Self diagnosed Aspie: Was I wrong?

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Hey all.

For a few years now I've considered myself as having AS. Most of the basic descriptions of what life is like for an AS person is just how my life is. I have learned to adapt to a lot of the difficulties though, so its not as severe as it once was. I can function in a social setting (if surrounded by people I relate to), and I pick up on certain obvious nonverbals (she's upset, he's happy).

I scored 41 on this test.

And pretty high on this test with these results.
I forgot my actual score for that one, I think it was 130 out of 200 or something, and the test said I was "very likely an aspie".

I'm married and 40 years old. I have a 3 year old daughter. My wife used to be supportive about my AS, but we've been having some marital issues recently and she has decided that I am deliberately selfish and do not have AS. I've been doing some research on things like the difference between AS and narcissism, and I definitely fall into the AS camp and am not like the NPD person at all. I can't stand the spotlight (excessive attention) and have no desire to manipulate people.

One thing bugs me though. Its Gillberg's Criteria for Asperger's Disorder.
According to him, to have AS you need motor clumsiness. I'm not so sure about this. I drive very well (and very fast and accurately when I want to). I type 80+ wpm. I play first person shooters pretty good but not as good as my friends. I don't have any trouble walking although when I was in high school I had a self-conscious gait and sometimes people have said I walk funny but not really anymore. I can catch a ball most of the time, but nothing like a person who plays sports. I imagine that's just practice. I don't really notice any significant motor problems, and have been told that I have fairly good "muscle memory" like when you get used to doing something a certain way you can do it extremely well. It does take me some time to reach that point sometimes, but I just figured that's normal. I even moved to Australia from the US about 5 months ago, and learned to drive on the left side of the road fairly quickly. Got used to it in about 2 or 3 weeks. So I'm really wondering about this motor clumsiness thing, and if it disqualifies me from having AS all by itself. Check out the results of the test and that graph kind of shows which areas I'm more Aspie-like than others. The intellectual stuff, most certainly. The physical stuff, not so much.

What do you all think? Can you help me determine if I truly have AS? I don't want to spend the $3000 on a psychologist for an official diagnosis, but I really need to be able to say with certainty to my wife and our marriage counselor that I have AS and that its legitimate, and I'm not just making excuses for my unusual behavior.

Thanks

NOTE: I had to remove all the links from my post because the forum won't let me post links until I have 5 posts made.

I have now updated the post with links included. Please click on the link for the test results and see if you think that indicates genuine Aspie traits.

Last edited by Recon on 24 Nov 2010, 5:21 am, edited 1 time in total.

hmmmm good muscle motor cordination, kind of a big thing in AS..


You probably are just kind and introverted, your wife and your problems tho, just admit it to her, be like YEA SO WHAT IM NOT AN ASPIE IM SELFISH

see what she says

Dont make excuses for being yourself, she most lickly dosent, and NTs 99 percent of the time sure dont,.

I don't intend to be selfish though. I'm usually pretty shocked when accused of being self centered. I have a sincere desire to enrich other people's lives by sharing the things I'm interested in, and usually miss the nonverbal cues where they are sick of hearing about it. I have no desire to be selfish and wish to be considerate towards others, but often fail at it despite my efforts.

Perhaps some more info for you:

I have severe difficulty multitasking and tend to get obsessively focused on one thing for a very long time.
I have a very narrow list of foods I like. I more often reject a food for its texture than its taste. I hate most "mixed" foods (casserole, soup, etc) and have always been this way.
I tend to wear the same clothes all the time.
I notice small details most people ignore.
Certain music styles are very emotive for me (help me express emotion) where I might not be able to express it without the music.
Certain specific little things people do really bother me, like leaving lights on when they leave the room. I know its petty but it bugs me.
I feel much more comfortable in dim light than bright light.
Background noise is very distracting when I'm trying to concentrate, especially background conversations.
Songs I don't like get stuck in my head too easily if I happen to hear them.
I get real nervous when put into a situation I'm not familiar with.
I have no clue what emotions others are feeling by looking at them.
I can't hold eye contact while talking to people, and being stared at makes me extremely uncomfortable.
I have a very hard time taking an interest in things other people are interested in if they aren't already topics I like.
As a child, I was a social outcast, and did not understand what it took to be accepted by others.
I take almost everything literally, and have difficulty with sarcasm and hyperbole.
I can solve logic problems quicker than most, but interpersonal and subjective situations are very difficult.
I don't feel "introverted" I enjoy having good friends, but they usually get annoyed with my unintentional quirks. This is painful because I desire to fit in but have to "fake it" most of the time.
Back in school I used to get A's and B's in subjects I like and D's and F's in subjects I really did not like. I very rarely did "average". The teachers didn't know what to do with me so they put me in "special ed" with the slow kids and troublemakers. This was in the 80's so they didn't have as much understanding as now regarding people who are not like everyone else.

