trust issues regarding close relationships

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Does anyone here really want a relationship but cannot find someone they can trust anywhere? I am a love-shy male, I feel the need to analyse every aspect of a potential partner to make a decision on even going to the cinema with them, because I am frightened in giving the wrong signals and am totally confused with the protocol of it all, I am submissive, passive, committed and this makes me vulnerable...the only way I can see is finding someone as shy as I am...

hopefully there's someone for everyone out there. i think you have to walk on the sunny side of the street to get there

You sound like me, Blighter, except the part where you are male

I thought the whole dating thing was completely hopeless, because I really wanted a relationship, but on the odd occasions when somebody actually asked me out, or I went on a date, I'd get so nervous about saying or doing the wrong thing, and about what the guy was expecting out of it (i.e. does he expect me to touch/kiss/sleep with him? What if I don't want to?), that I'd usually either refuse or stop talking to him after one or two meetings. Partly because of serious trust issues from not being able to tell if people are lying to me. I was finally lucky enough to be asked out by a very persistent AS guy (I turned him down more than once), who is very frank about what he wants from me, but also respects my boundaries (i.e. he asks to touch me, and doesn't get pushy when I say no) and is honest to a fault, so he is easy to trust and be comfortable with.

umm... don't be afraid to embarrass yourself, try not to overanalyze-- if you enjoy being around the girl, it is good. if you don't, it is bad-- and be aware that (to some women, at least) knowing a guy is interested in her (provided he is not a jerk) is attractive. But you probably have to tell her you're interested.

I'm hardly an expert, though. Best of luck to you.

Might this thread be better off in the dating/romantic relationships forum?

For me to be fully trusting a girl I would first have to know that girl a whole lot and know everything about her. She would also know a lot about me. How she acts, what her personality is, how she is able to keep her emotions in check and the like. For me I get to know the person over the course of a month before I start considering having this girl to be in a long relationship. The trusting will come when you do things for her and she in turn will do things for you. See it takes time to build trust between a girl and a guy or visa versa.

I don't trust people, most are evil and for a guy to get tanged up with a gold digger, it could get real costly.

Trust is a big issue with me as well! Having my one and only wife cheat, now ex-wife, was a real blow. After ten years you think you know someone... I hope there is someone out there for me, but I wonder. I rarely meet new people. I am not out going, so I tend not to approach. I am always wondering why someone is paying attention to me. What do I have to offer, they must have an agenda...

I too have trouble with trust and what to say and do. So far I've had two boyfriends and both have broken up with me (the last one in October of 2005). I don't think they really understood that I had trouble with trusting someone almost totally after only a couple weeks (although the first one actually lasted for a couple of years; the second only a month). I didn't really communicate my needs or what I really wanted for both of them well, since I had trouble talking about those kinds of things. It's the same for friends (other than a boyfriend) as well. Sometimes, if the person isn't the right personality (well, one that fits for me) or something like that, I can't open up to them as easily for some reason; otherwise, if they aren't the "right" personality, we'll just be beating around the bush (or just wondering around, not entirely getting closer or trusting eachother more) almost the whole time. It's kind of weird how this happens. I think it happens to almost everyone sometimes, that they have to have a person with a person with a personality that fits them or feel more comfortable with to trust or emphasize some things with (I can't really describe it very well). I'm not the kind of person that can start totally trusting just anyone from the start of every relationship/friendship.

"See who is the most patient in love; he has the greatest advantage."

-Chaucer