Family histrionics and forced medication

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There are so many posts I have wanted to make over the last month or two describing the situation I am in but lacked the energy or access to a comfortable enough computer to write.

Let's just say the tension at my house has been thick enough to cut with a knife, and my dad has rediscovered the finer points of losing his temper in a big way in both public and private places (most recently a CVS).

I hear noises now, it's the middle of the night, and I freeze and prepare all the possible responses to things that my dad could yell at me at any moment. Please don't let him come in here and yell at me. I have all the lights off like he wants, I'll unload the dishwasher before I go to bed, I'll put his chair back, I waited until 2am until he had finished using the computer before I even came out here, I hope he doesn't come in here and yell at me. Isn't it enough that I have to deal with him yelling at me all day? I hate how my body tenses up waiting, I hate how I can't relax around him, and I hate how I am spending my young adult years doing exactly what I spent my entire childhood and teenage years doing while living with my mom: being scared of and trying to think of ways to placate an angry parent. My mom's temper was more predictable, but more cutting. My dad's is much more explosive and volatile, but far less directed. And loud as hell. I am really not sure which is worse. All I know is that I have a memory of being little and slipping on the ice and having my mom yell at me for crying, and having my twin brother stick up for me for once, "Why are you yelling at her? She's hurt." Fast forward ten or fifteen years to age 22. Sitting in the living room, trying to get the courage to ask my dad a question, then making pleasant small talk first and asking lightly "Hey, if you're going to Westbrook already tomorrow, if it's okay, could you drop me off at a metro stop along the way so I can go into Portland?" and having him just look at me and start to say no and have my little brother cut in and say "Dad, she couldn't have asked in a nicer way, she's not inconveniencing us, what's the big deal?"

I appreciate my brother sticking up for me. But it kills me that I have to beg in this way. That nothing has essentially changed, same deal with the other parent now. My dad has made it known how much he dislikes my mom, what he doesn'y seemto realize is how similar to her he has become.
If my mom still lived in Maine, I'd be living with her in a second, her house despite her temper was a much more stable place for me, but she moved to Montana and where she is living now is not a very good place for me, mostly due to its remoteness.

Everything in this house is a big deal, everything becomes a fight and usually an explosive one. Everyone takes sides and blames each other. Little things like grocery shopping and getting turkey to eat for lunch and even buying some body wash in a CVS when we are already there (topic of most recent fight) become huge deals that I often have to use lawyer-ish bargaining skills to get. I am tired of worrying about getting these basic things that I always took for granted. It just seems like nothing I need ever fits into my family's schedule and I have to talk fast to get anything I need, even groceries. It shouldn't be that way.

I have no ally and no control here. My parents have each other. Long after I have fled the main part of the house to avoid my dad after another inevitable fight, I can hear my dad complaining to my stepmom about the latest thing that "I have done." "She took TEN EXTRA MINUTES in the grocery store!! ! She promised she'd be out in ten, and she took twenty!!" Of all the stupid reasons a father could find to be upset with his daughter.

It is a jury of two, strongly biased, and I am the guilty one. Everything I do, every thought I have, every word out of my mouth, every product I buy, even innocuous things I have been buying for years without any problem, are analyzed and scrutinized and usually found fault with. I DID have a life before I came here. I DID get along just fine in the world, with the exception of the chemical sensitivity that ultimately forced me to leave school. I am not the defective person they see me as. I deserve more respect than this. I am not an appendage.

I called my mom tonight, and she basically told me everyone was sick of me. Gee, thanks, Mom. I know she was tired; she's been more supportive lately, and this is an anomaly; but I hate her for it. Sick of me for what? For languishing in a house, trying to do what I'm told and stay out of people's way, but not being able to help that I still have basic needs that need to be met? For the thousandth time if I could find a way to not have any needs and not need any help from people, I would take it in a minute, but I haven't found any way to accomplish this, short of dying, which has always looked appealing and would be considerably more so if it didn't hurt so damn much.