Yea that list does seem very aspie like, I tried to end my relationship when i thought me AS was getting between me and my GF i told her to move and and leave me if she couldent accept my ways, but she decided to stay


but as for you, you do have a child with her, makes the dynamics waaayy different, if she wants out tho, dont stop her, you have to turn to hookers unless your good at bagging women.

You don't have to have poor motor skills to have AS.
You do sound like you have AS. You've obviously made a lot of progress in your life. Good work.

There is a long long list of aspies whose motor skills are fine. Many are actors, musicians, even dancers and models.

I think there will soon be a recognised condition stemming from the pain and confusion surrounding the ambiguity of "have i got it or have I not"........for some only the brain scan in the coming years will offer the clarity they need to move forward.

My life has radically changed since I was dx 4 years ago at the age of 42.......after 42 years of fitting myself around the needs of others, I am learning to express my needs and this can come across as selfish.......this is ok, as I face a choice, to accept depression and anxiety or accept disapproval from others for being myself.....i choose the latter at my peril.

I am curious........what is your handwriting like? Mine is crap but all other motor skills are excellent.

Hans Asperger noted a visible degree of clumsyness in the children he observed, however that was never incorporated into the DSM-IV as part of the diagnostic criteria, and I have read studies calling clumsyness as an AS trait into question.

However I myself have motor and coordination issues, which are almost very similar to a very mild cerebral palsy and for which I've had nerve conduction tests.

I can catch a ball, type fairly quickly, as fast as 80 wpm at one point in my life, am also told I have good motor memory, can thread a needle, and am actually quite good at some things that require good hand-eye coordination.

But, I have difficulty coordinating myself in crowds of people. I have a difficult time syncing my movements with them, anticipating their movements and simultaneously controling what I'm doing. In large groups of people of three or more, I tend to fall towards the back. I have great difficulty tying an apron behind my back and braiding my own hair. I cannot french braid my own hair, put it in a bun, or do anything two it really other that wash it, brush it, and put it in a pony tail. If I'm holding multiple objects in one hand, I cannot identify those objects individually and independently manipulate them. I can't dance, and I'm slow to get things into and out of my carry case. It took me over a year to ride a bike and I couldn't walk until I was almost 2.

I tend to fit profiles attributed to those with AS, that are not part of official diagnostic criteria. For example, I do have a very high verbal IQ and other traits indicative of certain neurological anomalies attributed to those with AS in various research studies.

My coordination difficulties generally are not visible to others though, as I'm accustom to my limitations, though I do occasionally get asked why I never style my hair (because I can't!).

I suspect that Hans Asperger observed a group of children who had specific neurological issues that some who meet the DSM-IV criteria do not have.

In fact, many diagnosed today probably deviate in neurological makeup from those children that Hans Asperger observed.

There is such spectruming in neuropsychiatric disorders because they are diagnosed and defined based on outward manifestations. But many things in medicine manifest outwardly in an identical fashion when they have different pathologies and causes. In medicine, there are usually physical tests to distinguish one cause from another.

It is only in recent decades that we have been able to examine the living brain though. If you were to do a large, well funded, cutting edge brain imaging and genetic study on people with AS and autism, you will probably find grouping, and some groups may have an entirely different disorder and pathology than the others.

My handwriting is crap as well. Especially cursive. Never could get the hang of it. The only thing I ever write in cursive is my signature. Printed handwriting I can do but its not very neat and I tend to arbitrarily throw in capital letters as I write. Typing is such a gift of this age.




