I feel like a burden :( Do you?

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Today my family and I went to the bowling alley - big mistake, my reaction to the noise was so severe we had to leave after one game, i felt quite guilty

There was an upside however, we got a refund for the game we didn't play; only because my mum said I'm autistic to the worker.

Anything like that happen to you?

Occasionally.

What is on my mind a lot these days is my niece's wedding. I know I can't cope with a wedding, but people keep trying to convince me to go.

There are so many problems, but they all boil down to being at a gathering with a lot of people with no place to hide and disappear will drive me into overload and shutdown and I'll be wiped out for days afterward. I don't really find gatherings like that to be all that amazing or interesting, and while I think I understand why most people do find them important, I don't see the point in making an empty gesture by attending something that will beat me down so harshly.

So I've been feeling selfish because of this situation, as if trying to take care of myself is a horrible thing.

I do sometimes, but more so due to some of my other problems and not AS.

I often feel the same, I turned 18 in april and my family got together to celebrate it. we were going to go to the pub but I had such a stressful day that day that I could manage it and we ended up staying at home.
They (MY FAMILY) asked me why I didnt want to go out and I just replied that ''somethig bad always happens when I go out or theres drink involved''...well even though we did not go out ,we did stay indoors and they convinced me to spend 100 euro worth of ''booze'' from the offlicense...as the evening went on and everyone got drunk things got all out of control and I ended up having a horrible time and being broke.

Well, recently after a rough drunken night, the next day a friend decided that it was a good idea to take me out for a girl's day out with some other girl I never met before. The night before, I injured myself so I had a fear in the back of my mind that I was going to bleed to death, but I told myself that was stupid since I wasn't that badly injured. So off we went, then we stopped by some other person's house that I never met before. My social anxiety was through the roof but I dealt with it. Then we were going to go to the lake, but I was still bleeding so I said that I think I need to go to the hospital. On my way to the hospital I was feeling woozy from the loss of blood from my injury and had a full blown panic attack. I felt like I was dying. So my friend's like, "It's ok, we'll be there soon, I'm not even gonna play the music!!" (she was playing music that I didn't like). So right before we got to the hospital I snapped out of the panic attack (thanx to the Zanax that I took right as I started to freak out finally kicking in), and my friend was like, "Ok, so are we here for your injury or because you thought you were dying?!" I was lucky that it turned out I really did need to be at the hospital to stop my bleeding, Super-Glue just wasn't doing the trick (I got an infection too, so I was also prescribed an antibiotic so that I wouldn't end up losing a limb!). Otherwise I would have felt humiliated and like a complete waste of time. I still felt like a burden because I ruined the girls' day out. (they all know about my AS)

Sometimes, yeah.

It's not as bad these days since I live on my own but the upshot of that is that I feel quite lonely and isolated. It's far preferable to living with family or, even worse, friends or strangers (oddly so-called friends can be worse to live with than strangers, but I digress).

I often find myself relying on people around me for advice or help with practical things - in my younger days I used to whinge constantly about whatever was bothering me...looking back I think "what did I expect them to do about it REALLY?" because there was often little they could do to help. My sense of direction is atrocious...I mean really, really bad. Many's the time I've phoned someone up saying I'm lost and don't know what to do. Embarrassingly, I'm the eldest of my siblings and many of my friends are slightly younger than me. I keep thinking I ought to be more 'grown up' and offer THEM advice and support.

Aside from practical things like using public transport and organising stuff like booking holidays, I must've been an emotional black hole when I was younger...it's nowhere near as bad now, but my parents and close friends in particular had to put up with a lot of 'oddness' from me that neither I or they had an explanation for.

I've tried a variety of measures to resolve this, that seems to work.

1. Plan stuff in advance, in detail. Work out journeys with accompanying maps, phone numbers and make backup plans in case of delays, cancellations and so forth.
2. Be careful with money so I don't need to borrow off other people. Sometimes it means restricting my social life or avoiding buying things I want, but when I see how credits cards mess up people's lives I feel it's worth it.
3. Get into the habit of holding back with complaining about stuff. Sometimes it's good to share, but sometimes 'a problem shared is a problem two people have'. Understanding that other people are preoccupied with their own problems is HARD I'll admit, but the practice pays off.
4. Avoid overdoing it with eating or drinking. You can only learn your limits the hard way, but I got so ashamed with being the whiny drunk who needs looking after I taught myself moderation.

