be quiet people dislike you; make an effort get made a fool

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aspardon
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24 May 2011, 6:05 pm

So I started a new part tiem job doing deliveries.

At 1st i pretty much qas quiet and kept to myself, some chefs and waitress talk to me etc...I talk back but not much.

Well I sense cold vibes from staff as few weeks pass and I never talk. they prob think im arogant or whatever?

So, then I start to be social and make efforts. Obviously due to aspergers or wahtever I come across as retarted and stuff.

Now, last time I was there chef asking me stuff liek when I last got sex, wiatress asks me if Im gay and stuff.

WTF, in fututre Im just gonna keep my mouth shut. So people wont like me. FECk them, Id ratehr be distant and cold than open and retartded and then made a fool off.



SammichEater
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24 May 2011, 6:10 pm

Exactly. It's the story of my life.


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aspardon
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24 May 2011, 6:16 pm

SammichEater wrote:
Exactly. It's the story of my life.


so what we to do?

I think im just gonna be quiet...rather be disliked than made a fool off tbh



androbot2084
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24 May 2011, 6:20 pm

Just tell them that you are fine just the way that you are and that you do not care what they think.



aspardon
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24 May 2011, 6:24 pm

androbot2084 wrote:
Just tell them that you are fine just the way that you are and that you do not care what they think.


no but I mean if im quiet they never say much to me but kinda act like cold with me like Im aroggant or something

BUT if I open up and be my real asperger self they alwasy mnake fool out of me as they obviosuly realise im not fully NT and think easy to make fool off.

So, IMO id ratehr just be quiet in future. I can be asperger in my house with my dog and whatever. In public im just gonna be cool and quiet nd if i look arogant so be it



CockneyRebel
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24 May 2011, 6:38 pm

I've dealt with the same things, myself. It gets to be very annoying.


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24 May 2011, 9:10 pm

I'm usually quiet too, but I try to smile a lot and be helpful and friendly at every chance that presents itself. People seem to stay pretty warm to me when I do this. I think it makes them realize I'm just quiet and not unfriendly or anything.


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kt24
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25 May 2011, 1:17 am

Used to bug me too- until I came across this

"Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind".

Kind of sums up my approach really. My family and friends don't care (and still love me) if I'm weird, and those who have a problem with it don't matter at all to me. In a way, it's not my problem.
With work, the only thing that matters is that I do my job properly and don't get the sack- so have to change myself a bit.



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25 May 2011, 1:44 am

You know that what they're doing can be considered harassment in the workplace, right? You have every right to talk to your manager about it and they have every obligation to make sure it stops.

Have you actually met with the manager and explained that you have AS? That usually helps a lot, if the person is understanding and accommodating. They can also be your go-between for you and the staff. The staff is more likely to obey and respect the manager's explanation, too, as well.


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aspardon
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25 May 2011, 8:17 am

kt24 wrote:
Used to bug me too- until I came across this

"Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind".

Kind of sums up my approach really. My family and friends don't care (and still love me) if I'm weird, and those who have a problem with it don't matter at all to me. In a way, it's not my problem.
With work, the only thing that matters is that I do my job properly and don't get the sack- so have to change myself a bit.


good point I dont give a f what they think of me. Id ratehr they disliked me than made a fool off me.

Now on at work I work and thats all.,



aspardon
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25 May 2011, 8:18 am

Zokk wrote:
You know that what they're doing can be considered harassment in the workplace, right? You have every right to talk to your manager about it and they have every obligation to make sure it stops.

Have you actually met with the manager and explained that you have AS? That usually helps a lot, if the person is understanding and accommodating. They can also be your go-between for you and the staff. The staff is more likely to obey and respect the manager's explanation, too, as well.


the managers a bit OTT friendly gay guy and hes the worst....Always making jokes about sausages and 10 inchers and stuff. Its practially the way 50% of the staff are like just on about sex and stuff.

Now on I just gonna sit in the car when there is no pizzas aint gonna socialise with any off them



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25 May 2011, 8:26 am

I found that you need to be careful about hostile feelings. People tolerate 'friendly' eccentricity better than grumpy eccentricity. Constantly projecting a 'f**k the world' aura leads to further isolation. A more neutral or positive stance gives more space. This doesn't make the jerks of the world any less jerky. But it does allow the more tolerant people (they do exist) a chance to accept you as different, but not in a bad way.


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aspardon
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25 May 2011, 8:57 am

wavefreak58 wrote:
I found that you need to be careful about hostile feelings. People tolerate 'friendly' eccentricity better than grumpy eccentricity. Constantly projecting a 'f**k the world' aura leads to further isolation. A more neutral or positive stance gives more space. This doesn't make the jerks of the world any less jerky. But it does allow the more tolerant people (they do exist) a chance to accept you as different, but not in a bad way.


thing is in reality. I have little to no deisre to talk with people. So, I guess why should I care if they like me or not? Well I dint like the feeling in the reatatunt and the chef was always rude to me when I came to get pizzas. hed always be real rude.

So sicne I start talking to him about Italy and soccer etc...hes always real nice and even gives me some free pizza and other things....

SO, it makes a huge difference. And I get on with him fine.

However, the problem is the others that are mocking me or sex talk.

SO maybe now I have an idea of all the people at work I pick and choose who and how I talk to them....The italian guy I can continue friendly with he turned out a cool dude. the others well I will go back to ignoring them