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Supernova008
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14 May 2011, 10:20 am

I am quite new to these forums, so I'm browsing some threads. One common theme that I notice is that many of the Aspies WANT to be more sociable. I see people lamenting about their poor social skills, boasting how they got new friends, telling how much they would just like to lose their anxiety and pick up social cues to be able to participate in a conversation, etc. Once more, I only suspect that I have Aspergers. However, if I had the chance to become fully NT, I would not do it. Of course, I don't want to be fully isolated, but it's enough for me to have a few aquaintances. Many times when I had the chance to make new friends, I simply chose not to because I could not be bothered. Friendships are too exhausting for me; but the important thing is that I don't really want them to be less exhausting. I would much rather be the rather isolated me that I am now than an extremely sociable NT. Is this just me?



jrjones9933
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14 May 2011, 10:24 am

I like solitude, but I want more choices. I also expect that with better social skills I might enjoy socializing more, and now that I know that I've missed a lot of information, I want to get that information for its own sake.

It's like this: I took a bookkeeping class, and the main thing I learned is that I never want to work as an accountant. It's worth knowing, to my way of thinking.



IceCreamGirl
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14 May 2011, 10:26 am

I used to want to be more social. Now I'm becoming more social.



TenPencePiece
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14 May 2011, 10:41 am

IceCreamGirl wrote:
I used to want to be more social. Now I'm becoming more social.

Same here.

I still value my alone time a lot, but I do enjoy the company of others somewhat.


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MasterJedi
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14 May 2011, 10:42 am

Do you even want to be more social?

yes.


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14 May 2011, 10:59 am

Supernova008 wrote:
One common theme that I notice is that many of the Aspies WANT to be more sociable.


http://taoofautism.blogspot.com/2010/08 ... e-you.html

As far as being social... I don't mind being around people, especially autistic people, some of the time. But I do like being alone most of the time.

I think that people that really like being alone but want more friends are responding to societal pressure. At the very end of "A Wonderful Life," there's a message that says "No one is a loser who has friends" (I think... though if that's not the exact words, that was the point... which is the reason why I don't like AWL). The media likes to present us with the idea that, the more friends you have, the better person you are.

That's not the case at all. Well, just read the link.


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Bloodheart
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14 May 2011, 11:04 am

I want to be more sociable.

I can get along fine on my own and do need a lot of time on my own, but certainly I would like to be a lot more sociable - my ideal situation would be to have a few core friends, but also a lot of acquaintances to spend time with where I can just be around others but don't have to get fully involved in whatever social activity they're participating in - I like being around people, but don't quite understand socialisation.


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Whatsherhame
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14 May 2011, 11:22 am

No, I don't.

I've a few good friends and now even kind of a boyfriend. I did all that without bending myself to the the societal pressures over having the right number of friends(five or less seems to make other kids my age scoff), or the 'right' friends (the ones that make the adults around feel good about themselves and their pseudo-parenting abilities).

I'll give you an example: My best friend is a youth criminal. No, I don't mean some vandalizing kid from the bad side of town with a broken family(though he does have one), I mean honestly down-to-the-bone rotten. Even though he is kind of a crook he's still the first person I ever had outside of family they never bullied me and never sought to put me in harms way. Plus, he uses the fact that half the neighbourhood is afraid of him to scare away bullies and creeps from both him and me. So, even though he's not the most socially acceptable choice as a friend I wouldn't betray my loyalty just to make people feel better. He's done a lot of good deeds for me, and I have no reason to act snobbish and leave.

My choice of friends and other things have made me not very sociable, but I wouldn't want to be more sociable because I am already social enough, thank you very much. Societal norms be damned.



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14 May 2011, 11:36 am

Nope, I've become too darn social for my liking lately. I somewhat miss my hermit days... :(


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resfirestar
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14 May 2011, 11:37 am

I want to be able to make that choice on a case-by-case basis. Right now I can't really converse well, so when I want to hang out with some people it doesn't go well. I just want to develop better social skills so I can have a few friends.



yellow-eyeballs
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14 May 2011, 11:59 am

Of course I'd like to be, but I'm pretty shy and in my case, I find people are best in small doses, so to speak.



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14 May 2011, 12:31 pm

Supernova008 wrote:
I am quite new to these forums, so I'm browsing some threads. One common theme that I notice is that many of the Aspies WANT to be more sociable. I see people lamenting about their poor social skills, boasting how they got new friends, telling how much they would just like to lose their anxiety and pick up social cues to be able to participate in a conversation, etc. Once more, I only suspect that I have Aspergers. However, if I had the chance to become fully NT, I would not do it. Of course, I don't want to be fully isolated, but it's enough for me to have a few aquaintances. Many times when I had the chance to make new friends, I simply chose not to because I could not be bothered. Friendships are too exhausting for me; but the important thing is that I don't really want them to be less exhausting. I would much rather be the rather isolated me that I am now than an extremely sociable NT. Is this just me?


Yes. I love people. I love the idea of people. I try to be around them, as there is a certain level of comfort to it (though often some anxiety prior to it). Generally, I'm just too quiet for people's comfort, I don't talk enough. I rarely get invited back to community/neighborhood things. I just don't jive with people, I guess.



jcq126
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14 May 2011, 12:45 pm

Honestly, I use to be like all "ohhhh why can't I be like everyone else and want to be in big groups of people laughing and being all "cool" and all feeding off each others energy" but then I realized that I don't even want that. I don't want to be one of those people, I enjoy being independent and not having to really on others to validate myself. I love being me, it's everyone else that I wish would piss off lol.



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14 May 2011, 12:47 pm

No, I don't. I barely have any sort of social life as compared to most people, but I'm totally fine with that. It's enough for me.


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14 May 2011, 12:47 pm

I never want to be more social, it's to draining.


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14 May 2011, 12:56 pm

I would like to be more social. Actually, I'm a loner, and I like to be alone most of the time. My problem lies in my inability to talk to people without giving the impression that I'm arrogant/uninterested. Networking is a very useful skill that I should learn.

My desire to be more social is actually more linked to my ambitions than to loneliness.