Fear of parents disapproval?

Post Reply New Topic

I have an intense fear of making my parents angry/disappointed/disapproving of me. It makes it hard for me to do things that I want to do, for fear of their rejection. It also makes it difficult to find out who I really am - i.e. am I (not) behaving a certain way because of how *I* feel about it, or because of how my parents might feel?

My parents are very religious and raised me in the church. Usually they are very loving and care for me, but...

I have a "phobia" of swearing (cursing/cussing), because when I was little I used to swear a lot, until my parents put pepper in my mouth and made me vomit.

When I was in my early 20's, I wanted to visit a buddhist temple with my friend, but my parents refused to let me go, even locking the door and hiding the key so I couldn't get out. I had no intention of converting to buddhism, I was just curious.

Again in my early 20's, I was struggling with coming to terms with my sexuality. I was absolutely terrified of telling my parents due to how they might react. I was suicidal and my friend had to lend me some of her valium to calm me down. When I told them they didn't kick me out/abandon me or anything like that, but they pretty much reacted like I told them I murdered someone and wanted me to see a "Christian therapist" (I refused).

Recently I wanted to attend a midnight launch of the 3DS, and my dad tried to hide my car keys so I couldn't go, as it was "dangerous" being out that late.

I was planning on going on holiday with my female friend. When my mum found out we would be sharing a hotel room, she said we shouldn't do it as it would be "immoral". Apparantly, she was afraid my friend's boyfriend would be angry. Ofc, she doesn't actually have a boyfriend, and her ex-boyfriend wouldn't have cared, it's not like we would be sharing the same bed..

So I've been thinking of moving out on my own, to get away from their control. I'm still trying to find out about benefits, etc as I couldn't afford to live by myself as I only work part-time, and couldn't really cope with full-time work at the minute.

It's just really difficult for me, because while I love my parents and wuoldn't want to hurt them, it now feels their controlling ways is starting to effect my mental health. Any advice, help, understanding, etc is much appreciated.

Would living with friends or couch-surfing be an option until you find a semi-permanent living situation? Researching benefits is definitely a good idea.

@wavefreak58 I think they just locked the door to the house, not my bedroom.

I live with them because I need their support financially, etc. I also love them as they're my parents, and most of the time they are loving too. Even thinking about moving out, due to these circumstances, is very difficult, because its like admitting that how they treat me sometimes isn't good. I realise it's irrational, but it is what it is.

The idea of living on my own is scary. What if I can't cope? What if I'm lonely, etc, etc.

my mum's a bit of a control-freak too...