Wow, I find that an extraordinarily immature attitude. You can't be serious. The value of a marriage is based on more than convenience or sex. We are 100% committed to our marriage unlike so many in the world. Why would you even assume a married man would even consider such things? Unless you were being sarcastic and I totally missed it?

Your post has so many analogies with my position. Your symptoms are very like mine. I have never been the best at sports but I wouldn't say I suffer from "motor clumsiness". I'd say I was pretty much average. My wife used to complain often that I was purposely selfish and uncaring. That has never been the case and I too am very hurt if I am so accused, particularly if I have missed something that an NT would have been likely to notice. I have very similar results on the test graph; very AS on the intellectual stuff and not so much on the Physical stuff. And, I am having marital issues at the moment, made worse by my wife’s realization that I am AS.

At school. I used to do very well at most subjects, particularly maths and the sciences. I failed miserably at descriptive subjects such as English Literature. While I can appreciate a good poem for its patterns and rhymes, I can't analyze one to get to the heart of what the author was thinking. I could never get into the head of the poet. If an analysis was explained to me it seemed like common sense, but I could not do it myself. I grew to dislike that type of subject and concentrated on the things that I was good at.

AS is not the same for everyone, we will all have a different place on the spectrum. I have managed to get through life with AS very well, possibly because of my AS. I have a full social life (even though I don't talk much) and a good secure job but I live in a different world to those closest to me.

I am also undiagnosed. My wife first suspected that I was AS after we discovered that our 9 year old daughter was AS. The way that I am all fits into place now. My own acceptance that I was AS seems to have affected my wife and our relationship very badly. My wife now feels that there is no hope for her as she needs the emotional links that my AS prevents me from understanding.

If your wife can live with you in the knowledge that you are AS then you may need to fork out the $3000 for a diagnosis to get the proof. However, your wife should realize that knowing for certain you are AS will not change the person that you are. She will also know that you are a good person. Otherwise she would not have married you.

You state that you are seeing a councilor. Perhaps you need to find a councilor that has experience of AS relationships. (If you know of one in Hong Kong, let me know). Your AS is part of the way that you are. I wouldn't have thought that you could address the difficulties that you are facing without finding ways that you can both understand, face up to and deal with your particular variety of AS.

Thank you BassMan for your reply. I actually had to do a double-take on your post to see if I wasn't reading a post I myself made, its so amazingly parallel to my story. I totally related to your story about school subjects. My most dramatic example was 8th grade English class. One year of English, with the same teacher. First semester was English Composition. Aced it. Second semester: English Literature. Failed miserably! Same story as you. I could not get my mind into that subjective stuff.

As for counseling, well I'm not seeing a "professional" counselor. Its important to us that our counselors share our values in life, which don't really match those of the professionals. Otherwise we would certainly be steered wrong in advice about marriage. They are friends and believe the same way we do about life, and we share our lives together as well as help each other out with our personal struggles. They are people who have been through struggles like ours and have overcome the challenges and now lead very successful marriages with healthy families. Its a good community of very accepting people. They just happen to not have any experience with AS so I'm having to fill them in on how it works. But before getting too deep into that, I need to know if I was right in my self diagnosis, hence this thread.

Hello Recon

Your traits seem very Aspie to me too. Most people with AS don't have all the traits, and the traits they have in common are different for each person, I mean for some it is more obvious then others. As Bassman said "AS is not the same for everyone, we will all have a different place on the spectrum.".

There is also the fact that some of the characteristics can become less obvious as a person gets older, and/or after "working" on some issues sometimes they seem to disappear or become a lot less noticeable.

In my opinion (I am not a doctor, this is just how I feel about it) motor clumpsiness should only be considered one of the possible traits, not a required one to decide on a diagnosis. And even when clumpsiness exists, again it is not the same for everyone. My clumpsiness for example, wouldn't be obvious to someone who doesn't know me well and/or who is not around me much, for me it means I fall more often then most people, I drop things, etc, for my stepson it shows more in the way he runs and holds his hands when he walks. I think it will be a mistake to make clumpsiness essential for a diagnosis because it will leave a lot of people who have many of the other traits causing some issues in their life, without a diagnosis (because they wouldn't fit in the other autism classifications) while they may need one. You mentioned driving, again my stepson and I are different on that level, I have difficulty with distances and sometimes I "space-out" (I was the kid always "in the moon" in class lol), so I really don't like driving, my stepson on the other hand seems to be doing fine and is a pretty good driver. However he has many many of the other characteristics, and I doubt he would fit in any of the other autism spectrum classifications.

