Did I do the right thing?

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I'm a college student, age 23 and been in college since age 17--six years.

The reason it's been six years is:
--I'm easily distracted from things that don't intensely interest me
--When I'm distracted, I fall behind
--I'm a perfectionist, so I work slowly; and it's hard to catch up.
--Being behind in class overwhelms me emotionally, and I get completely confused: Where do I start? What do I do?
--Depression (currently medicated and in partial remission) decreases my motivation.

The cause of that vicious cycle, I think, is a cross between AS traits and character flaws; and I have only started to learn to find my way around the problem.

This pattern has been present in my schoolwork since about the sixth grade (it showed much earlier in household chores), when schoolwork first began to take perceptible effort; and it worsened during my senior year of high school, when the difficulty of the work increased so that I had to study for tests.

In college, naturally, this pattern has become overwhelming. Eventually, my grades dropped from 4.0 to failing, and after two very hard years that included time in a mental ward, a diagnosis of AS (among other things), and the very beginnings of my understanding of how I could overcome my problems, I was expelled for a GPA that was only 2.0.

I turned to an online university, the only school that would allow me to take classes after an expulsion.

I registered for a five-week course on computer programming. The class requires access to the Internet--in fact, takes place over the Internet--and I did not have this at home. I was, however, moving; and the girls who were sharing rent in the house I was moving to assured me that they had Internet access.

Then two things happened at once: The university rescheduled the class to occur three days earlier; and the girls admitted that they did not, in fact, have Internet access; they were only planning to get it.

Today is six days after the beginning of the class. I'd logged onto the system, from the library; but I'd done nothing else. I'm now behind by six days out of a five week class. See the reference to being behind, and how overwhelming that is.

So, today I called the university. They have another class, of the same subject, starting in a week.

I dropped the class, paying $273 in fees, and registered for the class that starts in a week (after receiving reassurances that I can, if necessary, drop that replacement class without paying any fees, as long as I don't attend class).

Theoretically, I could have caught up. An NT could have done it easily, I think--my NT friends seem to be so much more motivated and organized when it comes to those things (though if you saw their messy rooms, you'd never know it). Am I just being cowardly by not trying to catch up, when I know it's possible?

Also, I'm a poor college student--literally below the poverty line, though I don't lack anything I truly need. That $273 could have gone to replace my ancient glasses, or to pay for two months' groceries, or any number of things I need. Now that I've dropped that class, it's as though I'd taken the money and thrown it on a bonfire.

The logical decision seemed to be to keep the class and try to catch up. But if I'm right about myself, and my track record... then it might have been a bad decision, too.

Did I make an emotional decision--trying to escape rather than facing a situation--or did I make a rational one, knowing myself and my shortcomings?

Was I right to drop the class? Why or why not? What can I do in the future to think through decisions of this nature?

It was a good decision if you feel happy with it, but I'm getting the impression that you might have been unhappy either way. School can be very unfun sometimes. It eats all your free time, money and mental resources... But it incredibly worth it and congrats for keeping with it.

All I really can do is tell you that I had been in a similar situation before and I dropped out and didn't go back and I've really regretted it. I missed a week or so of classes because my car broke down and I got kicked out of my house. I could have made my situation better by getting a ride, or taking public transportation and kept going... But I didn't and I had no way to start over. I really wish I had a way to start over, because I would have gladly paid any money I had for it. It's best not to give up, but if the worst happens, I'd always take a second chance if it was given.

You might feel bad having to start over, but being a perfectionist and completing school to your satisfaction may not be a bad idea. Anything that would give you a leg up is not bad. You can always consider that you're getting your investment back after you get your degree. The best thing to do is just not get behind in the first place if that is possible. Never put to tomorrow what you can do today... It's my own advice that I wish I took.

I cant really tell you weither you made the correct decission or not.I know I hate "wasting" money but that it is counter productive to dwell on it because it will just make concintrating on getting other things done, more difficult....however,"dwelling" is my specialty as is,second guessing my decissions,and my ability,fear of failing,anger at the girls for misleading you,lack of interest in school subject,and the hundred other annoying things that happen dailey to destract me...is is any wonder that I often lack the "energy and focus" to get things done....

