I Had To Convince My Mom I'm Autistic

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For the longest time--ever since I can remember--I've 'felt' autistic. I knew some friends who had siblings who were autistic, ranging from what they call "high functioning" to "low functioning" (I hate these terms) and I felt like I completely related to most/all of their behavior. So, I was suspicious throughout my entire childhood. As recently as two years ago I was given my first diagnosis. Since then, I've been given the diagnoses by 2 more psych doctors. My mom does not understand what Autism means--when I first brought it up I'm pretty sure she associated Aspergers with Down Syndrome. She kept trying to tell me "you're fine, you're just anxious" or even saying "there's nothing wrong with you". I had to work to convince her I was dealing with Aspergers. I brought it up all the time. I tried to give her "fun facts" at random, like "did you know that...?" and I could tell it made her uncomfortable. She's just now starting to understand and support me.

When I look back at my life as a kid, I notice that all my mean teachers and bullies were people who did not understand patience. I was really left out because people labelled me as "weird" or "annoying" or "loud" and then left it at that. Teachers and parents were not sensitive to "weird kids" who actually were all just Aspies.

Knowing this now makes me so bitter and angry at my past and at all the adults that treated me so unfairly when I was young and didn't know what was happening. Trying to convince my mom I am Autistic knocks the wind out of me sometimes. It isn't just her, either. I've met others and even other Aspies who've said "you don't act Autistic enough; you can't do math problems or anything like that" or "You laugh too much to be Autistic, Autistics are usually emotionless", "you cry too much to be Autistic", "you're too empathetic to be Autistic"...dealing with this invalidation from others even in the Autistic community has shaken me.

does anyone else ever feel like you have to explain yourselves to others constantly? do any of you ever have to give proof to others that yea, you actually are autistic?? it hurts me.

Yes. My mother is very likely autistic just like me, and we've had many conversations about it, but she thinks we're both normal. She keeps saying to me, "But everyone does those things!" And I have to tell her that other people don't do those things; because she and I do them, they were normal in our household, but they are not normal for others. She is still not convinced that either of us are autistic.
Also, I told my boss and one coworker about my autism, and I feel like I have to keep proving to them that it is true and not something I am pretending to have. They have never said anything to suggest they doubt me, but I find myself feeling I have to prove it. I think it probably shows more than I am aware of.

I can understand how a mother can not want to admit her child has a difficulty.

As for me, my dad was actually the one who had to convince me i was autistic (well it didn't take much convincing lol) my mom and dad didn't really have an issue accepting my diagnoses, all they said was "....yeah that actually makes sense..."

Dude! I've been SUPER suspicious that my mom has autism too! I think my mom comes from an era though where if you had a disability or known Autism or Bipolar (pretty sure she's bipolar just like me) then you were "not normal" and so if I ever suggest therapy for her or that maybe she might be Autistic she gets really, really angry. I also let everyone know at my work that I'm Autistic, ADHD and Bipolar-I; I did this so that everyone understands that I require a bit more patience and understanding, and I also now feel like I have to "prove" it to my bosses.

Last week an Autistic boy was hired (I work at Starbucks) who had more difficulty with social interactions than I do, but who still was working hard and had a very positive attitude--and this week he was fired because my coworkers complained that he "talked too much" and was "weird" and "annoying" and I ran to the bathroom to cry because I myself felt a pang of embarrassment. I constantly ask in my head, "well, I'm Autistic and my coworkers are my friends, and if I made the same social 'mistakes' as that boy did, they would judge me as well". So every day at work I have this extreme anxiety riding me that if I make too many 'mistakes' or say something too 'weird' people will try to get me fired. I definitely don't get paid enough for that lmao

I'm so glad you understand.

I always have to explain to my family, I get So Sick & Tired of explaining myself. They think they know better than me. My mom was the only one that knew the truth about me.

The last time I mentioned me being possibly autistic to my mother, she simply said, "You were just very sheltered and childlike." I have soooo many symptoms and signs that I'm autistic and yet most of my friends as well as my parents turn a blind eye to it because they don't want to admit that one of their children are "disabled" in some manner, or that their friend is not just seeking attention. I typically have to convince my online friends by actually holding a facetime chat with them. They normally rebound with "Ooooh, NOW I see it! You're so cute!" after watching me rock back and forth and stare off into space while stuttering at them.

The only person close to me who knew from the start was my elder sister, whose son is autistic. Her response when I explained it to her was, "I knew there was always something peculiar about you. "

Some people get it, but often times there are those who do not. I went through the same exact uncomfortable issues with adults growing up. They didn't understand patience, and therefore they grew angry at me or ignored me because they didn't wish to deal with the "strange quite one."

Well that story worries me and makes me feel justified in being quiet and not talking much because I don't want to say the wrong things or be annoying. I did annoy lot of kids in high school with my talking when I was trying to be social and I stayed on topic and didn't talk about my own things I was only into.

How was he weird and annoying do you know?

^yea i know it worried me too :/ well i didn't notice too much because not a lot of how he behaved seemed like anything out of the ordinary for me. the only thing was that it was hard for him to stop talking when he needed to and he'd get distracted easily. i was the same exact way when i was younger--a lot of people i know who are Aspies have told me about how (and it's the same for me) they had to eventually learn to mimick the "proper" ways to go about being social with others (mostly neurotypicals or people who don't understand Aspies)--but before i "learned" to behave like neurotypicals, i was really much the same as this boy who was my co-worker. he was just generally Aspie! somewhat textbook! nothing even bad, not that there would be. but the thing is that people who don't understand Aspies will constantly be weirded out by us because our social interactions aren't like theirs, and their way is the majority. or at least, that's how it seems to me? idk.

what i do know is that i am really good at pretending that i'm not Aspie because i've learned time and time again that it ruins how neurotypical folk think about u. i've lost the respect of past friends, family members that think there's something "wrong" with me and all of that...and i'm constantly in the dark about what people mean when they talk to me because there are a lot of social queues that i pretend to understand but don't :/ being Aspie shouldn't be hard, but other people make it hard.

Yes, it happens a lot. There's many people out there who'll just believe what they want to believe and nothing else. There's nothing you can do about it really. Often they're people who've received either very little education, or are highly educated, self-proclaimed experts on everything. Ideally you just get them as far away from you as possible. People with autism desperately need people that understand them, not people that trivialize/downplay their condition. It's because people are of no help until they first understand your problems. If they don't, or don't want to, they'll just make you feel worse and misunderstood.

Ohhh, that poor boy! Why didn't the manager stand up for him, especially as they KNEW he was autistic??

I used to think my mom was bi-polar before I looked into autism for me (and eventually her). Now I think she was just overwhelmed with raising kids and having a family and she was close to meltdown all the time. Now that everyone's grown and she has space and quiet, she is much more stable and happy.

That is SOOOOO like how I was as a kid! I talked a LOT and loudly, and it seemed like people were constantly telling me to stop talking or to get to the point. Often, I never made my point before they cut me off. I've learned to be more normal now, and I sort of have a 'talk timer' in my head. When I feel myself talking for more than a few seconds, I stop. If the other person is interested in the subject, they'll ask a question or ask me to go on. If not, they have the chance to escape. But I find myself having much longer and better conversations with these people in my head, to myself, after the real conversation has ended.