All this sounds easy but I know from personal experience that this is a slow process. Becoming the person I feel I ought to be at my age is a long, hard road and I'm still learning. I feel like I'm catching up with the mature guy I should be...hopefully a formal AS diagnosis will help me understand all the s*** I put my family/friends through was not *my* fault per se. Which won't undo the things I've done, but will at least help me draw a line under them and think more clearly about where my life is going.

In closing, guilt and feelings of being an inconvenience compound the already-present feelings of anxiety you already have. I truly understand why you can feel like you're causing people hassle...you're not alone!

Ummmmm... Yes, all the time. The ambient noise level in bowling alleys regularly exceeds 75db with spikes of well over 90db. ANY autistic person is gonna get worn down in that sort of environment to some extent. For me personally, I opt out of those events and if I cannot opt-out, I will bring earplugs to bring the noise level down. But even without the noise, the constant movement, lights, etc can be way more than I can handle.

Yeah... That's how autism rolls in many of us. You are NOT a burden but you are different. You need to take responsibility for those differences and advocate for yourself. Bring ear plugs, step outside to take breaks, or OPT out in favor of a quieter activity. THEN you are not disrupting plans. If you just go to these places, you will feel like a burden as plans are disrupted.

I stopped feeling guilty about being a burden once I realized that the people around me keep inviting me out knowing that I'll be a burden just so they can yell at me later. I still don't like going out to restaurants or anywhere else with more than one person, though.

You are only a burden if you allow yourself to believe that you are one.

I would be if my family actually listened to me. Instead it's all 'toughen up, it's all in your head.'

I think I did one time. I realized I was lot of work because I took away my parents time. They had to take me to my therapies and had to buy my medicine so I took away their their money too. I was too expensive. Plus mom had to take classes and figure out how to teach me. I was like a puzzle. But she told me that was her job and she is supposed to do those things. But I still felt like I was too much money and my brothers were easier because they didn't need pills or therapies. They didn't cause our mother to take classes so she can figure them out. But mom just told me they probably cost just as much but for other things instead.

I don't feel that I'm a burden to anybody. Life is too short. I haven't felt like a burden since I've moved out. I know that I'm more of a handful than Barb is sometimes, because I'm always yacking my head off about this, that or the other and Dean and I go more places together anyways, so I give him $10 extra each month for gas money. I don't see that as being a burden, I just have more quirks and needs than Barb does and Barb is quiet and doesn't have any strong feelings to talk about. That extra $10 is a token, thanking him for putting up with my strange ways. I have more needs, but I don't see it as being a burden and I make up for it with extra gas money.

No I just try to tough it out and then get in a foul mood and resent the other people for (supposedly) putting me in that position in the first place. So I'm never openly a burden on anybody. I used to be in the habit of buttonholing people and overloading them with my talking, and sometimes I would kind of trap them and pump them for information and assistance for some problem or other as if it was their duty to wipe my butt for me, but I once I realised what I was doing I was really embarrassed and stopped. Being a burden or any other kind of leaning on people just isn't a thing I can consciously do yet. I still haven't met anybody who I could trust that much......naturally I used to lean on my parents as a child, but that stopped when I grew up, and nobody replaced them in that role.

On the other hand, I've heard that women's caring for men's dependency needs in marriage are masked, so the guy doesn't have to feel like a wimp, so maybe there was a lot of leaning going on in my marriages that I didn't know about. Sure didn't feel like it though.

So yes, I'm hypersensitive to feeling like a burden, which is why I can't reach out to humanity like others can. Very rarely, it can happen as an impulse.

I feel like a burden on people sometimes.

I still live at home with my parents, I'm nervous I won't be able to make it on my own, I'm an ok worker and I help them out more then most people help their parents I figure it's the least I can do because they let me stay there and I'm not homeless so that's good.

I feel like a burden on my S.O, I constantly find myself demanding her attention because I feel like I'm on the verge of a meltdown/shutdown and she's the only person who I can ramble on to about interesting crap and she listens to me and is nice.

I try not to go to parties and loud events I can't handle, I recently went to a major race and I didn't know how bad it was going to be until I got there, I had to by earplugs the race was cool but I felt like I was going to kill something or melt down until the race was over, I felt bad when if asked if I had fun I could barely muster a "yeah" I never seem enthusiastic about events like this and people tell me I come off as bored even if I am having fun or having fun and being overloaded at the same time, or I come of as ungrateful.

I see people who were younger then me growing up to be productive and "mature" adults and I feel like I am still a teenager at the most, I am not however, I hope that one day I will be able to at least get to the point they are at now, I struggle with things that seem to come easy to other people and it's frustrating - doesn't seem fair.

Yes, I do and I know it. There really isn't very much I can do but carry on though...