It took me 5 years to get my BA....took time off for a few "breakdowns" and I wouldnt have finished if I had majored in a more demanding field(majored in Psyc,Women Studies,English...all fields of special interest with Very Understanding teachers who would constantly let me hand in my research papers late because they knew that I put alot of time ,research,energy, into completing them)These fields tend to employ individuals with more empathy and tolerence for "different" kinds of people....If I had Majored in "business"I think I would never had gotten a degree...

Since you have a brief "respite" before your new classes begin...I would humbly suggest, that you try and create an AS friendly environment for you to stay on focus with this new class.That may include making sure that your food cupboards are stocked and your roommates agree to respect your need for quit(or whatever sensory issues you may have)I know having as many "life details" worked out before I begin focusing on something...the easier it is for me....(less obtrussive thoughts about what to eat or needing to go buy winter gloves).I hope this helps and I wish you luck...school is difficult even without AS and accompaniing "issues" ,so try not to beat yourself up for "character flaws" some of them where created out of self preservation.IMO

You're right; that's a really good point--I do need to change my surroundings so that I can study better. Falling behind again wouldn't be good.

The environment in my new place, as it is, is a big problem--almost exactly the opposite of what I need to study:

--I don't have my own room. I sleep on the couch in the downstairs living room. I will have my own room soon, when another housemate moves out.
--Noise. Four girls in one house means a lot of noise; and the TV is always on, too.
--Poor sleep, as a result of the noise, dogs, and lack of curtains on the window in the living room.
--Three dogs owned by housemates, two of them juveniles and one of them quite large and enthusiastic. Dogs are nice, but they sure are distracting--especially when they haven't been trained too well.
--A lot of my things are packed.
--I like a nice, roomy desk, well-lit, to work on. I don't have a desk at all right now.
--My computer, which has not been set up yet, will have to sit on the floor... sitting on the floor wouldn't be a problem, since I prefer it to sitting in chairs; but there isn't anyplace to put the keyboard and mouse, and that gets awkward.

Getting my own room will be a great help. It can't happen soon enough.

The positive aspects of my situation:
--I have the computer I need
--My food supply is well-stocked
--I have new school supplies
--I've got two lamps, a floor lamp and a desk lamp, for light

Re. enlisting roommates' help: Only one of my roommates knows I have AS. The other two think I'm just odd. I'm not sure if telling them would help any, though I'll probably mention it sooner or later. I don't know what they could do, though; the effort for change, and overcoming the aforementioned problems, has to come from me.

Moving is a major deal, all on it own! I think you should get settled, get your own room, feel that you have a workable environment before you take on the additional stress of a college course.

I spent 6 years in school to get my B.S. degree, changed my major two times, had to start a few courses a couple times...

I can't tell you if you made the right decision but now that its made make the best of it and go forward. Your young and this will not be the last time you second guess yourself thats the same for everybody. Its a stressful time for you I know but just keep on going and don't be so hard on yourself.

Hi Callista, I applaud you, to study and move forward is a great great thing in your life, I don't know you (yet) but I'm happy that you did it

I'm also studying, and I'm way older than you, Callista, and you know what: I DON'T CARE!! !

I wanted to do it and I'm Doing it, it's my life and I'm (very) happy with my decision

I have a career but well, long story short, now I'm studying what I love, and yes, money is tight but well, sometimes you have to stretch it . I'm currently in fifth semester and there are two other older people, so it's okay.


about your decision: You made it, sometimes it's hard to convince ourselves that what we did is what we wanted.

Something I lately have been saying to myself is: act more responsible, and it has helped me to take more decisions and act/do more.

Oh, and about not having a curtain: put a blanket

Thank you for the encouragement... you people are really helping me.

And you're right: I can't change that decision now; so worrying about it really isn't productive at all, is it?

I'm starting to move into my new room, and to get my things unpacked.

I had to clean the room first--the carpet was dusty and the walls needed scrubbing, and there is a mirror that still needs polishing, and scratches in the wood paneling that I filled in with brown marker. Now I'm ready to move my things in from the basement, where they sit in labeled boxes.

I have five days to work on finishing that unpacking and find a desk, and my housemates have five days to get someone to connect that Internet cable. (I think we're getting cable. One of the girls wants wireless instead.)

Seems like it could work--just as long as I stay carefully organized.

I agree. It's all up to you.