And now on top of all this, medicine is being forced on me. I am told I must take an antipsychotic called Abilify or else I have to leave, and there is nowhere else to really go; I don't think my mom will have me, and that situation would be worse anyway. I agree that I have issues with obsessive thinking and sensory issues and other typical ASD things. But I think I am still fine and functional the way I am and it is the environment that is gettign to me. But they are so obsessed with the med, any time I have made any comment about ANYTHING that is bothering me, no matter how unrelated to what the medicine could possibly do, how small or irrelevant, the response is always "you wouldnt have that problem if you took the medicine." They think this medicine is gonna like turn me into Superwoman or something, they think it's gonna make me perfect or something and erase my every single fault. I resent that they are trying so hard to change me, that the person I have been for 22 years is not good enough.

Not to mention I'm scared to death of the side effects and effects on my personality, but that's another story.

At any rate, the fight over medications has gone on for three months (yes, somehow I have survived living here for three months, I am not quite sure how), and tonight is D-Day of sorts, the night I must start taking the medicine. So wish me luck. I will try to come back here tomorrow night and let you know how it goes, I am praying for no or few side effects, as I am really quite terrified of them, I don't want anythign to interrupt my sleep or make me feel groggy and out of it. But we'll see.

The house is a sensory nightmare, the biggest thing being we have no air conditioning and even in Maine has been an unusually hot and humid summer. The house is hot, humid, loud and smelly, lol, all my favorite things, huh? I never, ever appreciated air conditioning one quarter as much as I should have when I lived at my mom's. At least even at college I could go to the air conditioned library.

Phew, he went to bed. Without much yelling. I have to go to bed soon as it will be sunrise soon, unfortunately. The middle of the night is the only semi-peaceful time of the day.

I have applied for disability from social security, the answer may take 3-5 months, I feel like I cant wait that long but whatever. If I could think of anywhere else to go I would.

A disclaimer, my parents mean well and care quite a bit, I can see this, but they still in my opinion go about everything in the completely wrong way. I know it is a difficult situation for all involved and they are doing what they see as the best they can; I know it could be a lot worse, that I am lucky that I have all my physical needs provided for, I just fear that I will die emotionally. I realize too that at some point I will have to realize that life can't be like it was when I was a kid and I have to "grow up", but I never had a particularly easy life growing up and I can't bear the idea of it getting any worse than that.

Problem is I'm way too functional to sit around the house and do nothing but not quite functional enough to get a job, a place of my own and join the world in the the typical way. It will end up driving me absolutely positively crazy.

Just needed to rant and get that out, any sympathy, acknowledgement, chocolate chip cookies or similar experiences much appreciated.

and im serious about the meds, i hope i dont become dr jekkyl and mr hyde lol wish me luck there.

Thanks
Kate

Abilify? That's not for AS, it's for schizophrenics. Who is prescribing you with this? I think you ought to be speaking about AS with your doctor. What has given him the impression you would benefit from this drug? Does the doctor think you are schizophrenic from what your parents are saying?

You have my sympathy. I've experienced similar things, not as bad as you have it, with my family on holidays, but fortunately I lived on my own since I was 18.

You gotta get out of that house, find a place of your own - somehow. I hope you get a possitive answer from social security - soon!

The meds does not sound like a god idea. I had a friend who took them changed her completely. If you can avoid taking them do, it's just lobotomy.

You really need to get a life on your own - somehow. This and the meds will break you down.

Kate, you really need to move out as soon as you can. I had similar problems with and responses to my father. Things got much better when I stopped having anything to do with him. He's alcoholic, and except for a brief telephone conversation when my mother died, I haven't spoken to him in nearly 20 years. I'm feeling much better now.

I agree with the above posters. If you can still afford to stand up to your parents at all on this matter, do so. Don't let your parents screw with your head.

I am so sorry about what you are going through. I would send chocolate chip cookies if I could. I remember very well being treated much the way you are, clear up into young adulthood.

I think if you try what the others said, especially about finding a way to live apart from these people, you may find that you feel a lot better. Dealing with families who are always critical like that can really hurt your self esteem. You deserve better.

I am so sorry about what you are going through. I would send chocolate chip cookies if I could. I remember very well being treated much the way you are, clear up into young adulthood.