Unfortunately tho, all we can do here is give you our opinion and tell you if we think you seem to have Aspergers or not, it is not a diagnosis. Maybe it would be worth the $3000 if you think it can save your marriage. Or maybe if you write down all your Aspie characteristics, and find a few websites where they describe AS traits, and then show it to your wife so she can compare with yours. From your description I think that even if you were not diagnosed with AS, you would still certainly be somewhere on the autism spectrum (if I judge by your test results).

Good luck no matter what you decide.

Shadi


p.s. As I read your post it reminded me of an article I read a few days ago too, about neurogenesis (article here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-david- ... 77163.html ), maybe it is what happens sometimes, that would explain how some issues may disappear.

I'm 38 with a 9 year old daughter, much like you in situation. I'm told I was very clumsy when I was younger, later I did develop really good fine motor skills but that's not that important. My daughter is on the spectrum so my wife has done a lot of research into autism, she accepted my symptoms as being pretty obvious and explained much of the previous 10-15 years we'd been together. I've got one advantage over you in that she understands why, but it only goes so far. I don't know if she has looked into it much herself but it should make sense to her after looking into if for a while.

This won't always fix things. My wife's understanding only goes so far, it's not unlike other relationships, ups and downs and irritations. Just like me knowing why I might be acting a certain way doesn't always help me stop it, or help my daughter when I see the same behavior. My frustration with my daughter is the same as my wife's is with me, even though I understand the reason it's still irritating.

One step will be understanding the problem, the harder step is working on and controlling unwanted behavior the best you can. I wish you the best of luck.

I have excellent motor skills when it is an intensely focused activity. But When I am not actually thinking about my movement, I bump into walls and stuff.

Same here. My fine motor skills are fairly good. I'm a decent sketch artist and my handwriting is actually quite legible. On the other hand, walls, poles, furniture, car doors and other inanimate objects frequently jump out in front of me.

I'm getting the impression from your comments that the Gillberg criteria is to be taken lightly and isn't a true indication of whether someone has AS.

Thank you all for your input. I think you're also correct in that an AS diagnosis, while helpful, won't "fix" anything. I'm ok with that, but I really do need to establish it as fact that I have AS because my wife and counselor are good people, and if they understand that having AS means an inability to do certain things, then I am not being merely rebellious or uncooperative. This distinction alone is critically important because the whole point of marriage counseling is to help the husband and wife learn to put the others needs before their own. I am wanting and willing to do this, but in certain specific instances I am simply unable to read what those needs are. A marriage is a complete union of two people, and what hurts one hurts both. What benefits one benefits both. I'm supposed to love her unconditionally, but the expression of this love may look very different coming from someone with AS.

Having AS out in the open means effort will be put in to teach my wife to be gracious toward me in this area, realizing that I cannot help but be this way, and that if she has a need that I'm not picking up on intuitively, that she may need to use more direct means to let me know what it is. Having AS also presents an additional layer of complexity to repairing character flaws because things which are being done deliberately wrong by myself still need to be addressed. Not every behavior of an AS person is because of AS. Some things we simply misbehave in. The challenge is separating the misbehaviors from the disability. I can't hide behind my AS and use it to justify things which I do indeed have control over (I think many who have AS do this - you know who you are). There's too much psychological excuse-making going on in this world, and having a neurological condition is not carte blanche license to misbehave. Find the parameters of your condition and don't make more of it than it is. However... my wife and counselor should not dismiss my AS, saying that I must do this or that which I am unable to do. It goes both ways. One cannot expect an AS person to act outside of his limitations. And once this is on the table, counseling should go much more smoothly.

Go to a doctor to get a diagnosis. It's hard to diagnose you over the Internet.