10-Step strategy for Gen Y Aspies

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With all the emphasis out there on handling children with Aspergers, and myself who was born in the '70s, I'd like to impart my wisdom to those in between...born in the 1980s to mid-90s. I've become a successful Aspie professional, married, house, daughter, traveled to various places with great memories...but it came at a lot of tenacity, upset, & as Churchill said "blood, sweat, tears, and toil".

10 is a nice round number, so I have tried to intertwine this 10 tips into a cohesive strategy...what to do right after your diagnosis, (or once you strongly suspect you have AS)

1) Continue seeing a therapist, but just to deal with your negative emotions - therapists will not help that much, in my opinion, for dealing with the social and sensory struggles of Aspergers - they can, however, help you realize that past behaviours and misunderstandings and so forth were not your fault, and that certain people were ignorant or just did not want to get involved with you (the classic example being the school teacher who told little Aspie Johnny's parents that Johnny would not get bullied if only he wouldn't behave 'that way', then naive Johnny started to believe it).

2) See a speech therapist. They can help you immensely with avoiding monotone speech, not speaking too fast or loud, enunciation, etc...there are plenty of speech therapists who specialize in autism even for young adults (I went in 2001-2002 and it worked wonders) - they can even help with non-verbal aspects, such as too much eye contact. I was told that my eye contact was too intense as an overcompensating mechanism, and that I need to alternate once in a while - I practiced with my therapist for a couple of sessions, and she noticed it improved dramatically, as well as hand gestures. I practiced with friends as well and they noticed an improvement (I was lucky to have a handful of friends - if you have only a couple, then try it with your family or family's friends or acquaintances).

3) Segue to the above...practice your speech and facial expression in front of the mirror. Tape record yourself too. Practice for common expressions like "how have you been?" or "what are you up to these days?"

4) Watch a few soap operas, as crazy as that sounds -and pause during the dramatic moments to focus on the body language and facial expressions. This is a technique I found on ehow.com. Because soap opera actors have body language down pat, you can closely analyze cues and anticipate peoples' responses to situations based on changing non-verbal cues (the music should cue you in to when such a moment might take place). By learning patterns through rote memory, you can gradually apply it to your own interactions; this strategy should help overcome the slower processing speed of Aspies for multiple social stimuli coming in at once.

5) Read up on "prescribed" social responses. This very site, wrongplanet.net, contains one thread alone dedicated to prescribed social responses (e.g. when invited to a party, offer to bring something, and if refused only offer a 2nd time then let it go; when going to a job interview, don't put your case on the table). Aspies don't have the same "social reflexes" to pick up on proper responses in a dynamic context, but some of this may be alleviated by knowing the prescribed responses - rely on your large long-term memory and intellectual capacity for thinking "why" these may be so. And, for the more "static" social contexts, such as the invite or interview that you know about well in advance, you can really avoid making mistakes.

6) Physical improvement: join a gym, do martial arts, do fencing even(I did fencing in university before my diagnosis, and it helped a bit). Of course it's highly unlikely you'll be a top gymnast or acrobat - you probably surmised as much from when the cool kids were doing tricks on their skateboards that probably would have sent you to hospital if attempted - but that's OK!!
The point is, these can help you improve your posture and gait - both directly through reinforcing, and indirectly through increased confidence, you can avoid the "sloopy" look. I did martial arts and weightlifting mostly in my mid-late 20s and felt more confident and adroit, I starting getting less comments about appearing awkward or stiff (but still never did quite run or even walk like an NT, I got told that I have a distinctive walk even up to my 30s). If your motor skills or gait are particularly challenged or very noticeable, you might be able to qualify for help with a medical professional who specializes in strokes, head injuries, etc, for walking or picking up objects etc like an NT.

7) Career & vocational counselling - one good resource I found online is Barbara Bissonnette's material - she specializes in Aspergers in the workplace. Sadly true to a stereotype, the best professions due tend to be technical, graphical, analytical, computer programming etc...not that these are bad, on the contrary, but for those of us who might long for more human contact in jobs like sales or hospitality sector, it will probably be short-lived. Also as part of the strategy, leverage what you learned in points 2-5 above for best effect in an interview, if you have a job coach that you can role-play with, it will make things better. The book "Aspergers on the Job" by Rudy Simone (which I have) is a great read.

Volunteer for an Aspie group. This to me is a 2-pronged strategy; one, you can help others (mostly aged less than you) with what you've learned, and feel great about yourself; secondly, you can put it on your resume that you volunteer for an autism association (the employer doesn't need to know that you, yourself are Aspie - unless you want to tell them, but I don't cover disclosure in this strategy).

9) If you are considering dating, look at online advice sites (and refer to your social protocol guide, point #5 above) - and sign up for an online dating site. Practice what you've learned regularly, it may lead to disappointment but my suggestion is that you write down what happened, what was said etc after each date...then look it over, and think about what you would change if anything. Then apply that to the next date. If you are feeling especially confident, make small talk & banter with people of the opposite sex in public areas, such as malls or parks, and try to get their phone number. Note that if you are gainfully employed in something you enjoy, this will be easier for you too - it relieves angst and if you want to take him or her out to a restaurant, you will need money. But don't be too open with your finances too soon! The year before my diagnosis, I made a mistake with this: I went on a first date with a girl, then waited a few days, called her back, and she anxiously asked if she could meet me again. I felt surprised, why wasn't she the one calling me! So I met her the next day; she told me that she was busy, something came up, she can't tell me because it's personal, but she needs to borrow $40 from me, which she would pay back next week. I lent her the $40, called her a week later, no answer. Called again and emailed her a few days later, no answer. Need I say more?

10) Lastly...avoid vexatious people who want to tear you down, either overtly or covertly, the latter of which I call "fake friends" - I've said this in a previous post, you don't deserve to put up with abuse or passive-aggressive behaviour of people pushing your buttons, e.g. intentionally promising something with no desire to follow through, than changing their mind to confuse you...you get the picture. Surround yourself by those you feel good around, I have one friend in particular who plays a great game of Scrabble and my mood always goes up when we get together. Also...since this is an intertwined strategy I'm proposing, you should experience a drop in predators who like to make life miserable for people who are different like us, since your personal improvement based on the 9 points above should mean you are manifesting those "take-advantage-of" signs less. I'm not saying the social predators' behaviour is justified, on the contrary, it's just something we always have to watch for regrettably.