can readily spot that I'm a bit autistic, though.


SammichEater
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Mar 2011
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,903

03 May 2011, 8:11 pm

y-pod wrote:
And they chose option 3 without giving it much thought. They pretty much said "if we bother you so much we'll just not talk to you much, go ahead and live happily ever after with your dear husband and associate with his family which you approve so much." How can they come to that conclusion when I only tried to explain what autism is to them? And I specifically said it's not their fault.


Is it just me, or does that sound like something an aspie would say? It is genetic after all.


_________________
Remember, all atrocities begin in a sensible place.


leejosepho
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 Sep 2009
Gender: Male
Posts: 9,011
Location: 200 miles south of Little Rock

03 May 2011, 8:15 pm

y-pod wrote:
I'm very disappointed. I was desperately asking for a bit of understanding ...

They pretty much said "if we bother you so much we'll just not talk to you much, go ahead and live happily ever after with your dear husband and associate with his family which you approve so much." How can they come to that conclusion when I only tried to explain what autism is to them? And I specifically said it's not their fault.

I suspect their hopes or imaginations had been working overtime for a long time, and now they are "giving up" on those things while virtually blind to the "real you", their caring and loving child, right in front of them. Some family counseling might be a really good idea if they are willing.


_________________
I began looking for someone like me when I was five ...
My search ended at 59 ... right here on WrongPlanet.
==================================