Talking to your family about Asperger's/Autism

Post Reply New Topic

Have you talked with your family about Asperger's or Autism? How did they react?

I was diagnosed 2 weeks ago and I'm still not sure if I should tell my family. I'm not good at predicting how they will react to things, and I don't want to have any conflict. Also, I'm not sure that I want my Dad to know, because I read that a parent in their 70's would find it hard to accept. I don't want my Dad to feel guilty or to start questioning himself (he's very similar to me).

I want to feel less isolated with this. I also want my family to understand me better. But, I don't want anybody to start pitying me or arguing with me. I really don't know what to do

I think it would help if I knew about other people's experiences. Also, any advice is very welcome.

Being able to open up about ur diagnosis is the 1st step of takibg control of it.

I found myself in the same position a few weeks back. What i did was to have my dad sit down and read "dude im an aspie". Yes i was worried of the response but i think we have become closer for it being out in the open.

You're right, I probably should be more open about it. I'm just not sure how yet


It's great that you and your Dad are closer now. It sounds like it was a good idea to show him the book. I'm not sure my Dad would react in the same way though. My Dad tends to turn every conversation around to himself, so I think he would make my diagnosis about him. I'm not sure he would be able to deal with that.

Despite the fact that my dad was there when I got the diagnosis, my family still won't let me even bring it up in our house without spitting it back at me and calling it bull-shit.

That must be tough... I am going through the process of thinking about how to tell my kids, luckily my wife is 100% in the know... but she is also a victim in all this. Now I know what we both are facing, i feel strength to tell anyone. My wife and I have suffered terribly, neither of us managed to understand why until the penny dropped about my aspergers. She and I are licking our wounds, as they are still very fresh, telling the kids (18 and 21) will be a big help in healing my very broken marraige. The kids have suffered enough.

Sounds like your family is in complete denial. I can't imagine how tough that must me. If I do tell my family, I hope they are more supportive.

I'm glad you finally have some understanding about the problems you and your family have been facing. I hope it helps heal your marriage. I can see that being open with your family about Asperger's can be a good thing.

Oh, and welcome to Wrong Planet!

My cousin (who you can think of in place of my father, since he raised me after I lost my parents) had to answer questions about me, so he knew already. It didn't have any effect on him though, but he's always been understanding and respectful of my limitations for the most part. But, of course, he's not in the same position to take responsibility for it, so my experience probably isn't much help.

Tell one family member at a time so you can handle them peice by peice in ways specific to each one, don't gather them all around and tell at once or you'll have a mess.

Don't dismiss your experience, Zen. It's reassuring that there are families that are unaffected by their relative's diagnosis, and that can be understanding and respectful. I hope I have a similar experience.

Thanks for the advice Phonic. I will definitely be following it. I did think about telling them all at once, but I sometimes go mute if there's more than a few people, or if there's conflict - so, I think you're right about it getting messy.

I'm in the process of diagnosis now. If I am diagnosed then I will be writing a letter to each member of my close family that I interact with regularly explaining that I have Asperger's and what this means. I will then suggest places that they can look up more should they so wish.

Welcome to Wrong Planet BasilSquire

Good luck with your diagnosis. I like your idea of writing letters to your family if you are diagnosed.

With my family, I phoned each of them separately. I talked to them about Asperger's in general terms, but what I should have done was tell them how it affects me as an individual. None of them have talked to me about it since, so I think they might be uncomfortable talking about it. I still don't know how to talk about how it affects me, because I find it very hard to talk about myself with other people. I don't know if I'm talking about things in the right way. I'm just glad I have Wrong Planet to do that on!

I got diagnosed a couple of years ago and I still haven't managed to tell my family, despite them having been making good natured jokes about my oddly wired brain since I was a kid. Brought up the subject once in a round-about way and my dad said 'Yes, but that's not like you though, I mean, you can function and interact with other people, so you can't be autistic.' So I just left it at that. I figure it's probably not worth the trouble...

Welcome to Wrong Planet Tao

I read a post you left on a similar thread, and I think you're right not to tell your family if you don't feel like it's the right thing to do right now.