I think if you try what the others said, especially about finding a way to live apart from these people, you may find that you feel a lot better. Dealing with families who are always critical like that can really hurt your self esteem. You deserve better. It sounds like you have been trying very hard to meet them more than halfway.

to the author: i lived in a similar situation when i lived with my mom and her ret*d fat husband. its like you had to be so careful around them otherwise a common everyday activity would become a big fight. i hated that f****r, get out of there if you can

As I sat here reading your post, my heart breaks for you. I don't understand how parents can treat a child like you are being treated. My son has Asperger's. He was not diagnosed until a year ago. Until then, his diagnoses was ADHD and I knew the diagnoses was wrong because the ADHD medications made him very violent. He currently is taking Abilify, 10 mg. It was prescribed to him as a mood stablizer. He has not had any reactions from this medication, in fact I can not even tell that it works on him. I would like to get him off of it or have him prescribed a larger dose. What dose were you prescribed? I hope your life can get straigtened out soon. You do not need all this added stress! Please keep us updated on your life.
God Bless You!
Sharla

Ugh sounds like my situation to a tee, abilfy included
my situation is precarious out on day passes from a state facililty
not totallly discharched though not under commitmant
family hell bent on forcing this stuff on me, under the erroneous assumption that im bipolar, what i am/was something differrent, unique on the planet. parents hellbent on forcing this crap on me
deprived of advacended medium and basic abilities
their offering vague assurances of help( dont know if its reall or not) an not really sure what the situation is

Thanks for all your thoughtful responses.

A woman who is an assistant to a psychiatrist who does medicines for the practice, who seemed intelligent, said that she has seen Abilify help ASD people. I have heard it to be useful for ASD people w/ temper/ anger issues (not me).

To placate them I am giving it a chance but the second I feel myself change or experience side effects beyond what I feel able to cope with I am going off of it. They basically said if I didn't like the side effects I didn't have to take it, although I may find that our definitions of what "tolerable" side effects are differ, but we'll see.

The first day, today - felt a little nasuea when I got up, and felt very tired all day and somewhat disconnected from the world. Not nearly to the level that I was expecting or worried about and had excperienced previously with th Zoloft tho so that is good.

She gave me a 7 day sample kit , 5 mg each.

I am told the Ab. will help with obsessive thinking and sensory issues but doubt it very much have not seen that indicated anywhere, bipolar I have seen ads in magazines adveritis g treatment for that w/ this.

Sharla and hyperion - if you see any effects the Abilify has on you/your son, notice any chances etc if you could please keep me updated so I can see if similar things are happening to me, thanks!

Kate

Good to hear from you Kate, and good to hear that the meds it not so bad.

Do you think your father has AS? Maybe Abilify will help him with his anger/temper. Sounds like it. But don't tell him that, I'm NOT suggesting you ask him to take the meds with you. Lets hope it helps and things quiet down a bit.

Keeps us posted, and know you have people thinking about you!

I looked it up on the net last night and found information that said Abilify would indeed help with obsessive thinking in ASD. It's not an 'official' use for the drug, though.

the dreaded nuero malignant syndrome, and tardive, burns to take, has killed off my bodies abiilitiy to make adrenaline, burns to take, caused me to hear the voice of lucifer, bad sleep made, me suicidal stopped it ct had to, symptons diminshing, have not told anyone, fear of being personaly blamed. still on furlough not totaly free.
feel like 1% of a human being.

egnimatic, can you link to the page you found about it? thanks

so far going ok guess i'll take it for a bit talked to dr who prescribed it today made me feel a little better, still resent dad for making me take it but it could be a lot worse i guess just gotta roll with it.

I agree with MrMark, I know a guy in my AS group who's going through this with his parents (he believes his dad is AS and shows similar behavior to your dads and then some). Moving out will put you in a place where you can live your own life, actually flourish as your own person, and things will change between you and them just because so long as you can find a way to keep yourself financially independent you won't have to talk to them if you don't want to. Being away from them and having control of the situation often enough has a way of changing attitudes over time.