how you deal with low self esteem?

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My self esteem has been the same for 19 years since I was 13; maybe even longer. People have commented on my bad beahviour all my childhood and adult and that is why I don't feel good about myself. I can't change my beahviour or feelings.

You may not be able to change your feelings but you can certainly change many of your behaviors.

Also just because you feel something doesn't make it right or real.

If you really want to change you have to really try. It sucks but that's all there is to it.

I have an eating disorder, I feel bad, eat and then feel bad about eating and starve myself and then I binge and the cycle keeps repeating.

Overall I don't care what others think of me but I wish I felt better about myself.

Probably not constructive, but I resort to apathy whenever possible.
"Nothing of this world really matters".
Also a saying that goes something like:
"Life is 10% of what's actually happening and 90% of how I react to it / feel about it"

a book that helped me with my self-esteem was "the self-esteem companion" by mckay et al.