Autism and resisting change

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Here's a thing I'm trying to get my head round.

I've noticed there was a surge of posts at one point from people who felt that they had learned to adapt and change their behaviours so that they became more normal (for want of a better word) or acceptable to those around them as they got older and didn't manifest such strong aspergers type behaviours in their everyday life.

However, I've noticed posts from people saying that they are sick of others, especially parents, trying to change them and wish they could be left alone to do what they please.

I find it interesting that there are such different experiences.

When I was a teenager people who knew about autism or who had autistic relatives could look at me and know that I was autistic to some degree. It took me a long time to work out how to behave socially. It took me a long time to make real strong friendships which I have now. The weird thing is though that I had the aptitude to learn from my mistakes, whereas I have autie friends who haven't and now they irritate me because they refuse to adapt. (Don't judge me, I'm just being honest).

I didn't have guidance from my parents who I now realise are autistic themselves. Especially my mother. She is the sort that wants to be left alone and refuses to change. Although she has changed the way she dresses and she doesn't look like a hippy anymore and people find that easier to deal with. She has noticed that people treat her differently because she dresses normally now. A little change can be a good thing.

I don't understand this resistance to change or the anger towards those who try to offer advice to help you fit in. The more I have learned about how to interact with people, the happier I am. I wish that there had been someone to guide me as a teenager.

I think that when we are young and idealistic we hope that everyone else would change and become more accepting so that we can remain as we are.

As we become more mature we realize that compromise can be a better option.

I was fortunate enough to have a very close friend or two who forced me to change here and there by threatening to not hang out with me if I didn't do otherwise.

Of course, I did resist them, but in the end, I valued their company more than my own comfort, at least in the short run. In the long run, one gets used to things and can't imagine how they were otherwise previously.

As a punk rocker, I wanted people to change and accept me. I wasn't going to change. It was on my own terms that I've changed before I turned 35. It was time for me to be one with society and let myself to be weak and vulnerable, instead of tough and scary. People would rather know a sweet mop top who has nothing to hide than some bad ass punk, anyways. I'm not physically weak by any means. I was talking more about my emotional fabric. People have changed towards me and they became more accepting of me, because I put my foot down and told myself to grow up and be myself.

I am not really sure what can be changed in my case......and yeah I am not too thrilled about the idea of trying to put extra effort into conforming just so more people will like me. I mean why bother their the ones who shunned me from society in the first place, I'm not going to come crawling back for more. That being said there are quite a few people I can tolerate, but I still have to have some alone time or I'll get annoyed even by people I like being around.

Yes, I've noticed that I typically like things the way they are and anyone who wants me to change something for no reason can go piss up a rope. I won't throw a visible tantrum if something changes, but I can't say I'm free from anger and distress on the inside. To give just a few examples of many, I find it difficult to focus on reading if I'm not doing it during the typical time I've set aside for reading. I despise getting a new computer or cell phone or TV set that needs to be programmed with new settings, or when a bus route in my city changes. Even having to use a pen that's not mine for writing can set me off. Of course, everyone deals with this to some degree, but most don't obsess over it.

I've tried to conform in the past. It frustrates me. Other people don't have to adapt at all, but it seems if I don't bend over backwards for other people, I am at fault. Part of my problem is I had no real role models of normal behavior growing up. It left me on my own to figure things out. Unfortunately when it comes to social skills, I never have figured out how to get along with people. My parents didn't help because they tended to be abusive towards me when I had problems. I also had no way to verbalize my frustrations as I was trapped in my head. What I mean is that I could not turn my thoughts into words to ask for necessary guidance. I have never learned to adapt & so I still tend to be isolated.

Before I was diagnosed with AS, I was often concerned about why I was so different. I kind of got into unhappiness at times with it. But then, after being diagnosed with AS, I felt like I had been reborn. I knew why I was the way I was. And now I am content with myself. I found peace with myself. I do not want to change to be more like the NTs. I am content to be more isolated. I do have family and they understand me. My wife and I are beginning a friendship with the parents of my youngest son's friend. Like my son and me, this friend and his father are probably on the spectrum---just not officially diagnosed. So we get along very well. But...I will not bend myself to fit into the mold of the NT world anymore than I would expect an NT to fit into my world. I enjoy diversity.

I tend to feel critical towards those who say they don't want to change. But you know what, screw those people, I just don't want to be around them then. I don't need to be with someone who is going to always insult me and put me down and not give a s**t, someone who expects me to listen to them talk about what they want to talk about but never want to talk about what I want to talk about, someone who talks about the same stuff over and over and not stop, someone who stinks (literally) and expects me to put up with their smell, someone who always wants me to agree with them so they will argue with me until I change my mind and not let me have my own opinions, someone who is always very bitter so they put others down and insult them and always wish bad things on them just because they "are better than them" so they want to make them feel bad and not want them to be happy if they can't be happy, someone who is always joking and I can't tell when they are serious and won't stop the sarcasm and teasing when they speak to me.


It depends on what people mean by change of course but since my first ex, I have been critical about people refusing to change because my ex was a jerk so now I am critical about it when people say that about themselves.

I have a hard time with change that's the reason I got laid off from a job I did well at for 9 years but the job I did became redundent because we do not do steel or aluminum parts anymore. Titanium does not pick up scratches or dents when they made them so they no longer needed me. They offered me a job as a cnc machine operator but the noise and vibrations caused by the machines gave me anxiety. They did feel bad about laying me off though so they said they were goping to give me a kick ass refrence when I ask them for one.