Went to the ER because it felt like I was having a heart attack (palpitations, chest pains) but they said I was fine and it was anxiety. They sent me to a psychologist and psychiatrist. I'm thinking about giving this letter to my psychologist:
Quote:
Why I think I'm on the autism spectrum (asperger's syndrome):
I do these weird repetitive hand movements nearly all the time. Doing such things helps me concentrate. I do them when I'm stressed, but also when I'm excited and happy, or when I'm just thinking deeply about things as well. It's really very strange, and there is a few variations but they are all repetitive. Some of my earliest memories involve these repetitive hand movements. I've been to autism sites and showed others a video of myself doing these things and the people on there say do the same things and they call it "stimming."
I also walk around in circles a lot, or in repetitive figure-8-like patterns over and over; it helps me think. But I also do the "stimming" hand movements while walk in these repetitive circuits.
I do these things when I'm happy, or in deep thought, but when I become really stressed it starts to become uncontrollable. I tend to rock back and forth a lot when I'm stressed out; sometimes I do it when I'm deep in thought too (but not as much as the other "stimming").
It seems like I also get overstimulated when I'm not in a quiet environment where there is a lot of people. It's REALLY hard for me to communicate in these environments. It feels like I can't think when there is a lot of noise/conversations or things going on. It's just really hard for me to communicate with lots of noise/things going on.
Looking people in the eyes makes it very hard for me to concentrate and communicate as well. I can talk better when I'm looking at the ground or away from the person I'm talking to.
Socially I just don't feel like acting social comes naturally at all, I don't know what to do and it gives me anxiety, especially in noisy/hectic environments like super-markets, or in large groups. I feel like a fish out of water socially, I wish being social came naturally to me but it's never been the case in my life. After an hour or two of being "social" it feels like I need to be by myself in a quiet environment. I'm not sure if this has to do with being "overstimulated" but it does seem like it could be.
I repeat words and phrases quite a bit too. Short phrases. When I used to work at the library when people used to greet me sometimes I would repeat what they told me and I thought that was weird. I tried to stop doing it but it was involuntary. But mostly I just repeat the words/short-phrases I'm saying or thinking about. Sometimes short segments of songs stick in my head for days or a couple of weeks, not the whole song just the same short segment. Walking in circuits, "stimming" and repeating words or repeating short segments of songs stuck in my head is kind of fun, and I've been doing this for years alone in my room.
I've also taken 6-8 tests from wrongplanet.com autism website and I score pretty high on every single test I have taken; they all say I'm probably on the spectrum. I don't have the results any longer but would have no problem taken tests for it again. I used to watch the weather channel for about 5 hours a day in the summer time when I was around 7 years old, it was was hard to stop. Sometimes I feel similar when I work on surveys online; it's hard to stop and I'm doing surveys for 12-16 hours a day sometimes. I kind of had a problem stopping playing chess too, I would play it for 8-12 hours a day sometimes too while in grad school. But that autism forum showed that people on the spectrum fixated on the weather channel as well (I'm not sure why).
My parents also took me to a child psychologist when I was 3 or 4 years old. I'm not really sure why, I just remember playing in a sandbox with some toys. But they probably thought something could be wrong with me or they wouldn't have taken me.
There might be some things I'm missing, but I really think I'm on the spectrum to some degree, and I'm somewhat skeptical that anything can be done about it (maybe I'm wrong).
Do you think this is an OK letter? I just don't want to be involuntarily committed because I'm too honest LOL.
30 Sep 2012, 9:35 pm
